Troubles finishing :/

[KillerBro98]

So I have been together with my first boyfriend for 2 months, we are still in high school and have been sexually active with each other after 1 month but didn't go all the way till the 7th of July (our 2 month anniversary coincidentally). In our relationship I'm a versatile top while he's a bottom.
Anyways so far in that time he's finished 4 times and have only once, I'm afraid and feel like he is starting to blame himself even thought he's literally my dream guy in every way. I really want to finish for him but have troubles climaxing. At first I thought is was just because he's my first, but now that we have become more comfortable with each other it's starting to worry me..and him.

I also as a kid in elementary was diagnosed with a slight form of ADHD which heavily affects my memory and ability to multi-task, would that have anything to do with my issue. Please help

[MikeW]

..... Please help

Well, tell us more, if you don't mind. Do you have trouble climaxing when you're just jerking off? More to the point, when you say you have trouble climaxing... be specific. Do you mean jerking of with or on him, cumming inside a condom in him, or what exactly? I'm sorry I'm asking for such explicit details but they may be important in helping us understand your problem.

Just in general it is *my* observation that a lot of young guys these days have the very problem you're talking about. (I can think of at least two I've met right here on this forum.) Part of what I think about this is that young guys are USED to jerking off alone. Used to touching themselves a certain way and not at all used to being touched by someone else or doing something WITH someone else. It may all be very pleasurable and exciting but when it comes to "going over the edge..." it seems like something "inhibits" us/them.

As an older man I *can* tell you not to worry about it overly much. I realize that' easier said than done. But I've had sex for decades and I can tell you for a fact, *sometimes* I come very easily; sometimes I can hardly get off at all.... and this may all be with the same partner I've been with for years. There are just WAY too many variables to say for sure why that happens.... but it happens.

The worst thing either of you can do is blame yourselves or one another. You really need to be clear about this for yourself and your partner... he isn't the problem. Neither are you, for that matter. A lot of it, I think, is just simply matter of learning to LOOSE CONTROL while in the presence of someone else. Some guys can do that more easily than others... and we're talking about something on a pre-conscious level (something over which you have little to no conscious control).

Beyond that, I don't know. When you do get yourself off (like when you're jerking off) how do you do that? Are you watching or looking at a particular kind of porn (for example)? Would it help to do that WITH your BF? Is it okay experiment with different things to see what helps? It's ok to do that you know... love making doesn't have to be like porn... in fact it shouldn't be. It should just be fun -- or whatever you want it to be.

I don't know if I'm helping. Just don't get too hung up on this. I've definitely been with guys who only came once every other blue moon. At my age, although I jerk off a lot, it sometimes takes me a couple hours to "get there". Sorry if that is TMI; just saying, people are different psychologically, physiologically, so ... hard to say for sure. ADHD having anything to do with it? I doubt it.

[MikeW]

OH, PS, welcome to the forum! Keep hanging out and getting to know us. As a general rule, we don't bite.

[Gideon]

Sounds like you might be stressing a little too much. The whole "performance anxiety" thing, yeah?
Maybe you're so focused on his pleasure that you forget about your own?

Try and relax, man. And try new things. Have -him- try new things

Hell just find a way to...watch his face when he blows. -Listen- to the sounds he makes, feel the way his body moves when he's about to spew. For me, at least, my pleasure is largely about -his- pleasure. The more I focus on how into he is, the more into it I am in turn.

It'll work out. Try not to stress yourself too much on it.

[Camfer]

well you haven't given us enough details but here goes.

First, you can have fully pleasurable successful sex without an orgasm. Next you can have orgasms without cumming. So focusing on "finishing" might even be part of the issue. If you focus on enjoying each other, then really what does it matter if you cum?

Next, you don't tell us what you're up to when you don't cum. Are you topping him wearing a condom? If so, try changing up the lube and the condom. Try using a lot less lube. Try different positions. Try refraining from jerking off for a day or two prior to sex. Yeah you're 16, so I know that's no easy task. Some guys can't cum with condoms. Can you top him until he cums and then jerk yourself off while sucking him? That might work and be a lot of fun.

[KillerBro98]

When ever I'm by myself I don't have troubles at all, in fact before I was together with him I was afraid of being a super-quick-to-climax person but I'm the opposite in when we're together. Really it's just cumming in general, sometimes I near and gets really close but then it goes away all together (not boner included but the sensation). When I'm by myself I usually throw on some porn but lately I've tried to cut back on that because I feel like it's part of the problem. When jerking off I don't often use lubricant but have been getting more into using it lately, the porn I'm into is quite similar to how we are in bed with lots of foreplay and bj and bareback action (but minus the emotional connection of course).

Also thanks for welcoming me, I've visited these sites before but this is the first time that I've become a part of one

[KillerBro98]

When I'm jerking off by myself I don't have any trouble cumming. So when I have trouble cumming it's in almost every situation with him, bj, hj, anal. When I jerk off by myself I usually throw on some porn but lately have been working on my imagination because I feel that has a part in the problem, but when I do use porn it's similar to how we are in bed, lots of foreplay with bj and hj then anal. When we go all the way since we were both virgins we have never used condoms but have been considering it just to play around and see what they are like. In terms of lube we normally use coconut oil which is just like canola oil but without the strange slightly grainy feel.

[Spinz]

I have ADHD too.

I have the same problem with new relationships, but after 4-6 months, some kind of guard comes down and it's easier. Relax. I don't understand it either but it goes away. 2 months isn't enough and you've just started having sex.

For me, I can't get hard with someone new and can't cum for a long while. You'll be okay.

Good news is sex is SOOOO much better when you've been together for a long while. It just gets better and better.

[Virge]

Mike Gideon and Camfer pretty much hit on Most things I would have said.

I remember sex at 16 except I wasn't out and was having it with women. I had the exact same problem you're talking about. It's all part of the learning curve I guess. It takes time to work it all out. No reason to feel like anything is wrong with you.

This is going to sound as weird to you as it would have to me eleven years ago but not all penetration has to lead to orgasms. One of the GREAT things my guy and I love to do is spoon on the couch with a throw blanket watching TV with me penetrating him. As far as bedtime goes... I'd estimate that 50% of the time we fall asleep with one of us penetrating the other, spooning.

It's not all about the porny humping and pumping either. About half the time, sex for us (while penetrating) involves conversation more than actual hard core fucking. Also sometimes I intentionally hold back from having orgasms just to prolong things for a couple of hours and get him off at least twice and smother him with attention in the process. The upside of that is the payback is great! If I do that to him two or three nights in a row he turns into a beast who's going to force me to have orgasms until he's satisfied. Hahahhahahaha!

In other words, mix it all up, skip all the frigging the rules you think there are about sex and penetration and go at it just for fun and "being with each other."

[Anocxu]

If you have trouble finishing..
You should go to a finishing school...
Duh!!

Kidding..
You have to remember..
You're young and still learning...
Time to practice and develop some skills...

Do you own a fleshlight?