My coworkers know

[Justme]

Hey y'all. I need some help.

I've been at my current workplace for a year and almost everyone has been super cool with me for the most part. Anyway, I've been getting these gay comments(nothing offensive) directed at me & I don't know how to respond. I'm afraid my sexuality could get me fired.

I'm a closeted guy. Or at least I thought I was. I have some feminine characteristics & now I realize I have a gay voice, but I'm not what you'd call a flame. I think I'm pretty average when it comes to masculinity VS femininity.

Some of my co-workers have asked if I have a girlfriend, which made me wonder if they couldn't tell I'm gay or they're trying to confirm that I am. No one ever bluntly asked me if I'm gay. I'd just tell them if they ask.

Lately, one lady always turns into a performing drag queen every time she sees me. She does this ridiculous strut and throws her hair and is like "gurrrl." My only response is laughter. Not because it's funny but because I don't know how else to respond to her. I'm not flamboyant and *proud*
Im embarrassed by her "show" and I've noticed that others are catching on, and basically letting me know that they know I'm gay. I don't care if certain people know, because they aren't important to me. But my boss is VERY old fashioned when it comes to EVERYTHING! Ive never heard him say anything homophobic, but still. I'm afraid if he finds out he may give me the boot.

I've tried coming out twice to people I considered very important to me in my personal life and neither accepted. Ever since, I am very cautious of who i tell, especially people who have the ability to change my life. I've worked hard to get this job. Now I'm afraid that if someone says the wrong thing in front of my boss, I may get fired.

How do I handle this? Should I just come out at work & try to prepare for the consequences? And if I get fired, how do I explain it to my family? They Don't know I'm gay.

[ceez]

do they include sexual orientation in the discrimination policies at your job? if so then I would get the number to your HR just in case. don't you just wish coworkers would stay out of your personal life, especially when working in a super masculine homophobic work place.

[Justme]

Yes, they include sexual oreintation in the discrimination policies. Just looked through the handbook. However, I work in a 'right to work' state. A reason does not have to be given if he fires me. I'm sure he's not gonna say he firing me cause I'm gay.

[LJay]

To carry ceez's idea just a step further--You might consider contacting the HR person and explaining that your co-worker's drag act seems like a sort of harassment to you, regardless of your sexual preference and you wonder if there is a tactful way to remind said person that she is there to work, not joke and specifically not to aim jokes at particular co-workers.

If the HR person knows their job your problem will end abruptly.

PS: You should also take careful notes and keep them because if any repercussions occur you will have the basis for a walloping lawsuit.

[Anocxu]

Why would you come out if everyone knows?..
That's like me telling all my clients.. "Everyone!!! I'm Black!!!"

You're probably very attractive considering the curiosity and interest shown by your co-workers.

Word will get around soon enough...
Focus on being an exceptional employee ..
To hell with what anyone thinks... you are not the first gay man in the history of the world to work in an office with nosy co- workers.

Ps.
I mailed you a T-shirt for work on casual friday...
It says "Pole Smoker" on the front..
"Pillow Biter" on the back.

Hugs.

[ShiftyNJ]

Lately, one lady always turns into a performing drag queen every time she sees me. She does this ridiculous strut and throws her hair and is like "gurrrl."

This is what happens when people learn what they think they know about LGBT people from RuPaul's Drag Race.

If I saw someone do this, I would just stare at her with a puzzled and slightly sympathetic expression, like she has toilet paper on her shoe or something and doesn't know it.

If you could establish an ally who is at your supervisor's level or higher, I would engineer it so that person witnessed her behavior and then could address it privately. She may think she's being funny, or accepting, or cool by aping how she thinks we act, and , as you expressed, making a scene will not probably not do you well in the long run, but let the people who are supposed to handle things like this do their jobs so you are not seen as a "problem child".

[Justme]

Why would you come out if everyone knows?..
That's like me telling all my clients.. "Everyone!!! I'm Black!!!"

You're probably very attractive considering the curiosity and interest shown by your co-workers.

Word will get around soon enough...
Focus on being an exceptional employee ..
To hell with what anyone thinks... you are not the first gay man in the history of the world to work in an office with nosy co- workers.

Ps.
I mailed you a T-shirt for work on casual friday...
It says "Pole Smoker" on the front..
"Pillow Biter" on the back.

Hugs.

I think it has more to do with me being quiet. I never confirm (or deny) anything, because I don't really trust anyone. We just just aren't on that level. Like I said, if someone were to ask me flat out, I would be truthful.

And I want that shirt! The reactions would be worth it. Lol

[matty7]

do you think this behaviour is going to blow over or get worse ? if more start copying her then im guessing worse - why not just plain ask her why she does that in front of you - or ask her if she does that to everyone, or shut her up by telling her that is that dance because im gay and does she have a problem with it !! least it would stop the rumours - as for your boss, I guess he's savvy enough to know the employment laws and to sack someone for been gay would get him in deep shit

[ShiftyNJ]

I guess he's savvy enough to know the employment laws and to sack someone for been gay would get him in deep shit

I don't think Florida has any non-discrimination laws. The OP indicated the company does, so whatever consequences there were would be internal. I think you would have to have the behavior documented in order to make a claim though.

[Justme]

Thanks y'all for the suggestions. Funny thing is, we had a sexual harassment & discrimination meeting today. Took 2 freaking hours! I didn't mention anything about my situation, but I did cut the "drag" a look when the gay/stereotyping subjects were brought up.

Hopefully, having that meeting today will be enough to keep ppl from bringing my sexuality up. Maybe that's just wishful thinking.