Ugh

[ShiftyNJ]

Hey remember me? haven't been around much lately. It has been a really nice summer here and I have been trying to take advantage of every minute being outside. I'll be back, moping around like Eeyore, when the snow flies.

This week the mother of my biggest and most embarrassing high-school crush died. She worked in our school office and was a very nice lady. I posted the news on our alumni FB group and talked to some friends (whom I'm now out to and know I sweated her son back in the day).

I was going to go to the funeral, but I thought about it more and became more and more ambivalent about it. I for the most part closed the door on that part of my life many years ago, and haven't spoken to her (or him) since I graduated. It would b weird to randomly show up at something like this. And --while he was nice enough to me-- alot of his friends weren't. In the end I decided to leave well enough alone.

I was a little curious what he looks like now; my friend who still lives locally went to the wake and said he is bald with a gray goatee. I know he's married and has kids.

I don't know why I'm posting this... just feel weird about it, and it's been dogging me all week.

[TigerLover]

People change and over decades they change a lot. That kid that you knew is long gone and I think trying to reconcile that fact with the picture of him in your head is what causes these weird feelings.

You know that he's gone forever along with any opportunities he presented. But physically he's still there. It creates a disconnect and you wanna go talk to the boy he used to me not the man that he is.

....I think

[Bhp91126]

How come everybody's looking so old, while I still look the same?

While you think that part of your life is closed and dealt with, your memories and subconscious do not agree and send some unexpected feelings up. Unless there was some deep trauma that's been unresolved and which is still ruining your life today, I think the best way to deal with it is to busy yourself with something else. Or, do you think there is something to be gained from working through your unresolved teenage feelings with a therapist?

The less you ruminate about it, the earlier this goes away.

What are your plans for this weekend?

[Anocxu]

How come everybody's looking so old, while I still look the same?

Exqueeze me?
Ibekin powder? <--(I beg your pardon)

I have known you for over 6 years now .. ..

(You have aged quite beautifully by the way).. but don't exclude yourself from the pack..!!

Or I will sing like a canary..
About the Sombrero...
Should I keep going?

[Anocxu]

Oh by the way Shifty..

If you feel the need to engage positively
Do it!!
(Instead of wrestling with your conscience or judgement)

[ShiftyNJ]

People change and over decades they change a lot. That kid that you knew is long gone and I think trying to reconcile that fact with the picture of him in your head is what causes these weird feelings.

You know that he's gone forever along with any opportunities he presented. But physically he's still there. It creates a disconnect and you wanna go talk to the boy he used to me not the man that he is.

....I think

LOL maybe! Your guess is as good as mine. I think maybe part of it is curiosity about what he became, but also maybe wanting him to know what *I* became. But you know what? If he wanted to know, it wouldn't be hard for him to find out, and AFAIK, he hasn't tried. The more I thought about it--this wasn't the venue for something like that. It felt more respectful of her to stay away, if that was my real motivation for going.

[ShiftyNJ]

How come everybody's looking so old, while I still look the same?

While you think that part of your life is closed and dealt with, your memories and subconscious do not agree and send some unexpected feelings up. Unless there was some deep trauma that's been unresolved and which is still ruining your life today, I think the best way to deal with it is to busy yourself with something else. Or, do you think there is something to be gained from working through your unresolved teenage feelings with a therapist?

The less you ruminate about it, the earlier this goes away.

What are your plans for this weekend?

Well since I was contemplating being in that part of the state for the funeral, I have plans to meet my fraternity little brother and his wife for some paddleboarding on a lake, then meeting up with my dude at some other friends' house, in that same area, for dinner. Yes I was going to a funeral with my paddleboard on my truck. I would have skipped the cemetery procession, although that would have been funny on some level.

It doesn't cause trauma, really, but you are right that it dug some stuff up, just thinking about who I was then vs. now, and how people from that time might perceive "the new me"... but as I said in my previous comment above, I decided it was kind of disrespectful to go to a funeral if that was even part of your motivation for doing so.

I have a renewed focus on high school right now because I hung out with some of my classmates (this kid was a year behind us, although we are only 5 weeks apart in age) and we are starting to plan our reunion. I posted something in the "straight acting" thread just now which spells out more of what this has triggered.

[ShiftyNJ]

Exqueeze me?
Ibekin powder? <--(I beg your pardon)

I have known you for over 6 years now .. ..

(You have aged quite beautifully by the way).. but don't exclude yourself from the pack..!!

Or I will sing like a canary..
About the Sombrero...
Should I keep going?

Oooh there's a story there :-D

I have looked at some classmates and wondered what was going on... it does mess with your sense of timing when they look like the grandparents we're becoming and I still go to the gym and out clubbing (less frequently of late, but not dead yet!)

[Anocxu]

Oooh there's a story there :-D

I have looked at some classmates and wondered what was going on... it does mess with your sense of timing when they look like the grandparents we're becoming and I still go to the gym and out clubbing (less frequently of late, but not dead yet!)

Shifty ..
Are you saying that your Giant penis is the fountain of youth?

[ShiftyNJ]

Shifty ..
Are you saying that your Giant penis is the fountain of youth?

ROFL who blabbed?