Getting over someone
07-04-2015, 06:02 PM
Well, two weeks ago, I was dumped by my first love after 2 and a half years. She got bored of me, lost interest, fell out of love... I can't figure out why, because the only changes in me were things she wanted (they were healthy changes, like being more confident, joking more) but even before that she had stopped caring, or so she said. It was a long distance relationship, and my first serious relationship. I'm a nervous person by nature, and to an extent so is she, so the three weeks we were in the same place didn't really involve a whole lot, but they were still the best days of my life. Not only could I see and feel her love then, but her best friend who had been skeptical of our relationship saw it. She was so happy for us, and was asking when I'd be moving to their country! This was August of last year. I don't know what changed between then and now, and I guess that's why it's so hard for me to move on.
My ex kept talking to me about getting married. She told me that next time I visited her we should do it, as it was being legalized in her country. She told me what kind of ring to buy for her when I'd propose, and in that last week we were together she had me helping her to choose a flavor for the wedding cake... Then that Saturday, out of the blue, she ended it. It was so calm... we talked for a good 2-3 hours, me trying to convince her not to leave, but she wasn't upset, so none of my points worked. I knew the whole time that I wasn't going to be able to sway her, but I had to try. It was so sudden and unexpected.
Everyone here thought she wasn't going anywhere. My dad was thinking about trying to buy a house with a mobile home on the same lot so she could move here and be close to us. My sister, who was studying abroad in Korea until recently, had even bought a souvenir for her. Everyone was surprised when this happened. I was immensely hurt, particularly because at the beginning, when we both acknowledged that we had feelings for one another, I didn't want to get involved. It was long distance (as in an ocean between us), there was someone else she'd been in love with, and I just didn't see how it could work. She convinced me that we should try, that she would never do something like this, that she was willing to try for us. She straight-up told me she never breaks up with people, and because she was so charming and I had such feelings I gave in. And I know that when she said those things, she meant them. It's just that... my fears came true, and I got hurt, badly. At the time, I would have preferred to just be her friend forever and never have anything happen between us, and I could have gotten over her, but due to her mutual feelings and persuasion, I started wanting nothing more than to be with her.
Now she's just gone, and I'd once again prefer if we'd just stayed friends. I spoke to her almost everyday for nearly 3 years, and now she just isn't here anymore. I know, I know, this isn't that unusual of a break up story. It's just I've never had a break up in a serious relationship. The only time I was dumped before, it had been a relationship I had known would not last, and though I was hurt, it wasn't that big of a deal. This, even in the last week, I thought she'd always be my girl. Now I don't get to talk to her at all anymore. My dad said that maybe after a few days she'd regret it and come back, but she didn't. Now, I don't know what to do. I still love her, but I know that if she were to come back to me now (which I doubt she will, if I knew her at all, I'll never see her again) that I wouldn't be able to trust her, we could never be together again, and I don't know if I can be friends with her after having been her lover for so long.
My friends have been telling me that it will get better in time, that I'll find someone even better someday who will love me as much as I loved her, that I just have to keep doing things I enjoy for the sake of enjoying them and I'll get over her in time. But I don't know if I can. I'm a very emotional person, and I don't get close to people easily. What with anxiety and being naturally quiet (and poor enough I don't have access to the latest movies/games/etc. and so no grounds for regular discussion), it's hard for me to become friends with someone, much less get close enough for something like that. I know I only got her because we met online, on a forum, where it's easier to talk to people. I don't like IMs because they make me nervous, so those and video chatting are impossible until I'm close to someone. I didn't think that would ever be a problem because I had her.
Now, I still can't stop thinking about her. Every day, every night, I miss her, I remember the days when she loved me, and I can't sleep properly. I have made progress, because I can eat again and I'm not just bursting into tears at random points anymore, but I need to stop thinking about her, stop remembering what can never be again. I don't know of a way to do that without meeting someone else, but I also know that that wouldn't be healthy for me right now. Not to mention I don't know how I'd go about meeting someone else at the moment since I don't have a means to go out in public to meet someone and there's no place I know of to go meet bi or gay ladies (I'm more interested in women than men, though I could be convinced to see a guy if he caught my eye) and I don't want to try dating sites and IMing strangers until one sticks. I want another girlfriend, and I don't want to die alone. My sister has said she's going to take me and my brother (who's been pining over a lesbian friend of his for a few years now (and no she's not an option)) out and be our "wing man" one day but I don't know. At the same time as I want someone else and want to get distracted from my ex, I also don't know if I want to go through it again, or if that should even be soon, if I did.
In August I'm starting my last semester at my university, and a friend of mine told me that I should wait until September, at least, to make sure I'm over my ex and able to do schoolwork. He suggested I join some clubs at uni as well, and I thought about it, but they all meet at times I couldn't be on campus or have no available info, so that's a bust for now. I don't know what to do. Maybe the only thing to do is what my friends have suggested, but I had things I still wanted to say about it and get advice from someone that I couldn't talk to them about anymore because everyone gets awkward when I mention it. I feel so empty, and like this is all a dream, and when I see happy couples, I just get so bitter and angry feeling inside. It's not healthy. Well anyway... thanks if you read all this, and more thanks if you can give me some advice.
