Open Relationships (feeling really insecure)

[Cobalt]

Okay...apparently large chunks of your first post weren't clear or even true. Add on to that that things seem to have done a miraculous 180 from your first post to your second. In your first post you mentioned your partner seems to want to be doing things "outside of your relationship" or without you. In your second post, he totally wants you involved in everything he does. Either you didn't explain that well enough or things have changed.

When you use words like "scared" "insecure" and saying he has "moved in the opposite direction" of what you want this all paints a picture of a relationship that is not doing well. I and others encouraged you to end the relationship based off of:
A) What you told us
B) How you described things
C) How you felt
You apparently weren't clear with your original post or you yourself misunderstood the situation. Maybe you were just confused yourself at the time you did your post. The way your first post was a giant and hard to read wall of text makes this possibility that much more believable.

Either way, none of this matters. It seems like you're getting what you wanted out of your relationship. Congratulations.

[Anocxu]

You were very clear in your opening post...

This is the reason EVERYONE that posted gave a post that was an extension of the next...
"Cohesively"

Are you saying ..because you had a great time with your boyfriend this weekend .. all the issues in your opening post have been solved.?

Did you two actually discuss them?

Were you projecting a moment of extreme frustration in your opening post .?

You did lay out issues that you/we all considered to be deal breakers...

No I'm not being a dick..

[East]

Maybe you aren't communicating effectively...it happens to everyone sometimes...because what I got out of the post was complete chaos.....and in my context of relationships....I would advise moving on because that amount of chaos and miscommunication would be a deal breaker for me....

The thing about advice though...when you ask for it.....you take what you can use...or take what you need..and throw the rest away...

...and since you are happy again..obviously you can ignore the advice...though to be fair..you said yourself you had moved on at one point and figured it was over so it isn't as if this idea is foreign to you.

Next month will be 30 years I have been with my lover...and there has been very little drama. If there was alot of drama..we wouldn't have made it this far...I can't handle too much drama. Also..if my partner wanted an open relationship....I most likely would have moved on....not my thing. I know it works for alot of people...but I would not have been open to it myself.

BUT...that is my life...and my choices. You have your own to make...and you can choose anything you like.,...so if this is working for you...rock it.

[Steve]

The thing about advice though...when you ask for it.....you take what you can use...or take what you need..and throw the rest away...

Well said. This should be in bold face under the Need Your Advice forum heading. Leave it to East to get right down to brass tacks.

All anyone is saying Igankaru is that it didn't seem like you and your boyfriend had a solid, or stable, relationship based upon your description. Don't take it badly sweetness, not everyone can write cohesively about a complex relationship, let alone match it to a time frame and also accurately describe your feelings.

I know that first post you made sounds perfectly straight forward when you read it, but you have to remember that you're already familiar with the story. When members here read your post we saw an on again/off again relationship between two people who were waffling not only about having an open relationship, but who also seemed unsure of the relationship itself. What I read from the reply posts (and I agree) is that most people were questioning why you would even consider the idea of an open relationship when it sounded like your primary relationship wasn't on solid ground.

In any case I'm glad you resolved your insecurities. Years of experience have taught me that honest communication is the surest base for a relationship. With regard to open relationships I can tell you that both honesty and trust are paramount in terms of success or failure. This is especially true when, as it seems, you aren't both living together (let alone in the same city).

Best of Luck.
xx

[Igankaru]

Yeah, it was pretty difficult to describe 3 years worth of relationship in a single post, and I did write it in a moment of frustration and confusion. However, I still believe that y'all's advice was extreme and self righteous. My first post was already way too long and I understood that. I didn't have time to mention all of the good things in the relationship including that we had several months apart to think things through before we got back together and that we were usually good at communicating. We were never "on again" "off again." Ultimately I'm pretty disappointed in the advice given, especially when I indicated I was in love. I've had much better luck asking for advice in other forums like askgaybros on reddit.

[Igankaru]

You were very clear in your opening post...

This is the reason EVERYONE that posted gave a post that was an extension of the next...
"Cohesively"

Are you saying ..because you had a great time with your boyfriend this weekend .. all the issues in your opening post have been solved.?

Did you two actually discuss them?

Were you projecting a moment of extreme frustration in your opening post .?

You did lay out issues that you/we all considered to be deal breakers...

No I'm not being a dick..

Yeah, you are. You assumed the absolute worst of me and my partner. I never indicated that either of us ever pressured or expected anything from the othe person. We merely expressed different desires at different times. A desire is not a need. Open relationships are a big deal so it makes sense that a change in opinion would be difficult for me to process. That does not mean I thrive on chaos or that my partner and I never communicate. Of course we have been having a helpful ongoing dialogue about our needs and desires. Please don't be such a self-righteous prick.

[Anocxu]

Yeah, you are. You assumed the absolute worst of me and my partner. I never indicated that either of us ever pressured or expected anything from the othe person. We merely expressed different desires at different times. A desire is not a need. Open relationships are a big deal so it makes sense that a change in opinion would be difficult for me to process. That does not mean I thrive on chaos or that my partner and I never communicate. Of course we have been having a helpful ongoing dialogue about our needs and desires. Please don't be such a self-righteous prick.

You posted it..
We read it and responded..

I did not make a single judgement call regarding you or your boyfriend's character...

I don't know you..
You don't know me.
There was not an ounce of disrespect in my post..

We all made posts for your best interest..

My self righteous dick-ish post would read..

You embellished the status of your relationship in your opening post to get attention..

We all called you on your bull shit..

Yeah you cried wolf..
Instead of manning up and admitting you were intentionally misleading ..

You're daft enough to try to convince EVERYONE in this forum that we are a bunch of fools..

^^^^
I said what everyone else was thinking..

Yeah ..
I just blocked you..

[East]

Yeah, it was pretty difficult to describe 3 years worth of relationship in a single post, and I did write it in a moment of frustration and confusion. However, I still believe that y'all's advice was extreme and self righteous. My first post was already way too long and I understood that. I didn't have time to mention all of the good things in the relationship including that we had several months apart to think things through before we got back together and that we were usually good at communicating. We were never "on again" "off again." Ultimately I'm pretty disappointed in the advice given, especially when I indicated I was in love. I've had much better luck asking for advice in other forums like askgaybros on reddit.

I wish you luck then. It is OK to not like any of the advice....

I said what I meant to say....that's all I got...

Again..I hope it works out for you.

[East]

You posted it..
We read it and responded..

I did not make a single judgement call regarding you or your boyfriend's character...

I don't know you..
You don't know me.
There was not an ounce of disrespect in my post..

We all made posts for your best interest..

My self righteous dick-ish post would read..

You embellished the status of your relationship in your opening post to get attention..

We all called you on your bull shit..

Yeah you cried wolf..
Instead of manning up and admitting you were intentionally misleading ..

You're daft enough to try to convince EVERYONE in this forum that we are a bunch of fools..

^^^^
I said what everyone else was thinking..

Yeah ..
I just blocked you..

pssst...I think he was advertising the other site.....

[Cuddly]

Honestly, it appears you're quite the dramaqueen.

When you paint a clear picture that you and your partner want different things and fight all the time, the first thing that comes to mind is that the relationship will only get worse and thus should be ended.
We're all readers and posters. We understand that not everything can be covered by posts, but we cannot read what isn't written.

I love a bit of drama, but fuck me it must be hard to have one or more of those in a relationship. They gave sound advice. Being in love is great, but if you're incompatible then it will not work in the long run. Then after years or a decade you'll find out and be angry you wasted so much time on a fruitless relationship.