need help with a guy ive been speaking too

[JAS]

i started speaking to this guy on grindr last september on and off but over the last 6 months its been constant and got pretty serious to the point where we are both no longer on grindr like a proper relationship and not doing or seeing anyone else. however over these 6 months we still havent actually met face to face, i feel like i love him and he knows that and he feels the same. but whenever it comes down to meeting him something always comes up on his end, at first it was okay because it was family issues which i wont get into but its been ages now and im fed up with this relationship with my phone. i mean i love him, is it too much to just get a real cuddle from him?! he says he really needs to meet me too but again its always on his part that we dont. i know he isnt catfishing me as we have snapchatted. but i just dont know what to do anymore i dont really want to lose him and i keep telling him that i need to see him! but how do i know when to just give up :/ i keep setting myself deadlines but breaking them when he says he will definitely see me but he just hasnt, and today im just finding myself not knowing what to do :/ why cant he just see me

[TwisttheLeaf]

You will get a lot of people on this forum who are going to tell you that you can't fall in love over text messages/the computer/the phone, etc. But considering I did it, that my partner [MENTION=20938]Gideon[/MENTION] did it with me..... I can attest that you can. (Gideon and I have been together for over 7 years now, btw)

There's commonly 2 reasons why this behavior presents. 1) Nerves and 2) he's hiding something.

Maybe the face to face meeting is too big of a step for him? Have you tried proposing something like skype or facetime first? Maybe they would help to bolster his confidence to get him ready for a face to face.

If it's the second reason, then you're going to have to figure out what he's hiding. Is he married? Is he in the closet? Is he happily single and doesn't really want that to change? Is he 2 feet tall? Etc. Something, yeah? Something that's holding him back.

[JAS]

thank you, yeah ive tried suggesting skype but again something always comes up.. he says he's out and i have been asking him if theres anything he isnt telling me etc but he says there isnt :/

[MikeW]

... today im just finding myself not knowing what to do :/ why cant he just see me

Sometimes I have a hard time understanding OPs like this. Yeah, why can't you meet the guy? I mean, why are you leaving it up to him? Find out where he lives and just show up on his doorstep. (Be prepared for some sort of shock as @Twistedleaf is suggesting. Who knows what, if anything, he's hiding from you.)

Sometimes, too, you just have to insist on something. Tell him: "Either you meet me at such and so place at such and so time or this is over. No excuses." Whatever, however, you just stop letting some guy string you along.

[Anocxu]

Ask him flat out...

* Hey., is there a reason our commitments keep falling through the cracks?

*Are you nervous about moving forward with me?

* I get very excited when we are about to meet and extremely disappointed when you cancel.

Tell us what his responses are so we can conclude if he's b.s-ing you..

[Cuddly]

Is he out?

[osidebud]

Great advice. Don't be afraid to ask the hard questions. I he cares about you, he will not be offended. Good luck.

[Rareboy]

You have to tell him that you are coming to see him.

You need to know that there are many people out there who are perfectly happy having a pen pal relationship......emotional and physical masturbation is quite enough for them.

You may have just run across one of these guys.

Or you may have run into someone who has two or three guys on the hook all at the same time and can't afford to commit to one over the other.

In any event, a one sided 'relationship' is no relationship at all. It is a pen pal friendship at this point. Nothing more. And nothing less.

[Pacific]

He needs to make time, even if it means taking a vacation day from work to do so. Six months is longtime and if you feel you're in love, it needs to happen. The initial face-to-face meeting is important--what if you meet and he is a very different person than the one you fell for via online communication? You would have wasted time and energy that could be spent elsewhere.

[Virge]

For the convenience of other GS members I'm including the link to the identical thread you posted with a different title so they can do their answers in duplicate as well.
https://gayspeak.com/showthread.php?p=578923#post578923


I avoided replying yesterday because I wanted to give other a chance before I did. I keep hoping others will start stepping in on threads like this to talk about the 2,000 pound gorilla staring out of the OP and not always leave it up to me to do it.

1 year of chatting on grindr or any social media without ever meeting face to face does not come close to something known in the real world as a proper relationship even though the two of you may not be seeing anyone else. There could be other reasons neither of you aren't seeing others... like both of you constantly sitting at home and not doing anything but 'living' virtual lives online. There's nothing real or proper about it. It's a cyber fantasy, a virtual relationship that only exists 'in the cloud' and any resemblance it has to your real life is only coincidental.

Get off your computer. Get out of this fantasy world and go meet real people and try to have real relationships.