need help with a guy ive been speaking too

[princealbertofb]

Since your patience and belief in it ever happening is beginning to wear thin, I think you could impose a form of pact such as giving HIM the choice of three dates (or more, or less, depending on how hooked you are on something happening) he can set up with you (when you are available for this meeting of course). He chooses the dates, and you both agree on a public place so as no to be in any danger.

Give him the benefit of the doubt for the first one, then maybe the second, if he fails to show up but at the third time he fails to come through, that must be a sign that he's hopelessly never going to get his act together. At each failed date, don't forget to give him some feedback on how thin your patience is growing.

Then he'll lose you. Time to quit.

[princealbertofb]

[quote=Virge]For the convenience of other GS members I'm including the link to the identical thread you posted with a different title so they can do their answers in duplicate as well.
https://gayspeak.com/showthread.php?p=578923#post578923


I avoided replying yesterday because I wanted to give other a chance before I did. I keep hoping others will start stepping in on threads like this to talk about the 2,000 pound gorilla staring out of the OP and not always leave it up to me to do it.

1 year of chatting on grindr or any social media without ever meeting face to face does not come close to something known in the real world as a proper relationship even though the two of you may not be seeing anyone else. There could be other reasons neither of you aren't seeing others... like both of you constantly sitting at home and not doing anything but 'living' virtual lives online. There's nothing real or proper about it. It's a cyber fantasy, a virtual relationship that only exists 'in the cloud' and any resemblance it has to your real life is only coincidental.

Get off your computer. Get out of this fantasy world and go meet real people and try to have real relationships.[/QUOTE]
I agree, of course, [MENTION=21084]Virge[/MENTION], with what you're saying, but our OP is actually trying to make that REAL meeting happen. It's the other guy who's stalling, no? Let's not be unfair to him. But waking up and smelling the coffee (or the rat) seems to be the solution.

[Virge]

[quote=Virge]For the convenience of other GS members I'm including the link to the identical thread you posted with a different title so they can do their answers in duplicate as well.
https://gayspeak.com/showthread.php?p=578923#post578923


I avoided replying yesterday because I wanted to give other a chance before I did. I keep hoping others will start stepping in on threads like this to talk about the 2,000 pound gorilla staring out of the OP and not always leave it up to me to do it.

1 year of chatting on grindr or any social media without ever meeting face to face does not come close to something known in the real world as a proper relationship even though the two of you may not be seeing anyone else. There could be other reasons neither of you aren't seeing others... like both of you constantly sitting at home and not doing anything but 'living' virtual lives online. There's nothing real or proper about it. It's a cyber fantasy, a virtual relationship that only exists 'in the cloud' and any resemblance it has to your real life is only coincidental.

Get off your computer. Get out of this fantasy world and go meet real people and try to have real relationships.[/QUOTE]
I agree, of course, [MENTION=21084]Virge[/MENTION], with what you're saying, but our OP is actually trying to make that REAL meeting happen. It's the other guy who's stalling, no? Let's not be unfair to him. But waking up and smelling the coffee (or the rat) seems to be the solution.

I intentionally left that aspect of it alone. All we have been give to work with to form opinions on that is 50% or less of the entire narrative of something that doesn't really exist... I'm making a big wide sweeping effort to avoid leaping into "Adviceville" unless I see more than 50%. If the OP wants to invite the other guy here to post his side of this drama I bet the picture will be completely different. We'd most likely know why he's stalling.

I'm definitely not trying to be unfair to the OP. I just know from experiences in real life and even more so on line... anytime a person gives their side of relationship drama they almost always leave out 75% of it... The 50% from the other person's perspective and the 25% that paints themselves in an unfavorable light. Let's not be unfair to the people who are being talked about but not being equally fairly represented either.

I'm not saying that carrying on relationships through social media is automatically bad... My gosh, Jay and I were dependent on it daily from January 2007 to December 2014. The difference is we made it a point to physically be together 3 to 4 or 5 times a year. Social media became a tool for the relationship and not the only means of having one.

Speaking of smelling the coffee... I just opened a fresh bag of banana split coffee and brewed a MUG of it. The whole house smells like a sundae.

[LJay]

Ask his wife when he is free.