Pray For Me Please

[meridannight]

But my fellows, I need your help. PLEASE ask God a last chance for me. You don't know me and I don't mean anything to you guys but PLEASE for a second emphatise with me.

If you want to abuse me, say whatever you want to but still PRAY FOR ME. I really believe, prayer has power especially if it's from the heart and in uniso

I just hope my results turn out to be negative. PLEASE PRAY FOR ME.

PLEASE PRAY FOR ME.

i won't pray for you because god doesn't exist and i don't talk to imaginary beings.

other than that:

Next day I went to the doctor and he suggested me to relax, calm down and asked me to go for a test after 3 months.

that's the best advice you've been given. i suggest you take it.

[rado84]

If you rely on "god" to fix all of your problems, you better dig a grave yourself and burry yourself right now. There's no such thing as "god". The sooner you realize that - the better for you.

[Pyromancer]

If you rely on "god" to fix all of your problems, you better dig a grave yourself and burry yourself right now. There's no such thing as "god". The sooner you realize that - the better for you.

Yes...and what it comes down to is taking responsibility for your own life and accepting the consequences of your own actions.

[rado84]

Indeed. But that's the problem of the believers - they tend to blame someone else for the problems they brought to themselves, rather than thinking how did they end up there and how could they solve the problem. Much like the Greeks at the moment...

[Darius]

gayboyindia, you realize what a foolish thing you have done, so don't do that again. It's not worth it, is it? Mixing sex with drugs or alcohol is never a good idea. We all need to learn from our stupidity.
What have you learned?

[gayboyindia24]

[MENTION=21957]Darius[/MENTION] [MENTION=22947]rado84[/MENTION] I agree what I have done is complete stupidity. I wish could back and change it. It is not only the fear of contracting HIV, it is the guilt and disgust feeling that I am unable to face it.

Every time my mother calls, I just can't talk to her, the guilt in is killing me. She thinks I am her good, decent son which I am not.

I agree to some of you said that I should take responsibility of my deed. So, anyway I would have to, but I can take that guilt off, that day from my mind, those scary images of me howling like a bitch.

Of course I have learnt a big lesson in my life and I am not blaming God for this. No ..not at all. But I really need his help , his power to forgive me for the last time.

All I have learnt is never drugs, poppers, or random sex. A healthy, positive & a safety life I intend to lead now.

[East]

Of course I have learnt a big lesson in my life and I am not blaming God for this. No ..not at all. But I really need his help , his power to forgive me for the last time.

All I have learnt is never drugs, poppers, or random sex. A healthy, positive & a safety life I intend to lead now.

Honestly...with THIS final analysis...you WILL repeat it...and probably much worse next time.

Study Ted Haggard....or any of the other people who wanted to be "pure and good". What you are going to do is create it by denying your feelings..and you will create a monster...

You still give GOD the power that belongs to you...it isn't his/her/it forgiveness that you need...it is your own. Without that..you have nothing...

[meridannight]

All I have learnt is never drugs, poppers, or random sex. A healthy, positive & a safety life I intend to lead now.

more drugs for me. yay!

[MikeW]

Every time my mother calls, I just can't talk to her, the guilt in is killing me. She thinks I am her good, decent son which I am not.

I agree to some of you said that I should take responsibility of my deed. So, anyway I would have to, but I can take that guilt off, that day from my mind, those scary images of me howling like a bitch.

Of course I have learnt a big lesson in my life and I am not blaming God for this. No ..not at all. But I really need his help , his power to forgive me for the last time.

All I have learnt is never drugs, poppers, or random sex. A healthy, positive & a safety life I intend to lead now.

Guilt and shame are utterly useless emotions and total wastes of personal energy. Taking responsibility for your actions does not require feeling guilt or shame for them. Embarrassment, perhaps, should be as far as that goes unless it is extremely egregious (bad, harmful to someone else).

I'm not judging you for what you DID... what's wrong with screaming like a bitch? You enjoyed it, obviously. You put yourself in a risky situation -- and, personally, I see nothing wrong with that in and of itself. PROVIDED you (anyone) take personal responsibility for your decision and actions. Right now I'm engaged in risky behavior. I'm not going to go into detail in a pubic forum but I'm choosing to do something that is *potentially* harmful. I have no illusions about it. Neither do I feel guilty or ashamed. I'm doing it because I want to and in the full knowledge that I'm taking a risk that could do myself harm. For me there is a risk / benefit ratio; I believe the benefits are worth the personal risks.

Do you see what I'm trying to say here? You haven't done anything "wrong" or anything you should feel guilty or ashamed of. What you've done is behave irresponsibly and then freak out about it asking total strangers to, in essence, petition "God" to rescue you. You don't need to be rescued any more than you need to feel guilty or ashamed. What you need is to accept responsibility of your actions. And, as [MENTION=18508]East[/MENTION] said, the only entity that needs to "forgive" you is yourself. That, too, is apart of taking responsibility for you life. FOR SURE we *all* make mistakes... that's part of growing. What matters is whether or not we LEARN from our mistakes so we don't make them again.

I also agree that your current attitude of "I'll be a better person," may NOT work out. We all have "dark sides" and I don't believe suppressing them and pretending they don't exists works very well. They have *their* needs... and if we try to suppress them, they'll just come back in force.

In fact, I suspect that is precisely what happened in this instance. You've denied yourself the desire to engage in risky behavior and, in a moment of weakness, you just went all out. THEN, the "good boy" comes back on stage and says, "Oh my god, what have I done! -- I feel SO ashamed..." It's bullshit, actually, a form of lying to one's self. An analogy would be needing to loose weight and pledging not to eat chocolate ice cream, something you love and crave. You might be able to do it for a while but there very likely will come a time when the hungry ice cream monster will take over and you'll BINGE on the ice cream, precisely *because* you suppressed the urge to have it.

A better attitude (IMO) is to accept that i have urges that may not be healthy. I *may* choose to indulge them but, if so, I can do it in a way that *minimizes* the risks to my health. There's nothing wrong with having group sex and wailing like a bitch. There's nothing wrong with using illicit drugs (I have) PROVIDED you do so SANELY. If you can't do THAT, if you have some sort of death wish or addictive personality, if you can't be "sane" about it, then, indeed you should NOT engage in risky behavior at all. OR, as I believe, you should find less threatening ways of taking risks. Taking risks is EXCITING, right? So... take up sky diving or something.

In any case get over the guilt and shame. You are who you are. You do what you do. The question is are you a responsible adult or not? NO ONE made you do what you did. You chose it. OK, so now choose to accept the responsibility for your actions without guilt or shame.

[rado84]

[MENTION=21957]Darius[/MENTION] [MENTION=22947]rado84[/MENTION] I agree what I have done is complete stupidity. I wish could back and change it. It is not only the fear of contracting HIV, it is the guilt and disgust feeling that I am unable to face it.

Every time my mother calls, I just can't talk to her, the guilt in is killing me. She thinks I am her good, decent son which I am not.

I agree to some of you said that I should take responsibility of my deed. So, anyway I would have to, but I can take that guilt off, that day from my mind, those scary images of me howling like a bitch.

Of course I have learnt a big lesson in my life and I am not blaming God for this. No ..not at all. But I really need his help , his power to forgive me for the last time.

All I have learnt is never drugs, poppers, or random sex. A healthy, positive & a safety life I intend to lead now.

Maybe you're not blaming god for this but you're still waiting for him to undo your mistakes which is equally bad. Have you heard of the saying "God helps those who help themselves"? Think about its meaning.