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Any ideas so spice up sex?
#1
Hey everyone,

I’ve been with this guy for 8 months now, he’s my first boyfriend, and my first real relationship. I love him very much, we get along well and rarely argue. He doesn’t think he looks attractive, and most people probably won’t, but I’m extremely attracted to him, I can get hard by him simply touching my arm, and love every single part of his body. The attractiveness is definitely a one way thing. When it comes to sex he’s great on top, but he prefers to be on bottom. I enjoy it when he’s on top, but I always prefer to be on top, however when I am, it’s awful.

We’ve tried many positions in the bedroom, living room, parent’s house, elevator, etc. I bought toys, a cock ring, a jock strap, tried to suggest planning sex, nothing helps.
At first, when we were just beginning he wouldn’t tell me how bad it was, he would just lay there, like a sack of potatoes, emotionless, soundless. I would get so bored sometimes I’d get soft inside of him, and have to force myself to cum. He clearly didn’t enjoy it but always told me it was fine, and “that’s just how he is”.

Then finally after a few months when we started talking about it he just complained and complained, and I could never get it right. He told me I didn’t last long enough, ok, so I jack off the morning before. Now I last too long. Jack off a day before? Still too short or too long. He says I do it too slow, so I speed it up, too fast. He doesn’t like the position, so I change it, now I’m changing it too much. It took a serious toll on my sex related self-esteem and I just gave up for the most part, and just let him be on top every time just so it would be good for him. With most of the time I’d be faking like I’m enjoying it so it wouldn’t be awkward. I actually told him I faked it sometimes and he didn’t believe me (I must be that good).

Even blowjobs and hand-jobs are terrible, at first he used to take his time to satisfy me, and enjoyed watching my reactions, now he just rushes so much to get it over with I’d rather not have one.

Now it’s been over a month since I’ve been on top, and about two weeks for him, and he is silently refusing to top me until I top him. Am I doing something wrong? I’ve told him how I feel, tried understanding how he felt and what he wants, tried almost everything in the book, went out of my way to try and fit his needs, but it has never ever been right. I don’t have an issue with getting hard, and could easily have sex multiple times a day if it’s good. I suggested planning sex, nope. I suggested an open relationship, hell no.

Now he complains about me never wanting to have sex with him, we talk about it, but nothing ever lives past the conversation. Any ideas on what I can do now? I know I don’t want to end it, and would be fine if we both agreed on not doing it anymore, I’m tired of always doing it wrong. I’m just here looking for ideas for us to try.
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#2
Do you sleep together?

And I am not using sleep as a euphemism.
I bid NO Trump!
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#3
Since he wants to the be the bottom, Why not kink up his little bottom experience with a little bondage? Get a few leather resistance ( not the ugly pink ones get real leather) maybe even a blindfold and go wild! Make it last and really make him want it once his hehe hard
I am the angles that hold and surround you

I am the demon you're afraid to meet
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#4
Lay on your back and have him sit on it and ride you like he likes it.
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#5
RawPower Wrote:Hey everyone,

I’ve been with this guy for 8 months now, he’s my first boyfriend, and my first real relationship. I love him very much, we get along well and rarely argue. He doesn’t think he looks attractive, and most people probably won’t, but I’m extremely attracted to him, I can get hard by him simply touching my arm, and love every single part of his body. The attractiveness is definitely a one way thing. When it comes to sex he’s great on top, but he prefers to be on bottom. I enjoy it when he’s on top, but I always prefer to be on top, however when I am, it’s awful.....
The attractiveness is a "one way thing"? I don't get that. Are you saying you're attracted to him but he isn't to you?

You say its awful when you're on top. Is it awful for you or only for him... or both? What's "awful" about it. I get that he isn't happy with it but the way you express it (and we're only getting your side of the story) he isn't happy with anything regarding you and sex.

So what is this all about? I feel clueless. Do you honestly think someone could suggest a position or some fantasy or something that would really make a difference? I don't see how that's possible. I'd wager something else is going on here and I have no idea what it is. But whatever it is, I doubt a small change in sexual practice is going to make a significant difference.
.
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#6
Bring in a third guy to open up doors you might not even know exist. Alot of people have little to zero self awareness so they might not even know how to answer sex questions...so a visual map might be alot better tool....

For instance...see if he is up for this. Blindfold him and find a dominant man to fuck him...keep it anonymous for him so it is just about the fuck and nothing else. Tell the man to keep silent..and when he is done...to leave...

Sex is alot more than the actual act itself. The biggest sex organ is your brain. figure out how to engage it.
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#7
If you can give us more information, please do. I know it took a lot to write all that.

I am seeing a glimmer of what I would call goal-oriented sex. Your descriptions make it seem like he is oriented to achieving orgasm over anything else. Maybe if you guys could access the more playful side of sex, on the play and the foreplay and just the pleasuring of each other and the expression of your affection for each other, then it will become more interesting. How about sex without handjobs or blowjobs or anal sex? What would that look like for you guys?

Next, try flip fucking. You guys can go back and forth topping each other. Remove the power struggle from the equation by taking turns during the same experience.

It's good you guys are talking about it. Keep the dialogue going and keep the experimentation going. It sounds like you guys are both somewhat frustrated, but still engaging. Ask him what his fantasy is. Tell him what fantasies you have. Make each other's fantasies happen.
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#8
The reason why I asked if you sleep together is that I wonder if you two can share intimacy without requiring sex. that may be the key to a good long term relationship.

Or you could try cinnamon.
I bid NO Trump!
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#9
This reminds me of a joke I heard many years ago:

Two lesbians are walking down the grocery isle and one lesbian says to the other : Can I be frank with you" and the second lesbian replies "no,,, you were frank last night"

The jest of the joke is that you take turns. Pleasuring each other isn't a one way street, you both should want to pleasure each other and work towards that goal.

If you cannot figure out how to do that by talking about your desires and feelings, then you need to seek professional help before the relationship is trashed. There are sex counselors who can help you figure out what's wrong in the sex department.

Sincerely,
Jim
We Have Elvis !!
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#10
There seems to be no play in your sex life, no tenderness, no shared laughter, no shared mind-blowing moments.

You talk about feelings of love for your partner but I'm not reading where you express those feelings during sex. You describe him as a good top, well think about what he does for you, and quite possibly that's what he needs? What he's looking for but doesn't know how to tell you?

Maybe stop discussing things, sometimes we talk too much. Focus on him, not you. Make love to him, bring him to the edge, stop, bring him back.

You also mention he does not think he's attractive, that may be a mind block of his that he needs to work through. Have you told him what you said though?
Quote:...I’m extremely attracted to him, I can get hard by him simply touching my arm, and love every single part of his body.

Make it your goal for him to feel this. Make love to his body, forget about penetration, getting hard, yada yada yada, kiss every inch of him -- make love to his mind.

Accidentally smear wipe cream or chocolate syrup on him and lick it off. Make him laugh at how ridiculous you can be, then make him happy about it. Stop being so serious about sex and enjoy the ride.

Quote:The attractiveness is definitely a one way thing.
What do you mean by this?


There are different moments of sex in a relationship. Sometimes you'll want to shove him up against a wall, other times make slow love, sometimes it's quick, sometimes it's a long lazy morning. You really sound like you are both missing the romance and fun. Change that.
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