Dating someone out of a 5-year relationship

[htntx]

About a month ago I met a guy from match.com and we have been on 5 dates. He recently ended a 5-year relationship and moved out of his ex's apartment. I have enjoyed getting to know him and I do have feelings for him but I am not too sure if it is reciprocal. I have been single for a while and dated around; I know that I want a ltr and he says that he does too but I am not too certain he is ready or that he likes me to the same extent (yet) since he might be getting distracted with all other guys hitting on him. My questions are:

1) At what point do you ask the guy about dating exclusively?

2) Knowing that he is newly single, attractive, and probably getting lots of replies from dating websites, should I just let him go for now since we might not be on the same page in terms of dating exclusively?

3) I have a feeling (as expected) that he may want to date around to see who is available and might be the 'best' match; would you just sit around and wait until he figures it out or move on while he (if he) is in that stage of serial dating?

Thank you for your comments.

[Bowyn Aerrow]

How recently did he end his relationship?

IF less than a year I strongly suggest you run - as far and fast as you can from him.

Because he is seeking a rebound relationship, which isn't the same as a real realtionship.

As for the the other stuff - it depends on the couple and these sorts of things will iron themselves out to suit the needs of the couple.

[htntx]

He said he ended the relationship about one year ago but he just moved out of his ex's apartment 2 weeks ago. According to him, he and his ex started losing interest for one another and were more like friends than bfs. I know.. the odds aren't on my side. So I think I will give another two weeks to get a better feel of where this is going and be direct in asking him what he is looking for.

And thank you for your reply. I definitely do not want to be a rebound. I am in my 30s and looking for a potential ltr.

[Anocxu]

It is highly impractical to begin or end a romantic relationship without mutual understanding of each other's needs.
Asking individuals irrelevant to the status of your relationship might yield guidance..
but not nearly enough information in response to the above issues addressed.

Have a talk with him, get his version or perception of the relationship, tell him what you told us.. that's a start.

Guys fresh out of a relationship are usually traumatized..
(Most dont know it).
Dating a guy on the rebound is usually tough.
Do not end your relationship without a long chat...
Good luck.

[JohnSomebody]

All of my relationships been long standing like your friend...however...I do not go into another relationship after mine had ended. For instance, my last relationship...my partner unexpectedly passed away...its been five years now...and I just started dating again about a year now...but I needed to take time to myself to regroup and to grieve. Although, throughout this period...I've been approached by a lot of guys and some whom were very well aware of his passing and got very upset that I did not want to have sex with them or did not understand why I was still grieving his death???...Nonetheless...I agree with a lot of the advice that you are getting from some of the other guys ....you could possibly be a rebound guy...I hope not..but if you are feeling this..then more than likely ...your instincts could be right..

[Lexington]

1) At what point do you ask the guy about dating exclusively?

Whenever you feel comfortable bringing it up. I wouldn't do it during the first grindr exchange, or in the middle of sex. But it sounds like you're at that point.

2) Knowing that he is newly single, attractive, and probably getting lots of replies from dating websites, should I just let him go for now since we might not be on the same page in terms of dating exclusively?

Never let a relationship go because he MIGHT not be on the same page. Find out. ASK. If he says "I'd rather keep dating other people", then fine - feel free to cut him loose. But at least give him the option first.

3) I have a feeling (as expected) that he may want to date around to see who is available and might be the 'best' match; would you just sit around and wait until he figures it out or move on while he (if he) is in that stage of serial dating?

People seem to think there are two options here - "sit around and wait for him to change his mind" or "dump him and move on". Actually, there's a third option in-between. "Feel free to date other people, but keep in touch." You might meet somebody else who you fall completely head-over-heels for, in which case, awesome. Or you might not...and in a few months, he might decide he wants to get exclusive with you after all. But you won't have spent that time in a holding pattern.

Lex