am i a bad person?

[East]

You are definitely not evil and I don't have enough information o know if you are a bad person or not.....

I like that you own this...and that you feel bad about it....both good indications that you have a functioning and healthy conscience!

Unfortunately...I draw a blank when it comes to jealousy. I think I only experienced it once. I never really compare myself to anyone else though so I am not really familiar with the kind of jealousy you are talking about. Same thing with boredom..I am never really bored so that is unfamiliar to me as well... (I have enough other bad qualities though that I wrestle with LOL...and if we shared one of those ..I could give you advice...)

[Anonymous]

thanks for your replies members.

What might be more useful would be for you to post more about your life, your situation...maybe people here could help you figure out why you don't seem to be getting what you want.

why haven't you had sex yet?

there are many reasons...

living in a country whereby one can be jailed for having homosexual sex

also, you need to have good looks and great body to able to attract another guy, which sadly i don't. people have told me before that i look quite unattractive and ugly.

even if i sit in a bar with a drink beside me, no one is even going to bother to spike my drink to take advantage of me. ill probably be sitting down there alone being ignored by other people while others in the bar have found their partners and went off to "enjoy the night".

another thing is whether i can perform well in bed. i'm an awkward person in real life. im worried that the guy i wanna have sex with will leave half-way annoyed with my awkwardness and shyness. and thats gonna affect me emotionally.

i always wished i'm just like another average person on this earth.

[MikeW]

thanks for your replies members.





there are many reasons...

living in a country whereby one can be jailed for having homosexual sex

also, you need to have good looks and great body to able to attract another guy, which sadly i don't. people have told me before that i look quite unattractive and ugly.

even if i sit in a bar with a drink beside me, no one is even going to bother to spike my drink to take advantage of me. ill probably be sitting down there alone being ignored by other people while others in the bar have found their partners and went off to "enjoy the night".

another thing is whether i can perform well in bed. i'm an awkward person in real life. im worried that the guy i wanna have sex with will leave half-way annoyed with my awkwardness and shyness. and thats gonna affect me emotionally.

i always wished i'm just like another average person on this earth.

Ok, well, we can't do much about you living in a homophobic country.

But most of the other things you list ARE things that can be worked on if you want to work on them. MOST of them have to do with having a negative self-image and being in the world operating FROM that low self-esteem. That, imo, is *primarily* the problem.

I'll start off by saying that "ugly," like "beauty," is in the eye of the beholder. That is to say, if someone has told you that you're ugly, you need to be looking at what that says about the other person. Why did they do that? What's the point of trying to make someone else feel bad about themselves? I don't care what that person looks like, that is a sick and truly ugly thing to do. (I had that experience, BTW, when I was a pre-adolescent; one of my older sisters in a moment of anger told me that I was ugly ... and a whole bunch of other stuff that wasn't the least bit true ... just to spite me. Trouble was, a part of me *believed* it. Now, true, I was never a "model" but I was WAY CUTER and WAY HOTTER than I knew when I was a teenager and into my early 20s. I had no idea! It's only looking back that I realize how distorted my self-image was.)

But the point is, if you want to work on these problems, you *can*. Many of us here will help you if you want. But you have to want to work on them... and that requires more than just "thinking" about them.

[MikeW]

... i feel very jealous when i hear about someone who had his first sex or is in a relationship.

it makes me feel upset that i still have not had my first sex experience and also be in a relationship with a guy ...

This is a sort of PS to my post above... and it is to clarify A SEMANTIC MISTAKE that many people make: You can feel ENVY about something you don't have but want, but you feel JEALOUSY over something you already have but are afraid of losing.

I'm pointing this out because, since you don't have these things you're talking about, you're not actually JEALOUS of other people; you are ENVIOUS of them. You envy what they have and want to have it yourself.

I think this is important because all of us ENVY other people to some extent... whether it is their looks, their wealth, their intelligence, their ___________ << just fill in the blank with whatever you want that you see someone else has that you don't.

ENVY is an unhealthy emotion IF we don't use it as a means to better ourselves in some way. IOW, if all I do is "envy" what other people have, "wish" I had it too and begin to "resent" them for having what I don't.... this is a downward "victim" spiral that gets me no where... and worse, makes my life more empty and futile.

IF on the other hand, I use my envy to MOTIVATE myself to do things, to have some of the things other people have -- or at least to better myself by learning to love and accept myself AS I AM... then that's a whole other thing. We all have to be MOTIVATED by something; envy can be used that way if we don't get stuck in it, feeling like a victim of "circumstances".