Gay Crush on a Straight Guy

[Anonymous]

I really got screwed over years ago because a friend of a friend, married with kids, started bromancing me really intensely "we should go hiking, we should do this, etc." and I stupidly thought that's all it was til I woke up with my unit in his mouth. It was not something I would have done... could have wrecked several friendships, my relationship etc. It is taking me a long time to go get past this and we still have to see each other which is super awkward.

[JCasey]

Does he know you perceive these actions as "sending signals" and "demonstrating closeted behavior"?

I'm fine with respecting other men's sexual boundaries. What I'm not so 'fine' with is men giving me mixed messages (or what I perceive to be mixed messages). When that has happened I've tried to politely let them know that (whatever it was) signaled something to me and ask if that was what they intended. I do this for a couple reasons: 1) it is my observation that sometimes straight men are flirtatious without being aware that they are doing so. If I'm attracted to them, this is a problem for me because it puts me in an awkward and uncomfortable position. I feel like I'm having to modify my behavior out of respect for their stated orientation. 2) Men who self-identify as straight but are closeted or questioning aren't being honest with me or themselves. If they are friends, I'm happy to be supportive of whatever process they're going through. But if they're in denial this doesn't work well for what I call "friendship".

I spoke with him yesterday. I told him that it makes me uncomfortable when he flirts without meaning it. After being overly defensive (doth protest too much) and ascerting that he isn't gay ( i didn't even mention that) he said he would be more careful not to be perceived as flirting towards me. He was so defensive about the flirting, I didn't address the closeted behavior. I am going to see how things go with the friendship. My psychological a Analysis of the situation is that he is conflicted between what he wants and what his parents want. Despite his being 40+ his parents still play a big role in his life, as happens in many close knit families.

Reply to comment by [MENTION=20947]MikeW[/MENTION]

[LeafBlade]

i kinda stop crushing on straight(?) guys since high school but then i havent been friends with anyone in college because you know why... LOL.

also im dealing with too much RL rn to crush on people.

I kinda wish i have new crushes though to get over the past ones. those 1% crushing needs to be rid