09-14-2015, 07:47 PM
Listen up guys. This my story. Many of you guys must knowing me as I have been semi active on GS however I want to post my this story on terms of anonymity.
Yes, I found out that I am Hiv positive on. 22nd Aug, 2015. I am not posting my story for any sympathy or kind words or to give me courage. I have been taking that from my counsellors.
Of course, it is hard to digest for me that I have this disease despite of being SUPER careful but yes I would admit that I have been a GAY SEX ADDICT. An addiction that is way beyond control, an addiction that led me spent lots and lots of hours, Money on watching porn, surfing GAY dating sites ( STD transmitting sites), addictively checking out GRINDR, PLANET ROMEO. An addiction that led me visit filthy loo for hook ups, to suck those COCKS thirstily, meeting and hooking up with multiple partners. An addiction that led me try out Poxxxrs, Meth (once thought).
I tell you, I crossed each and every line of ethics, moral. Still, no matter how much desparate I was, protection has always been on my mind and I used to go for regular tests.
It was due to an incident in July which freaked me out as two of the condoms broke in between. I am bottom.
Since then, I promised to abstain myself from SEX at least for 3months, so that I can for HIV test.
However,in the mid of July, I got typhoid (test report didn't confirm though), and I noticed few rashes on my body. I thought of going for a test with an assurance that it would turn negative as it is been on my a month since that incident.
Next day, when my report came and my counselor said, "Your result is bad, we have found reactive"...The word Reactive has made my life upside down and that word kept playing on my mind for almost a week.
I told about my condition to my doctor cousin who is a doctor however I have told him, I have got it through a heterosexual relation but I just couldn't and didn't want to lie to my own brother.
So, I wrote, my entire life of depression, sex addiction, same sex attractions since childhood, use of drugs once, anxiety, mood swings...everything coz I didn't want to lie anymore.
He has accepted me the way I am but asking me not to reveal my real story to everyone as everyone wouldn't understand.
So now here I am, standing on this side of the river. Though I am very slowly trying to accept my condition with a good counselling from my bro, bro's would be wife, cousin but I still have a benefit of doubt. Though I have got tested under Naco in Govt and Private...both the results r positive.
Anyway, the reality is I am on ARV meds which is doing fine for me and I feel normal but first two weeks were actual NIGHTMARE which is inexplicable.
I am staying with my family now, my mom doesn't know but we are planning to tell her after my bro's marriage. I have been eating healthy, watching movies, playing with mom and everything which I have been wanting to do for many years. I was away from home for 9yrs( but there was always frequent visit)
BTW, I got this disease not because of July incident it us before that as per counselor and doctor.
All I want to tell you is, if you REALLY REALLY think, you are an addict to SEX, Drugs, Bathhouse s, Public toilets, GAY SEX...any kind of addiction that may lead to hazard.PLEASE get yourself treated.
I am paying the price for not helping myself. I really don't want anybody to suffer.
Honestly this disease is not that deadly as it sounds, it is the stigma that is more dreadful. I didn't know someone with HIV positive blood can still have sex with a Hiv negative person provided the infected person viral load is undetectable which is possible with a healthy lifestyle, and ARV meds provided by ART for free.. I didn't know that two Hiv positive person can give birth to a hiv negative baby. I didn't know an Hiv positive person have no restrictions in food unlike diabetes or cancer. I didn't know someone with HIV can still build muscles, the person can live for 30/40yrs healthy and also may die a natural death.
I have many things to write and tell you but some other time. So, guys, please don't move away from your responsibility of getting yourself tested saving your life and others too. I have no intend to have sex with any guys or lead that lifestyle anymore even if my viral load becomes undetectable ie free from infection. However, I still wish to get married with a woman and have a baby and lead a positive life literally (yes, I had this in my mind too but. I am a bisexual with very less attractions towards women)
Yes, I found out that I am Hiv positive on. 22nd Aug, 2015. I am not posting my story for any sympathy or kind words or to give me courage. I have been taking that from my counsellors.
Of course, it is hard to digest for me that I have this disease despite of being SUPER careful but yes I would admit that I have been a GAY SEX ADDICT. An addiction that is way beyond control, an addiction that led me spent lots and lots of hours, Money on watching porn, surfing GAY dating sites ( STD transmitting sites), addictively checking out GRINDR, PLANET ROMEO. An addiction that led me visit filthy loo for hook ups, to suck those COCKS thirstily, meeting and hooking up with multiple partners. An addiction that led me try out Poxxxrs, Meth (once thought).
I tell you, I crossed each and every line of ethics, moral. Still, no matter how much desparate I was, protection has always been on my mind and I used to go for regular tests.
It was due to an incident in July which freaked me out as two of the condoms broke in between. I am bottom.
Since then, I promised to abstain myself from SEX at least for 3months, so that I can for HIV test.
However,in the mid of July, I got typhoid (test report didn't confirm though), and I noticed few rashes on my body. I thought of going for a test with an assurance that it would turn negative as it is been on my a month since that incident.
Next day, when my report came and my counselor said, "Your result is bad, we have found reactive"...The word Reactive has made my life upside down and that word kept playing on my mind for almost a week.
I told about my condition to my doctor cousin who is a doctor however I have told him, I have got it through a heterosexual relation but I just couldn't and didn't want to lie to my own brother.
So, I wrote, my entire life of depression, sex addiction, same sex attractions since childhood, use of drugs once, anxiety, mood swings...everything coz I didn't want to lie anymore.
He has accepted me the way I am but asking me not to reveal my real story to everyone as everyone wouldn't understand.
So now here I am, standing on this side of the river. Though I am very slowly trying to accept my condition with a good counselling from my bro, bro's would be wife, cousin but I still have a benefit of doubt. Though I have got tested under Naco in Govt and Private...both the results r positive.
Anyway, the reality is I am on ARV meds which is doing fine for me and I feel normal but first two weeks were actual NIGHTMARE which is inexplicable.
I am staying with my family now, my mom doesn't know but we are planning to tell her after my bro's marriage. I have been eating healthy, watching movies, playing with mom and everything which I have been wanting to do for many years. I was away from home for 9yrs( but there was always frequent visit)
BTW, I got this disease not because of July incident it us before that as per counselor and doctor.
All I want to tell you is, if you REALLY REALLY think, you are an addict to SEX, Drugs, Bathhouse s, Public toilets, GAY SEX...any kind of addiction that may lead to hazard.PLEASE get yourself treated.
I am paying the price for not helping myself. I really don't want anybody to suffer.
Honestly this disease is not that deadly as it sounds, it is the stigma that is more dreadful. I didn't know someone with HIV positive blood can still have sex with a Hiv negative person provided the infected person viral load is undetectable which is possible with a healthy lifestyle, and ARV meds provided by ART for free.. I didn't know that two Hiv positive person can give birth to a hiv negative baby. I didn't know an Hiv positive person have no restrictions in food unlike diabetes or cancer. I didn't know someone with HIV can still build muscles, the person can live for 30/40yrs healthy and also may die a natural death.
I have many things to write and tell you but some other time. So, guys, please don't move away from your responsibility of getting yourself tested saving your life and others too. I have no intend to have sex with any guys or lead that lifestyle anymore even if my viral load becomes undetectable ie free from infection. However, I still wish to get married with a woman and have a baby and lead a positive life literally (yes, I had this in my mind too but. I am a bisexual with very less attractions towards women)