Apparently I'm "too picky"

[subdivisions]

We all have a list of things we desperately want or even need in others. I've had others tell me I'm too picky.

I already posted threads about looks, so this will not be about that. This is personality stuff.

I love cats. But I'm in a world where the majority are dog-lovers... and dog-lovers tend to be vicious cat-haters. They say horrible things about cats and the people who like them. Which is weird, considering most of us cat people are fine with dogs. Only a few I've met hate them.

So I want a guy who loves cats like I do. Or at least likes them or doesn't mind them. So many guys on these dating sites hate cats. They say it in their profiles. It's really sad for me. I mean the general population has a dog lean. But I didn't realize it'd be this hard. Both my ex's (well, the ones I knew in real life) loves cats. They had dogs, but had cats in the past and loved both equally. I guess I got lucky with both of them. =\ Looks like I'll never get that lucky again.

Another thing about me which nobody accepts... I don't do drugs or drink. Everyone sees me as an inferior faggoty pussy basically. And people have told me that. When a guy shows interest, and he brings up weed, and finds out I don't do it... in comes him constantly begging me to try it. "No" isn't an acceptable answer.

Honestly, it bothers me to be around drunk people often. Especially as the only sober person in the room. My mom was an alcoholic. It got to the point where we started not having dinner because she'd stop cooking. I would have tried to cook but she'd go weeks without food shopping because she was too drunk. I was too young to drive or work and there's no public transit where I lived. And then a few years ago I thought things were getting better but took a turn for the worst. One night I found her on the bottom of the basement stairs. There was blood on the stairs. She got so drunk she fell down them. She had to go to the hospital and then rehab. Stuff like this can be damaging to others and people don't realize this.

So yeah, finding a guy who doesn't drink or do drugs... impossible. Literally. Except my first ex but there's good reasons I'm not with him. I mean really good reasons.

Apparently, the two things above make me some horrible superficial person. I'm too picky. For wanting two fucking things. Two simple things that nobody has but me. Hmm.

I mean, there's more than that too I suppose. But the other things are a bit more common. Or I don't care as much.

I'm in a long-distance online relationship right now. I have to be, no decent local guys want to date me. Anyway, the only problem I have with this guy is that he gets drunk somewhat often lately. =\ He's European though, I know they like to do that. Not that Americans don't, but, they do even more.

Honestly this makes me think I'll be single and miserable for the rest of my life. It wouldn't be bad if I liked myself, liked the rest of my life, liked other people as friends. But I don't. I have none of that. I don't see a point in living if I can't get along with anyone.

[RawPower]

Sooo where is the part where you list the picky stuff? Lol all I read was cats, alcohol, and drugs, seems to me like you're not picky enough! That shouldn't be hard to find, good luck!

[Camfer]

If you avoid addicted veterinarians, you should be okay. You gotta draw the line somewhere.

[VirgoMasquerade]

Fuck what other people have to say about you and your life. And that's fine that you don't get into drugs or liquor. I think sometimes people forget that just because a person is good to you doesn't mean they're good for you. You just keep on being you and staying true to yourself, One day you will find that guy your looking for

[LONDONER]

Sooo where is the part where you list the picky stuff? Lol all I read was cats, alcohol, and drugs, seems to me like you're not picky enough! That shouldn't be hard to find, good luck!

Ditto to that. I think that I'm far more picky than you. Just because a guy likes cats, doesn't drink and doesn't do drugs (just like me) doesn't mean that he's going to be the right guy for you. Don't give up so easily.

[LJay]

Are you making a list of qualifications or are you looking for people you like? Friends are not made by filling out checklists. You might do well to think about tolerance. How do you deal with people you meet at a party who do not necessarily act the way you want them to? One way is to avoid drawing lines in the sand and presenting arms.

As for your feelings and battles related to alcohol, try to remember that the people around you do not always know your background. Most of them are simply trying to relate in the way that people of your age do. It is certainly rude to insist that someone drink when they do not want to but many people never learn that. The same goes for drugs. In either situation you do not have to if you do not want to. Just politely distance yourself. It is not always easy, but you should not make an issue of it. Relax. There is more to life than confrontations about not liking things.

[Jettalove]

So, I'm thinking you might be looking at this backwards.
Forget about your qualifications/need-to-haves. Once you fall in love, and he loves you back, neither of you is going to care much about these things (well, addiction or major lifestyle could be an issue- but you probably wouldn't get to know someone that far away from you in that respect enough to fall in love anyhow).
If you're in love, you're not going to give a shit about whether or not he likes cats. You'll likely laugh about it. And, he'll love you enough that he will learn to live with your cats. And you'll tolerate his dog. Love does that.

[RawPower]

So, I'm thinking you might be looking at this backwards.
Forget about your qualifications/need-to-haves. Once you fall in love, and he loves you back, neither of you is going to care much about these things (well, addiction or major lifestyle could be an issue- but you probably wouldn't get to know someone that far away from you in that respect enough to fall in love anyhow).
If you're in love, you're not going to give a shit about whether or not he likes cats. You'll likely laugh about it. And, he'll love you enough that he will learn to live with your cats. And you'll tolerate his dog. Love does that.

I second this, I always wanted a cat, fell in love with someone who hates them still to this day. But we're in love and made an agreement. If we move to New York, a place where I dont want to be, then I get my cat! Neither of us do drugs, except I drink a few times a year with my family, he thinks it's funny. But anyways the cat thing, dont let that be a deal breaker.

[jimcrackcorn]

I agree with Jettalove.

When two people fall in love with each other, they do whatever they can to make the relationship work. This includes compromising...........

According to Gay And Lesbian Times, 66 percent of LGBT folks owned pets - compared 63 percent of the heterosexual population.

It is estimated that between 20 percent to 30 percent of gay and transgender people abuse substances, compared to about 9 percent of the general population.

It would seem there is a sizable dating pool of gay men who like pets and don't abuse drugs or alcohol. The trick is to find these great guys, which means you need to expand your hunting grounds to include activities where these duds will most likely be. I would start by volunteering at your local Humane Society where you will find other people who like cats & dogs. You may even get a job at a local Pet Shop where you will meet lots of gay men who love their pets. There are even Cat Shelters that might provide a promising opportunity of snatching a mate.

In my experience, most gay men who own a pet,,, are less likely to abuse drugs or alcohol. This doesn't mean that they abstain from them completely, it just means they are more likely to be social drinkers or Marijuana users who smoke a joint infrequently.

Happy Hunting,
Jim

[East]

Fuck...I am needle in a haystack picky about men.....and I still managed to end up with one even though I wasn't looking and never have actually had the thought that I even wanted a relationship. I am one of those guys who loved being alone..going out to eat alone..dancing by myself in a huge club..alone...

...and if you heard my list...it would make your hair curl LOL.....but I don't think this is even about men or compatibility....

For instance....I can't stand to be with any man who puts other people down for their looks or their clothes or their hair.....I turn cold as ice immediately and I am done with them...wouldn't even want to have sex with them....try finding a gay man who passes THAT test...and that's just the first one.....

I think you would benefit from going to an al anon meeting....and understand the extent of the damage done to you....it might help clear a path for you. Your mother has had an impact on you in ways you may not even realize yet.