Porn

[Anocxu]

I can never get to that place., My fingers would be crossed for his victims..the countless number of people living in fear that he helped perpetuate....

..and even if I forgave him that. since consenting adults do listen to his crap..I will never forgive him for helping gay teems think they are worthless and taking their own lives...people like him and his ilk have alot of blood on their hands....or for instilling his disease and hatred into young minds that have no defense....he is the human face of the devil in my mind....

I understand that...
I guess he's living his hell right now huh?
Everyone knows who and what he is.

As for your comment on those tragic suicides and suicide attempts.
I am still angry and conflicted.
I was upset with the parents, I was upset with him..then I saw the HBO documentary about him.
I saw the interviews.
I mean within the first 10 minutes I knew He was of unstable mind.

Familiar ?

http://www.armchairgeneral.com/forums/sh...hp?t=60915

[Cobalt]

Thanks for the responses everyone. I left out a few details in my first post: My partner and I weren't really having an argument about porn or anything, just a discussion and it wasn't even about us. We were talking about a mutual friend of ours who was in a bad relationship (both of them have issues). One partner was constantly watching porn and cheating on the other, my partner came from the mindset that this excessive porn watching was made him out to be a cheater, I told him that isn't always the case (see first post for the discussion that followed).

I think his problem is being raised in the deep religious south and being around strong christians for all of his life. His viewpoint of porn is, in my opinion, tainted. To me porn is well, porn. It's something that launches a fantasy for people and they get into it. For myself when I didn't live with my partner I would watch porn when we were separated. (Too much information following warning: ) I would bring up a picture of him at the end though because he was the person I wanted to see when I got all my fuzzy feelings and was about to finish up. Did I ever think about cheating on him during the times I would be looking up dirty movies? No, if anything I envisioned him in a lot in the scenarios I saw.

So...in short it did make me think what others thought of the topic. So keep them coming (the opinions...) please.

[Anocxu]

Cobalt..
I found a study a few years ago ..
Porn companies , sites and hubs all over the US shared traffic statistics from IP addresses ...

Collectively.. the deeper south held first place.

Now just to be clear this was info a few years ago..
Let me hunt down the links.

http://www.buzzfeed.com/ryanhatesthis/ac....kyA0p2Gjm


http://wtvr.com/2014/03/13/bible-belt-st...tats-show/

http://mobi.perezhilton.com/2014-03-13-p...dpnsVDD9Ag

http://abcnews.go.com/Technology/Busines...id=6977202

[MikeW]

I think everyone on the planet should work on not worrying if their mate wanders or not...make it a non issue....and I am NOT talking about "open relationships"....

Don't ever demand anyone be faithful to you. Instead...demand honesty....

I think that is why I hate the institution of marriage...the house of lies ....and the bullshit people are forced to commit to....

I agree. Totally.

I hate the word "cheating". Cheating is what happens when you're playing a game and someone works around the rules. A relationship is not a fucking game! A relationship is freely given commitment of caring, loving, honest communication with another human being. You're in it because you want to be in it. It doesn't matter SQUAT who you kiss, jerk off, lick, suck or fuck to or with. That's a totally other subject.

Emotional commitment isn't something I say; it isn't something bound up in a legal document; it is something I either feel and do or don't feel and don't do. No one can demand it of me and I can't demand it of anyone else. If I love someone, truly love them, then I want them to be happy -- I WANT THEM TO BE FREE TO ENJOY THEMSELVES. I don't want them to feel like they have to cut off some part of themselves in order to meet some nonsense ethical standard or to spare my feelings (which are really my problem, anyway).

The real problem is so many people have no idea what it means to truly love someone. If you do, you may very well NOT want to have sex with anyone else. FINE! But that has nothing to do with cheating or not cheating. It has to do with the way you feel inside, what you want for yourself.

NOW... either your partner feels the same way or he doesn't. If he does, great! If he doesn't, well, you either learn to live with it (perhaps even enjoy it!) or you move on. If you're moving on because of sexual indiscretions alone I seriously question whether you truly love the guy at all.

I don't know why this irritates me so much but it does. To me all this talk about "cheating" is just insipidly romantic heteronormative horse shit.

[jimcrackcorn]

Anyone who watches porn is a slutty two-bit Alley Cat !!! Just kidding (smile)..


Back in the 70's,,,, my hubby and I bought a 8mm Hewlett Packard projector and immediately went to the closest dirty-book-store to buy some gay porn. I think we still have those old 8mm movies buried in the corner of a closet somewhere in this house. Yep,, we watched porn together and sometimes by our selves when one of us had duty and had to stay on the ship (we're both retired sailors).

Back then, most of those dirty-book-stores catered mainly to straight people,,, but had a small section in the back where they carried gay porn . I remember always feeling a little embarrassed at the check-out counter when I laid my gay porn on the counter (I was young).

The good news is watching porn didn't affect our relationship in a negative manner. We enjoyed it for what it was.

It's OK to watch porn.
It's OK to make a mistake or two while in a monogamous relationship.
It's even OK to forgive yourself or your partner for making mistakes.

[meridannight]

porn is okay in a relationship. unless your partner is more interested in porn than you, there's no problem watching it every now and then, whether alone or together.

