I have been with my partner for 7 years now in a monogamous relationship.I am 27 and he is 63, the sex is always great but the only problem I am having here is he won't top. We have talked about it since the first year in our relationship, he always says yes we will do it and nothing ever happened.
I have always been very patient with him, never tried to push him or make him feel bad, but it is getting very frustrating for me.The most frustrating thing here is, he told me that he used to top guys before we met but the few times we tried it, he gets all soft(I would say less than 10 times in 7 years).
I even go as far as asking him if he is just a bottom to make things easier for both of us, he said no.Now I feel like he's not making any effort.I even feel sometimes that maybe something is wrong with me which is the last thing I want to feel about myself.
What do you guys think?Some advice will be really appreciated.
PS: He doesn't have any erectile dysfunction problems.
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no offense to you but I feel like this could be be an age thing. I see that you've been together for 7 years, but maybe he's settling for you. You say he has topped for you and since he can't keep it up to top you than something is clearly wrong. ... I have no clue though since I know next to nothing of your relationship though. Maybe date someone closer to your own age? I could never understand dating someone so much older or younger than myself.
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No offense taken [MENTION=19889]Radbot42[/MENTION]. Thank you for the quick reply. I think you misread what I wrote in my post.I never said he topped me before or he can't keep up.Actually I have to try to keep up with him sometimes.I have thought about before posting something here,and age is not the problem here, especially in the way you are putting it.I understand that you never been with someone much older than yourself before, but it is not always the case that a guy who is 50+ can't keep with a younger guy sexually. Oh and I have dated guys around my age,it was boring with most of them.
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I'm agreeing with @Radbot. I know a couple 59y/o and mid 30s who've been together 12 years. They've talked about the same thing in their relationship but not complaining about it.
If you want to get him in the mood to top maybe you want to do what I do with my guy when I'm in the mood to be topped. I start off hours ahead doing all sorts of teasing to get his hormones worked up. Just don't do it in a "top/agressive" mode. The way I start if off is to do oral until on him until he's getting ready to pop then quit... Four five or six times of that and my guy forgets about being the bottom...
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I will be 63 in a month, if I stop stimulating my penis for more then 10 seconds it goes flop, to line up and penetrate takes time and some guys just have problems with it.
Have you talked about Viagra?
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Yes we did, he doesn't want to take them
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I cannot say for certain...but for me..I have either been a top or a bottom in all my relationships...not both at once.....
Why? Sexual chemistry.....
I think the reason most people cant communicate honestly is they are afraid of the reaction of the other person...and how they are going to take it....and this is probably due to the dynamics in the relationship.....
...and some people just can't communicate clearly with themselves and might not even know why...so avoidance hides whatever problem there might be...
There is also the mind that gets in the way...and it could be soooo many different things......
So...if I were going to solve this..I would take the focus off of the original question...and instead seek to develop a good line of communication...keeping in mind that in order to be able to give honesty openly and freely...you have to be willing to accept it in the same spirit...
For instance...if he said he wasn't attracted to you that way for whatever reason...physical - emotional - ect - ...would you go ballistic or enter into Drama Queen territory?....never to return?
A lot of times...people ask questions they don't really want the answer to
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Some people just don't have it in them to top. Some people don't have it in them to bottom.
Some people can't top (or bottom) on a normal basis or a whim, but actually have to be in the mood or have the right situation presented for him. For example, I have a really difficult time topping and being tender and gentle at the same time. If I want to top.... or if Gideon wants me to top.... I need some violence in there. Not necessarily a fist in the face type of violence, but his ass is going to hurt a while... and he's going to walk funny for a while afterward... because I need that violence and dominance aspect in the fuck in order for my dick to work with me in the top position.
In your case? He's obviously -tried- to top for you, so it's not an issue of that he won't top for you, but sounds more like he can't. So if it isn't something situational or something he needs to "inspire" his dick to work in the role as the top.... maybe you need to decide if this is a deal breaker for you or not.
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My partner won't top
