quick question

[SilverBullet]

don't out yourself, be more discrete
just find a closet at work, drag him in and if he doesn't fight (much) he is interested..
if he fights, he is simply playing hard to get and is extremely interested!
if he starts making too much noise stick something in his mouth.... ^_^

[MikeW]

... I'm starting to get a little lonely and desperate.

Tell us more about these feelings... they're what's really important here, IMO.

I'll just say that making important decisions while feeling "a little lonely and desperate," generally isn't the best idea. You don't want to go shooting yourself in the foot, as desperate decisions are want to do.

Then again, you know what, sometimes we just have to throw all caution and good sense to the wind and do whatever the fuck we feel like doing. THEN, oh joy, we get the life lesson of dealing with the consequences (whatever they may turn out to be).

[ceez]

thanks for the replies, I think I like [MENTION=21156]Anocxu[/MENTION] and [MENTION=19807]SilverBullet[/MENTION]'s ideas the most :biggrin: I feel kind of silly because the advice you guys have given me is some of the stuff I've told people here in the past :redface: but the company I work for is fairly large and there are couples that met there and got married. my problem is I'm not a very sociable person, I don't really go out much and a large part of that is because I'm not out to anyone, plus there's only one real gay bar within an hour of me, so it's a little easier for me to talk to someone at work because at least I know I have one thing to talk about, which is work. but I was thinking today that either way it will be hard to stay in the closet because the people I work with are hell bent on adding me to their personal lives.

as far as the feelings of loneliness and desperation those have been going on for a while now, and I do have my bouts with depression. it's extremely frustrating to see friends and family find SO's then get married and have kids and everyone is asking why I haven't found anyone yet, and I know I should just dump the people who are homophobic and come out but as heavy as religion is in this area that's potentially cutting out everyone and finding new friends will be a pain in the ass because like I stated before, I'm not a very sociable person. maybe I'll just focus on my goals for now, I'll be starting college again soon so I might just bury my head in my books again.

[MikeW]

as far as the feelings of loneliness and desperation those have been going on for a while now, and I do have my bouts with depression. it's extremely frustrating to see friends and family find SO's then get married and have kids and everyone is asking why I haven't found anyone yet, and I know I should just dump the people who are homophobic and come out but as heavy as religion is in this area that's potentially cutting out everyone and finding new friends will be a pain in the ass because like I stated before, I'm not a very sociable person. maybe I'll just focus on my goals for now, I'll be starting college again soon so I might just bury my head in my books again.

As someone who used to do this to myself endlessly, I hate to see young people tie themselves in knots. Damned if you do, damned if you don't. Burying your head in books is all well and good BUT you aren't happy. That needs focus, too. What would make ceez happy? Can he let himself have that?

[ceez]

As someone who used to do this to myself endlessly, I hate to see young people tie themselves in knots. Damned if you do, damned if you don't. Burying your head in books is all well and good BUT you aren't happy. That needs focus, too. What would make ceez happy? Can he let himself have that?

I know, I'm hoping to be in my first house by the end of the summer and I want to be out to at least one person by then but I honestly don't know if I'll be able to do it.

[MikeW]

I know, I'm hoping to be in my first house by the end of the summer and I want to be out to at least one person by then but I honestly don't know if I'll be able to do it.

One thing I've learned to do is take my victories where I can find them. Setting goals for yourself is a fine thing to do; but they're not good if we fall short of them and then use THAT to beat ourselves up or feel badly about ourselves. (The feeling badly about ourselves is the problem, not so much the goals and or whether we meet them.) So if I set myself a goal and get even 80% of it, although I didn't reach 100%, the 80% is NOT nothing... it is quite an accomplishment. So... don't fret. Just keep focused on your aims and goals and what you need to do to achieve them and give yourself a break when things don't always work out as you'd planned or hoped. A TON of gay young men LOVE to beat themselves up, put themselves down, make themselves crazy (having been one of them myself).

You know, one thing they never tell you is that attention and relaxation are the keys to a good life. What you pay attention to in the world and in yourself largely determines what you are, who you become. So it is important to pay attention to WHAT you pay attention to. If you're focused on the negative.... well.... that influences you and it can become a downward spiral. I'm not suggesting we all become Pollyannas, everything is just peachy. What I'm suggesting is you give yourself some psychological 'space'... and that's where the relaxation part of it comes in. Relax the tension that has built up in your mind and in your emotions. However you can, find ways of "unwinding" those knots you've gotten yourself tied up in.