We were talking about a mutual friend of ours who was in a bad relationship (both of them have issues). One partner was constantly watching porn and cheating on the other, my partner came from the mindset that this excessive porn watching was made him out to be a cheater, I told him that isn't always the case (see first post for the discussion that followed).

it is a fair chance that a guy who constantly cheats on his partner also watches porn on the side. there's nothing surprising about that, and one thing is not really the cause for the other. rather, both are expressions of the same underlying thing.

[meridannight]

Worrying about what your partner "might do"...or who he is looking at..what he fantasizes about...who he wants to fuck...such a complete colossal waste of time....and chances are you are projecting your own bullshit on him anyway...

Trying to control someone else that way...it will diminish who YOU are over time...and I can't imagine someone really loving themselves if they engage in that crap...and learning to love yourself might be the most important thing you ever do in life.

i totally agree with this, East. it is my opinion, that it is not within my right to expect or ask a guy to give up other men when he's with me. it is within his right to want to meet other guys, and it is within my right to determine whether that is acceptable to me (with different guys it's slightly different what it amounts to that they want others on the side). that's the way i see it. i prefer monogamy, but i can also understand occasional experimenting with other guys. i'd want to know is all.

[Cobalt]

Thanks for the continued opinions everyone.
Meridannight, how you feel about about one guy's watching way too much porn and the same guy being a cheater is how I feel. I don't feel like watching porn = future cheater. I knew it was a problem when my partner was telling me our friend's boyfriend would choose porn over sex with his boyfriend. That to me is what set off all the alarms. If I was so bored or unattracted to my partner that I would rather watch porn than have sex with him, that's a massive problem. Either we need to talk or need to go our separate ways.

My partner and I also have a strictly monogamous relationship. We take the mindset that accidents can happen (hopefully they never do) but intentionally going around to wander is very much off the table. I think he got my his fear of porn from being cheated on various times in the past. So in his mind (he's never stated this so I'm going on only what I think he could be thinking): being interested sexually in someone else means you're going to sleep with them (again I'm probably way off but I'm assuming that's where he thinks things could lead). I'm working with him to heal those wounds and also teach him that an interest in other men, does not mean a sexual affair is bound to happen.

But, anyway, this topic really isn't supposed to be about me too much. I'm just curious what the general consensus is. I like the different approaches and opinions everyone is contributing. And, Anocxu, thanks for those links about the statistics. Stuff like that is really good for this topic.

[wayward]

I can never get to that place., My fingers would be crossed for his victims..the countless number of people living in fear that he helped perpetuate....

..and even if I forgave him that....since consenting adults do listen to his crap because they choose to.....I will never forgive him for helping gay teens think they are worthless and taking their own lives...people like him and his ilk have alot of blood on their hands....or for instilling his disease and hatred into young minds that have no defense....he is the human face of the devil in my mind....

All faces are faces of evil when viewed from the right shadow.

[buckrum]

I'm actually going through this with my own boyfriend. We've been together almost 2 years and I know he likes to jerk off but I've discovered lately, say over the past 8-9months, that he seems to be more interested in masturbating than having sex with me. I'm all about people having their space and pleasuring themselves, hell I do it, but it's gotten to the point that when I take the initiative in having sex i'm rebuffed ("too tired" "o my back hurts," etc.). There was a week when I lived with him (long story) and out of curiosity I went on his computer to see what type of porn he liked to watch, thinking I could up my game with him in the sex dept. And, yes, I checked out his internet history (bad I know but curiosity turned into wanting to get some answers -- was I not satisfying him sexually, was he not attracted to me physically anymore?). Well, turns out that almost every single time he wasn't in the mood to have sex with me he ended up logging on to a porn site (sometimes within minutes of me leaving) ... and spending about 2-3 hours watching vids. And this was going on just about every other day. In fact, the whole week i was staying with him we didn't have sex once ... and not for lack of trying on my part. Now, I'm just assuming that he's jerking off because, really, who looks at porn for 2 hours and doesn't relieve himself, right?

I did confront him about this (and yeah he wasn't too happy about the snooping) but I told him I felt very confused and hurt that he'd rather jerk off that have sex with me. He went into all sorts of explanations and justifications (we have different schedules, we both have physically demanding jobs, etc.) and I totally get that, but in the end I feel that he's more in tuned to his own self-pleasure and that he has too many barriers up in order to be truly intimate with me, his boyfriend. "I'm just not into having sex all the time," he told me.

So i'm at the point at which I have no idea how to proceed. There are other issues in our relationship that I've struggled with and this, unfortunately, confirms my feeling that he's a bit narcissistic and self-involved to really be in a relationship. When I told him that I was unhappy with the way things were going with our lack of sex and how this was troubling to our relationship he replied that he didn't feel there was anything wrong with it and that he'd been pretty happy with our relationship. I almost fell out of my chair with that one.

Sorry for being long-winded and I hope this reply isn't seen as a hijacking of the topic. Like I said, i'm fine with a jerk here and a jerk there when we are separated or when you get an urge you have to itch. I'm just not fine with the fact that through his actions he seems he would rather have sex by himself than with me. I'm still trying to wrap my head around it but ultimately it feels like my feelings and my needs are not being taken into account along with his. So that's my perspective. BTW, any advice/wisdom would be appreciated!