Well tonight was awkward

[TigerLover]

This post is a bit ranty but there's a question at the end. If you want just skip down there.

So I went out tonight with an old friend from my apprenticeship and couple of guys I didn't know. One of whom happened to be gay, let's call him John.

We did the whole "so what have you been up to" discussion. I mentioned my boyfriend.

We were getting along well, two happy history nerds arguing with each other. Connor interrupted us by asking me whether a girl from the apprenticeship course was still "as fit as fuck". I said yes, John laughed and joked "how would you know" I just casually told him that I was bisexual.

The cavalry argument we were having became one-sided and just petered out. Then after that he basically shut down and ignored me for the entire night. He wasn't even subtle about it, it was really awkward.

I've been raking over the night in my mind and I just can't think of any reason for the cold shoulder. As pathetic as it sounds I thought I'd made a friend tonight, not just a friend but a gay, history nerd friend. Instead I got a whole heaping load of disrespect out of nowhere. :confused:

Is there any stigma against bisexuals in the gay community. If so do you think this is likely to happen again?

If not does anyone have any guesses as to what his problem is, it's really bugging me. :mad:

[CellarDweller]

It wouldn't surprise me to find that some gay people don't want to associate with bisexuals.

I have a book called "Husband Hunting Made Easy" and one chapter is "say bye-bye to bisexuals"

The author goes on to say that he knows it's politically incorrect, but don't date bisexuals when looking for a husband, because they may leave for someone of the opposite sex, and there isn't anything you can do about it.

[East]

OMG...the stigma about bisexuals is insane for some reason....

I still haven't figured it out completely...probably never will. I had sex with tons of bisexual men and I was kinda glad about it...especially when they basically liked women emotionally and men sexually...they were my favorites... because it meant NO STRINGS sex for me. I know that a lot of bisexuals have differing degrees of what they like in one or both of the sexes...like everything else in life...but for some reason..alot of gay men have a fit about bisexuals...it gets very ugly.....

I never noticed it at all until I was on this one gay board on the Internet. I don't remember it ever being an issue in the gay bar I worked at...or at least if it was.....no one mentioned it.

Before I decided to just ignore all the hate..I tried to understand where it was coming from. The best guess I have...a lot of gay men think the bisexual man is "lying"...so he can have sex with men and play straight at the same time...and they resent that,....

BUT..they are kind outing themselves when they have that objection because basically they are saying they feel like second class citizens....

Not me...I have never felt like a second class citizen...so I think maybe I don't care what anyone wants to call themselves.

Just my theory..not sure if it is the definitive reason or not. I am sorry that guy did that to you..it sucks when that happens...

[Camfer]

It's possible that the distance was due to the history argument and had nothing to do with your sexuality. I'd try checking in with your old friend to get his perspective.

[Anocxu]

Call him up, or invite him to another dinner, iron it out.
It could be one of fifty reasons plus his immaturity.

Were you guys having cocktails?
Friendly arguments seem to take a quick turn for the worse if alcohol is involved..

[TwisttheLeaf]

Is there any stigma against bisexuals in the gay community. If so do you think this is likely to happen again?

Oh hell yeah there is. BIG time. It's bullshit, but it's still there.

for some reason..alot of gay men have a fit about bisexuals...it gets very ugly.....

a lot of gay men think the bisexual man is "lying"...so he can have sex with men and play straight at the same time...and they resent that,....

There's the stigma/issues that [MENTION=18508]East[/MENTION] mentions.

There's also those that believe that bi men will eventually either dump them for a chick, or cheat on them with a chick. Probably because some dumbass somewhere in history said "I'm bi, and can't settle down with just one gender. I need both." Probably on the Jerry Springer show by some middle school dropout piece of trash fucking half the trailer park they live in. And in that instant, a stigma that isn't even true formed and spread like wild fire.

He's right about it turning ugly on some boards online as well. One in particular, it was so ugly that I decided it wasn't the place for me, and the ugliness wasn't even directed my way, nor was I involved in the situation. It was just..... -that- ugly.

[meridannight]

The author goes on to say that he knows it's politically incorrect, but don't date bisexuals when looking for a husband, because they may leave for someone of the opposite sex, and there isn't anything you can do about it.

i suppose they missed the fact that he can also leave you for someone of the same sex....

[Jettalove]

I've heard so many people say that men can't be bisexual - that they are always actually gay and lying to themselves. Wtf? Even Dan Savage has said this. I've thought about calling in and asking him to defend this.

I can't stand when people project their own feelings onto a situation without being able to see it for what it truthfully is for someone else.

[TigerLover]

Were you guys having cocktails?
Friendly arguments seem to take a quick turn for the worse if alcohol is involved..

Nah we all work in I.T so it was a real nerds night out, just Pizza hut and pepsi max .

[TigerLover]

There's also those that believe that bi men will eventually either dump them for a chick, or cheat on them with a chick. Probably because some dumbass somewhere in history said "I'm bi, and can't settle down with just one gender. I need both." Probably on the Jerry Springer show by some middle school dropout piece of trash fucking half the trailer park they live in. And in that instant, a stigma that isn't even true formed and spread like wild fire.

Geez now i'm mad at a fictional redneck you just made up. And man that is such bullshit it's not like each ball is assigned a specific gender.