Admittedly my view of bisexuality is simplistic. I've pretty much considered sexuality in terms of the spectrum between black and white. Not fifty shades of gray, that's a completely different subject. My thought is that absolute white and absolute black are thin extremes on either side of spectrum. The vast majority of the spectrum lay between the two.
In other words, I believe more people's sexuality lay somewhere between the two extremes than just the hard labels of gay and straight suggest.
Jettalove Wrote:I've heard so many people say that men can't be bisexual - that they are always actually gay and lying to themselves. Wtf?...
...I can't stand when people project their own feelings onto a situation without being able to see it for what it truthfully is for someone else.
Well said Jettalove.
This ^^^^ is the most common line of thought I've heard and its the one that seems to cause most of the ugliness on chat boards and in discussion groups. I have a suspicion about this type of thought.
For many of us who realized early on that there was no choice about being gay, it became too easy to be skeptical of those who claimed bisexuality. Fueled by all the discrimination, hate, and hell gay men were put through (still often are) because we never had a choice about our sexuality and paid very dearly for being honest, many gay people thought the men (and women) who declared themselves bisexual were "copping out" and "just didn't want to admit the truth." Many gay people who had met hate head on for being honest felt cheated somehow that bisexuals had a sort of free pass around the worst of the discrimination.
Whenever bisexuality came up in a forum, or a discussion, ugliness ensued. Many gay men, mad that these bisexuals "couldn't be honest with themselves" and/or were "too afraid to come out of the closet", couldn't conceive that there could be any middle ground.
There's a time period aspect of this theory as well including why it wasn't advantageous for gay people to include bisexuality in the conversation at the beginning of the gay liberation movement because it lent to the idea that being gay was a choice, but I'm not going to get into all that. That was then, this is now.
TigerLover Wrote:Well on the one hand I do sort of understand that. There is social pressure for me to get with a girl and give my parents grandkids the old fashioned way. And i'm certainly not looking forward to that conversation where i tell my catholic dad that I'm "choosing" to settle down with a dude.
On the other hand if I ever lose a boyfriend to this sort of thinking I am going to go nuts. Plus if a gay man loses his committed Bi boyfriend to social pressure then they're really dodging a bullet since their BF is clearly a complete pussy anyway. Though I suppose the reverse is true if someone leaves me because of this hogwash i'm probably better off without them.
Finally! Sorry it took me so long to get here TigerLover.
Regarding your original question, as everyone has posted, there is still stigma attached to being bisexual, especially by many gay men. My strong suspicion is that "John" probably has an opinion similar to those gay people that I mention in response to Jettalove's post (directly above). He's another one of those gay guys who can't believe that anyone could have a choice between sexual desires because he never did. My reasoning that he's bigoted toward bisexuals stems from the frost in the conversation that didn't start until you mentioned that you were bisexual. If nothing else sticks out in your memory of the evening, the affirmation of your bisexuality can be the only cause.
As for the difficult conversation with your catholic parents about choosing to make your life with a male partner I would point out that bisexual people don't really often have a choice about who they fall in love with. Sure, you can have sex with both men and women (and those still somewhere in the balance), but you probably won't get much of a choice when it finally comes down to brass tacks love. Could your parents want you to ignore your sexual nature? Sure, they could do that. But it wouldn't be fair to you. They would be thinking more of their own happiness than yours. And they wouldn't be respectful of you and the whole journey you've taken to figure out your sexuality. It's probably going to be a difficult conversation in any case, but I thought it was worth remembering that there aren't many of us who have a choice when love arrow pierces.
As for losing a boyfriend due to some societal pressure, you're right, as painful as it might be you're better off without someone who can't stand at your side when the going gets tough. And believe me when I tell you eventually the going always gets tough somewhere along the road.
Aries
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