Finding dates

[Anonymous]

Is there much hope for guys who aren't extroverts and constantly out in the bars and other social gatherings on a perpetual "hunt" as everyone else seems to be? I'm not opposed to hooking up or casual sex but would much prefer something more. What I see mostly is people dating one guy a few weeks, maybe another a few months, occasionally maybe a year. A never ending series of short and/or superficial "relationships". I KNOW there are the rare ones that last many years but that is NOT the norm. When you get older being on the prowl all the time gets more and more tedious. Not to mention more difficult as you are less and less marketable. It's difficult to find guys to date let alone find anyone whom you match up with.

[Anocxu]

Is there much hope for guys who aren't extroverts and constantly out in the bars and other social gatherings on a perpetual "hunt" as everyone else seems to be?

I know a Few couples that have met in a club or bar that were able to sustain a long-term relationship.

I'm not opposed to hooking up or casual sex but would much prefer something more.

If this is what You want..
Do not compromise.

What I see mostly is people dating one guy a few weeks, maybe another a few months, occasionally maybe a year. A never ending series of short and/or superficial "relationships".

Personally I think a bar or club or any "Fast" alcohol fueled environment ..sets the tone for these outcomes....

Guys get drunk, hook up then try to make something of it..

When you get older being on the prowl all the time gets more and more tedious. Not to mention more difficult as you are less and less marketable.

Yes and no...
I believe getting older should change the way you socialize... Date and choose your dates...

It's difficult to find guys to date let alone find anyone whom you match up with.

It is difficult. ..
This is the reason most guys would prefer to just hookup...

Go for what you want..
Absolutely nothing wrong with digging past the surface

[Beaux]

Is there much hope for guys who aren't extroverts and constantly out in the bars and other social gatherings on a perpetual "hunt" as everyone else seems to be? I'm not opposed to hooking up or casual sex but would much prefer something more. What I see mostly is people dating one guy a few weeks, maybe another a few months, occasionally maybe a year. A never ending series of short and/or superficial "relationships". I KNOW there are the rare ones that last many years but that is NOT the norm. When you get older being on the prowl all the time gets more and more tedious. Not to mention more difficult as you are less and less marketable. It's difficult to find guys to date let alone find anyone whom you match up with.

There are so many statements in this post that I disagree with, that I just don't even know where to start.
The majority of my friends who are gay are all in long term relationships (10 or more years). Counting them up, unless I am missing someone, it comes to over 20 couples. My single gay friends number a total of 8.
The statement about being older and "on the prowl", doesn't describe anyone I personally know. The only gay friends I have that I *might* describe that way are a couple of guys I know from yoga who are in their early 20's.
If you are having trouble meeting eligible men, perhaps you are looking in the wrong places? Instead of going out to bars, join an LGBT activist group, or better yet a LGBT charitable organization. I personally know 4 couples who met while volunteering. One couple met volunteering at Dinning Out For Life, and 3 other couples who met volunteering at the Low Country HIV Outreach program.
~Beaux

[Anonymous]

Most guys I know of are single and most of them would rather NOT be I'm pretty sure. Of the three or four 10 to 20 year relationships I was aware of have all broken up.

Younger guys I think enjoy the pursuit and variety but the older guys are tired of looking but if you don't you stay or end up alone so they sort of have to. I would rather have sex within a relationship but on the other hand I don't want to be a monk until (or IF) one ever comes along.

[Lexington]

There seems to be a bit of a fallacy running through your post.

I won't lie - it's awesome having a wonderful, stable, long-term relationship. But one of the things that's so awesome about it is the fact that I spent a fair chunk of time before that being single, or dating guys briefly who didn't work. But those early boyfriends and dates weren't wastes of time. It was (if you will) panning for gold. Seeing if there was anything there. Seeing if this relationship would be a good solid one. And...the first few weren't. They weren't bad people - we just weren't compatible enough. We made decent friends or OK fuck-buddies, but we weren't long-term relationship material for each other. But that's OK. We ended up being much-better fits for other people.

What you seem to be saying - and I hear similar complaints from others "new to the scene" - is that you want to bypass that. Go straight to the end. "Let's just jump to the part where I meet the guy I end up being perfect with." Well, sorry, there's no real shortcut there. There are things to make it easier, of course. You can go online and read up on a bunch of guys. You can join gay social groups so you have at least one thing in common (biking, the arts, what have you). But your happily-ever-after isn't walking around with a big blinking arrow over his head that reads "THIS IS THE ONE". You have to find out if a guy is right for you. And you do that by dating...and often those dates are casual, and often involve seeing if you two are sexually compatible as well. That doesn't mean you have to drop trou and throw your ass in the air every time you meet a guy. But that IS something you're eventually going to want to find out.

Point being - just because guys date casually, or break up after a few weeks or months, doesn't necessarily mean they don't take the whole thing seriously. They probably ARE hoping to find that guy they mesh perfectly with. The breaking-up just usually means they haven't found that guy yet.

Lex

[Anonymous]

That makes a lot of sense Lex. I've been "new" for about 7 or 8 years now (and was single plenty before that) so I;ve had "enough" of it. It may as well have been last month since I don't feel I have ANY clue what guys are looking for or wanting in a partner.

It's such an easy come easy go routine that other people must be "stronger" than I am mentally OR have gotten "used to" the casualness of it over more years than I've been around it.

I won't lie - so far it's been a surprisingly disheartening experience. I had the illusion that 2 guys dating might be "easier".

[matty7]

I agree with your original post but I have no answers as im in the same boat really - I cant wrap my head around gay or straight people inc friends who will just leave one partner and simply spin their head around and the first women they see will do - that's not me, im like those penguins that mate and stay together for life lol ....but I guess life has to be unfair to someone....otherwise who would the lucky ones compare themselves to