My ex kept talking to me about getting married. She told me that next time I visited her we should do it, as it was being legalized in her country. She told me what kind of ring to buy for her when I'd propose, and in that last week we were together she had me helping her to choose a flavor for the wedding cake... Then that Saturday, out of the blue, she ended it. It was so calm... we talked for a good 2-3 hours, me trying to convince her not to leave, but she wasn't upset, so none of my points worked. I knew the whole time that I wasn't going to be able to sway her, but I had to try. It was so sudden and unexpected.
Everyone here thought she wasn't going anywhere. My dad was thinking about trying to buy a house with a mobile home on the same lot so she could move here and be close to us. My sister, who was studying abroad in Korea until recently, had even bought a souvenir for her. Everyone was surprised when this happened. I was immensely hurt, particularly because at the beginning, when we both acknowledged that we had feelings for one another, I didn't want to get involved. It was long distance (as in an ocean between us), there was someone else she'd been in love with, and I just didn't see how it could work. She convinced me that we should try, that she would never do something like this, that she was willing to try for us. She straight-up told me she never breaks up with people, and because she was so charming and I had such feelings I gave in. And I know that when she said those things, she meant them. It's just that... my fears came true, and I got hurt, badly. At the time, I would have preferred to just be her friend forever and never have anything happen between us, and I could have gotten over her, but due to her mutual feelings and persuasion, I started wanting nothing more than to be with her.
Now she's just gone, and I'd once again prefer if we'd just stayed friends. I spoke to her almost everyday for nearly 3 years, and now she just isn't here anymore. I know, I know, this isn't that unusual of a break up story. It's just I've never had a break up in a serious relationship. The only time I was dumped before, it had been a relationship I had known would not last, and though I was hurt, it wasn't that big of a deal. This, even in the last week, I thought she'd always be my girl. Now I don't get to talk to her at all anymore. My dad said that maybe after a few days she'd regret it and come back, but she didn't. Now, I don't know what to do. I still love her, but I know that if she were to come back to me now (which I doubt she will, if I knew her at all, I'll never see her again) that I wouldn't be able to trust her, we could never be together again, and I don't know if I can be friends with her after having been her lover for so long.
My friends have been telling me that it will get better in time, that I'll find someone even better someday who will love me as much as I loved her, that I just have to keep doing things I enjoy for the sake of enjoying them and I'll get over her in time. But I don't know if I can. I'm a very emotional person, and I don't get close to people easily. What with anxiety and being naturally quiet (and poor enough I don't have access to the latest movies/games/etc. and so no grounds for regular discussion), it's hard for me to become friends with someone, much less get close enough for something like that. I know I only got her because we met online, on a forum, where it's easier to talk to people. I don't like IMs because they make me nervous, so those and video chatting are impossible until I'm close to someone. I didn't think that would ever be a problem because I had her.
Now, I still can't stop thinking about her. Every day, every night, I miss her, I remember the days when she loved me, and I can't sleep properly. I have made progress, because I can eat again and I'm not just bursting into tears at random points anymore, but I need to stop thinking about her, stop remembering what can never be again. I don't know of a way to do that without meeting someone else, but I also know that that wouldn't be healthy for me right now. Not to mention I don't know how I'd go about meeting someone else at the moment since I don't have a means to go out in public to meet someone and there's no place I know of to go meet bi or gay ladies (I'm more interested in women than men, though I could be convinced to see a guy if he caught my eye) and I don't want to try dating sites and IMing strangers until one sticks. I want another girlfriend, and I don't want to die alone. My sister has said she's going to take me and my brother (who's been pining over a lesbian friend of his for a few years now (and no she's not an option)) out and be our "wing man" one day but I don't know. At the same time as I want someone else and want to get distracted from my ex, I also don't know if I want to go through it again, or if that should even be soon, if I did.
In August I'm starting my last semester at my university, and a friend of mine told me that I should wait until September, at least, to make sure I'm over my ex and able to do schoolwork. He suggested I join some clubs at uni as well, and I thought about it, but they all meet at times I couldn't be on campus or have no available info, so that's a bust for now. I don't know what to do. Maybe the only thing to do is what my friends have suggested, but I had things I still wanted to say about it and get advice from someone that I couldn't talk to them about anymore because everyone gets awkward when I mention it. I feel so empty, and like this is all a dream, and when I see happy couples, I just get so bitter and angry feeling inside. It's not healthy. Well anyway... thanks if you read all this, and more thanks if you can give me some advice.
![[-]](https://gayspeak.com/images/duende_v3_local/collapse.png)
Aquarius
So... I played day and night with pausing just to sleep. It took me 2 weeks to get him over. But I did, thanks to a friend of mine who kept making me to play NFS U2 in VPN with him. He did that to stop me from thinking about my love but I realized that much later.
Capricorn
