Getting soppy way too fast

[TigerLover]

So I met this Bi guy on a porn site. We started flirting and dirty talking. We both really wanted each other so he suggested we hook up.

I suggested what I always suggest with online hook ups, that we chat on skype first.
We both turned out to be exactly who we said we were.

A.He's 5"7 to my 6"4 (perfect head on chest cuddle ratio)
B.He's such a nice guy
C.He's chubby without being fat (don't judge)
D. He bottoms
E.When i mentioned that it would be the first time i'd had sex with a man in two years he dropped the sex talk and became really sweet and coaxing.
F.We spent hours just chatting about random stuff

If you asked me a month ago to close my eyes and visualize my ideal boyfriend this would be it. He's everything I want in a boyfriend and I'm really starting to develop feelings for this guy, But it's apparent from his language that he still thinks of me as a sleezy hook-up. I want to romance and make love to him and I think he just wants me to suck him, fuck him and get lost. He's hinted at future hookups if things go well but i think those will just be empty sex too.

I know myself I know that if I meet him and sleep with him I will develop a hardcore crush.

What do i do!

Tell him I want to date him now and risk him disconnecting that skype call and never speaking to me again.

Do I tell him after the sex and risk him freaking out on me in a hotel room.

Just take this one night and resolve myself to weeping like a bitch for a few weeks til i get over the crush.

[Cridders88]

Hi BlessedwithBi,

I see from your introduction thread that you are fresh out of a relationship, I'm no expert, but might this be a factor in the way you feel towards this guy?

I guess it comes down to weighing up what could happen here. Would you feel worse not meeting up with him at all, or meeting him and developing a crush for him not to feel the same way? There is a third alternative that you haven't considered, that he might feel the same way as you but is hiding it like you are, because he doesn't know how you feel.

[rado84]

Here's what I would do: talk to him and find out what would make him think I was a hook-up. Then I'd tell him I want a serious relationship and see if I can get that from him. You better do that before it's too late - before you crush on him. It would be harder later if you break up. IMO it's better to clear up your relationship at the very beginning.

[MikeW]

...

If you asked me a month ago to close my eyes and visualize my ideal boyfriend this would be it. He's everything I want in a boyfriend and I'm really starting to develop feelings for this guy, But it's apparent from his language that he still thinks of me as a sleezy hook-up. I want to romance and make love to him and I think he just wants me to suck him, fuck him and get lost. He's hinted at future hookups if things go well but i think those will just be empty sex too.

I know myself I know that if I meet him and sleep with him I will develop a hardcore crush.

What do i do!

Tell him I want to date him now and risk him disconnecting that skype call and never speaking to me again.

Do I tell him after the sex and risk him freaking out on me in a hotel room.

Just take this one night and resolve myself to weeping like a bitch for a few weeks til i get over the crush.

On one level, it doesn't matter what you do. What ever is going to happen is what's going to happen. It's a Zen kind of thing.

On the other hand, we humans like to finagle with fate. So, the way I look at it, you don't have to tell him you want to date him... rather just tell him what you told us, that he fits the fantasy ideal boyfriend... and that has you feeling like you don't want to be seen as just another random hookup by him. THEN the ball is in his court, right? You see how he responds to that. Yeah, ok, so what if he drops you from Skype? SO... you don't even get the hook up, yeah, BUT you also don't have to deal with the pains of unrequited romance, either. So, that's a no brainer if you ask me.

Then again, you could just hook the fuck up and get it out of your system and see if you still feel the same way the next morning.

I've lived so fucking long I no longer believe there are any absolute "right" or "wrong" decisions in matters like this. You can't build a relationship with someone who isn't interested in YOU. You also can't build a relationship with a fantasy (although many, many guys try to do just that). At some point it has to become REAL for both of you.

That, by the way, is the one thing that scares MANY guys, especially younger ones. Getting real is just too intense. They'd much rather just have the fantasy... and hook-ups are fantasy's acted out IRL, right? Sort of like jerking off to porn. When its over, its over. Time to go home. The crush is a fantasy too, it's like emotional edging. If you can get to the place where you can just ENJOY having the crush (even if NOTHING comes of it), that right there is an amazing state of freedom.

[TigerLover]

I see from your introduction thread that you are fresh out of a relationship, I'm no expert, but might this be a factor in the way you feel towards this guy?

You've got a point. I suppose having experienced a sudden loss of affection it would be natural to want it back and i guess to be a little too eager.

There is a third alternative that you haven't considered, that he might feel the same way as you but is hiding it like you are, because he doesn't know how you feel.

I wonder if it's a reflection on my self esteem that i haven't even considered this. mile: He obviously thinks i'm hot and I can make him laugh. It is entirely possible that he feels the same way.

Thanks man you've given me something to think about..... and to hope for.

[TigerLover]

Here's what I would do: talk to him and find out what would make him think I was a hook-up. Then I'd tell him I want a serious relationship and see if I can get that from him.

Having thought about what you said I can confirm that it is the logical, pain-free and mature approach..... which I won't be taking.

It is very sound advice. But I'd much rather bring this up after he's gotten to know a bit in person, I want him to be comfortable around me to reduce the chance of him freaking out or feeling compelled by guilt to say yes. Even if that means taking a completely unnecessary risk.

Thankyou

[Rareboy]

Hook up with him.

Get it out of your systems.

You point out that he became sweet and coaxing when you pointed out you hadn't been laid in forever.

Unless he's just an insincere douche...that doesn't sound like he thinks of you only as a sleazy hook-up.

[rado84]

Having thought about what you said I can confirm that it is the logical, pain-free and mature approach..... which I won't be taking.

It is very sound advice. But I'd much rather bring this up after he's gotten to know a bit in person, I want him to be comfortable around me to reduce the chance of him freaking out or feeling compelled by guilt to say yes. Even if that means taking a completely unnecessary risk.

Thankyou

Then go for the indirect interrogation. Ask him what he thinks about serious relationships, what he wants from a relationship. Or, if you think he might suspect something, ask a friend of yours to "interrogate" him about his preferences.
I don't know about you but I would find a way to know what he thinks because I for one wouldn't settle for just a sexual relationship (in most cases) - especially with someone who sees me as a one night hook up.