Hot and cold?

[ChrisH]

So, this perhaps, rather personal, though to others it may not be. So here I am.

In any case, what could be lingering below the surface here?

Lemme explain: when I'm not dating anyone, I have a high sex drive (only satiated by masturbation).

When I'm dating someone, I stop masturbating completely. There's no need to.

And yet, I don't immediately want sex from whoever I'm dating, and I figure it can wait. Basically, I'm no longer horny.

Off the top of my head, I figure this could be simply because:

1) I don't know what sex is like. (I've never had sex).

2) I have never had any desire to have NSA sex, or FWB or any other acronym for strange.


Could there be more?

I mean, when I date someone, looks only matter so much; I go for personality traits and things in common/not in common.

[Mdoc]

Could it be that with the fact you have never had sex, perhaps apart of you thinks that any partner your with will not know how to please you, or perhaps your just happy pleasing yourself and don't feel the need for sexual contact with another person but you do wish to have the emotional and mental comfort of having a partner?

There is a term for such a person but right now its not popping into my mind, im thinking asexual, but not sure that is the name for it. Perhaps someone else can help with that, or you can do a google search on such terms and it may help you feel more comfortable with yourself.

[East]

I think you need to get in touch with the real reason...or reasons..why you have never had sex with anyone....

Think of the truth like an onion...

Maybe what you have said far is the truth...but it isn't the entire truth..not even close...so peel the onion....and the truth will reveal itself...layer by layer...

The first thing that comes to mind for me everytime I hear this from a younger person..and it is quite common today (when I was 25..NO ONE was a virgin)....

Being 24..you have grown up with the reality that...quite possibly... sex=death...not an easy thing to come to terms with. I'd start there...

[Rareboy]

Time to get yourself laid.

I think East nails it. So many young guys now think that every person they fuck is going to be a death sentence...but I do appreciate that you may enjoy solo masturbation to the point of not letting anyone else in. By sex do you mean penetration or all forms of intimate contact like mutual JO and Oral?

If you've never actually fooled around with another guy's junk, that is one thing. If you have brought someone else to orgasm while dating them...then all is not lost.

[Anocxu]

Personally..
I think you're a healthy, curious, rational, patient, respectful fellow.

You haven't had sex..
Don't rush... take Your time..

[Radbot42]

Sounds like you want to have real personal connection with your relationship before having sex. Nothing wrong with this at all. Just tell him you like to take it slow. When you know there is something strong there start the fun. This is how I prefer to have a relationship. There is no rush to get down and dirty, although it is the bee's knees! (what does this phrase even mean)

[Virge]

It sounds like brain cancer.

[ChrisH]

I think you need to get in touch with the real reason...or reasons..why you have never had sex with anyone....

Think of the truth like an onion...

Maybe what you have said far is the truth...but it isn't the entire truth..not even close...so peel the onion....and the truth will reveal itself...layer by layer...

The first thing that comes to mind for me everytime I hear this from a younger person..and it is quite common today (when I was 25..NO ONE was a virgin)....

Being 24..you have grown up with the reality that...quite possibly... sex=death...not an easy thing to come to terms with. I'd start there...

Okay, let's peel back some layers.

Most guys I've met, they lost their virginity when they were in high school, or early on in college.

And that's fine.

For me however:

- in high school, I couldn't figure out my sexuality, and with that I had this stigma that being gay was somehow bad (y'know the whole rap - "it's just a phase!" or "you're going to hell!" or "all gays are pedophiles!" - that's all I heard growing up)

- I didn't like most people in high school (I kept to myself most of the time), though I also had a few homophobic friends as well. I didn't know anyone that was gay apart from the rumor mill.

- I look back on my first semester of college and realize I could've gotten laid, but didn't.



I'm through with college, and honestly, sex just isn't appealing to me up front, at least if I'm dating someone. I've already dealt with enough stigma around the stereotype that, at least according to my own mother, being gay means I'm a total manwhore. (Which is false, and she's been corrected numerous times about what being "gay" really means). I could go on Grindr and shack up with someone, but I have no interest in doing so. I'm simply one of those guys who looks for personal connections first before physical attraction.

Does that explain me?

[Lexington]

If I had to guess, it sounds like you're determined, both consciously and unconsciously, to...well, prove people (especially your mother) wrong. That being gay doesn't mean being (in your words) "a total manwhore". And let's face it - one might argue how much sex one might have to have in order to be considered a "manwhore", but nobody is going to attach that label to a guy who NEVER has sex. So I'm guessing there's a desire there to separate yourself from the pack. "See, Mom/world/myself? I'm not like that! Everybody says gays screw like rabbits, but nobody can say that about ME."

...my guess, anyway.

And hey - your life. If you want to live life without ever having sex, that's totally your call. Put it on your tombstone if you'd like - "Here Lies Chris - Didn't Give It Up To (Just) Anybody". But for myself, sex is awesome, and I'm totally stoked to participate in it.

Lex

[East]

I'm simply one of those guys who looks for personal connections first before physical attraction.

Does that explain me?

Well... there ya go then. Problem solved. MOST guys do have to face the sex=death thing....on an unconscious... or very conscious... level....glad you are an exception. Good luck to you

Maybe now that marriage is legal everywhere in the US...you could join one of those abstinence until marriage clubs...or start a gay chapter...someone will sooner or latter...and maybe you can find a like minded person within those ranks...