I Turned Out Hiv Positive

[Anonymous]

Listen up guys. This my story. Many of you guys must knowing me as I have been semi active on GS however I want to post my this story on terms of anonymity.

Yes, I found out that I am Hiv positive on. 22nd Aug, 2015. I am not posting my story for any sympathy or kind words or to give me courage. I have been taking that from my counsellors.

Of course, it is hard to digest for me that I have this disease despite of being SUPER careful but yes I would admit that I have been a GAY SEX ADDICT. An addiction that is way beyond control, an addiction that led me spent lots and lots of hours, Money on watching porn, surfing GAY dating sites ( STD transmitting sites), addictively checking out GRINDR, PLANET ROMEO. An addiction that led me visit filthy loo for hook ups, to suck those COCKS thirstily, meeting and hooking up with multiple partners. An addiction that led me try out Poxxxrs, Meth (once thought).

I tell you, I crossed each and every line of ethics, moral. Still, no matter how much desparate I was, protection has always been on my mind and I used to go for regular tests.

It was due to an incident in July which freaked me out as two of the condoms broke in between. I am bottom.

Since then, I promised to abstain myself from SEX at least for 3months, so that I can for HIV test.

However,in the mid of July, I got typhoid (test report didn't confirm though), and I noticed few rashes on my body. I thought of going for a test with an assurance that it would turn negative as it is been on my a month since that incident.

Next day, when my report came and my counselor said, "Your result is bad, we have found reactive"...The word Reactive has made my life upside down and that word kept playing on my mind for almost a week.

I told about my condition to my doctor cousin who is a doctor however I have told him, I have got it through a heterosexual relation but I just couldn't and didn't want to lie to my own brother.

So, I wrote, my entire life of depression, sex addiction, same sex attractions since childhood, use of drugs once, anxiety, mood swings...everything coz I didn't want to lie anymore.

He has accepted me the way I am but asking me not to reveal my real story to everyone as everyone wouldn't understand.

So now here I am, standing on this side of the river. Though I am very slowly trying to accept my condition with a good counselling from my bro, bro's would be wife, cousin but I still have a benefit of doubt. Though I have got tested under Naco in Govt and Private...both the results r positive.

Anyway, the reality is I am on ARV meds which is doing fine for me and I feel normal but first two weeks were actual NIGHTMARE which is inexplicable.

I am staying with my family now, my mom doesn't know but we are planning to tell her after my bro's marriage. I have been eating healthy, watching movies, playing with mom and everything which I have been wanting to do for many years. I was away from home for 9yrs( but there was always frequent visit)



BTW, I got this disease not because of July incident it us before that as per counselor and doctor.

All I want to tell you is, if you REALLY REALLY think, you are an addict to SEX, Drugs, Bathhouse s, Public toilets, GAY SEX...any kind of addiction that may lead to hazard.PLEASE get yourself treated.

I am paying the price for not helping myself. I really don't want anybody to suffer.

Honestly this disease is not that deadly as it sounds, it is the stigma that is more dreadful. I didn't know someone with HIV positive blood can still have sex with a Hiv negative person provided the infected person viral load is undetectable which is possible with a healthy lifestyle, and ARV meds provided by ART for free.. I didn't know that two Hiv positive person can give birth to a hiv negative baby. I didn't know an Hiv positive person have no restrictions in food unlike diabetes or cancer. I didn't know someone with HIV can still build muscles, the person can live for 30/40yrs healthy and also may die a natural death.

I have many things to write and tell you but some other time. So, guys, please don't move away from your responsibility of getting yourself tested saving your life and others too. I have no intend to have sex with any guys or lead that lifestyle anymore even if my viral load becomes undetectable ie free from infection. However, I still wish to get married with a woman and have a baby and lead a positive life literally (yes, I had this in my mind too but. I am a bisexual with very less attractions towards women)

[matty7]

well firstly a big hug...and thank you for putting this all in writing, I hope someone can read your story and be spurred to make some changes to their lifestyle if they need to - I've no idea what you must be going through but as you say...you can still live 30/40 years healthy...and that's by todays medicine standards , who knows what break through may be around the corner in coming years - thank you for posting...it could have been easy to hide your illness from GS member but you didn't and chose to share

all the best for your future - matty

[Anocxu]

It is a process..
Acceptance, educating yourself, prioritizing your health, taking your future to a different platform.


As [MENTION=18997]matty7[/MENTION] said..
Thanks for sharing...

I hope this thread stays active for a long time so you could hash out more of your concerns here..

There are some amazing members here that will probably post soon..

Hint:
This thread will go very well if you take an interactive approach.

Keep us updated .

Group hug from you and Matty with me in the middle?

[IanSaysHi]

Hugs. I was always worried about getting tested, I'd been safe but still had this fear. Mine came back negative but I remember the build up to the results and can only imagine how you felt.

There was a recent post in here where a guy was asking if he should date a guy with HIV. There were some pretty good responses in there and also it shows the support you have from the community. Anyone who knows the facts knows it doesn't have the same stigma as in the 80s (I actually grew up believing I had AIDS because I was gay until sex ed - crazy).

Things will be okay I know that's a bit of a weak sounding closure to my post but give it time and it will be

[Camfer]

Honestly this disease is not that deadly as it sounds, it is the stigma that is more dreadful.
...

So, guys, please don't move away from your responsibility of getting yourself tested saving your life and others too.

It's good you got tested and that you are taking your meds. You really can lead a normal life if you are good at taking your prescriptions as required. It won't be long before your viral load is undetectable. May everyone treat you with respect and dignity. May there one day be a cure for this disease that has really impacted the gay and bi community.

Wishing you the best. Hugs.

[gayboyindia24]

Thank you guys for that support and encouraging words.
My reason for telling this story is also because I have stereotyped myself that Hiv is common among GAY community.
So, I really want to help you guys. All bad things come to an end and hooking up, drugs and all are very common in our community.

I am not asking you to abstain from sex, just be extra careful and at the same time get treatment on your addictions.

Trust me, life would be much easier. Please feel free to ask me any questions.

FYI , I am not trying to be an advocate of the disease and I am still in the process of acceptance.

[Anonymous]

Ok guys, as you all know that I am Hiv positive and trying and hoping to lead a positive life however my sexual urge is coming gradually though I am not gonna act on that.

As I have already mentioned that I don't want to lead that GAY lifestyle anymore and intend to get married to a Hiv positive woman and have kids ( that doesn't mean, I am trying to be straight. I am bisexual with more attractions towards men)

However, it is only been a month since my diagnosis and gradually my sexual is increasing. I am feeling guilty that why am I getting these feelings again or at least why so soon.

Though I try to keep myself busy with work during day time however at night, my urge increases. I know many of you would say that it is natural to feel that way. Honestly, I don't want to take that route again and start random hook ups and forget all ethics.

I consider this is my new life and a chance to help myself and focus on myself and my growth.

I am thinking to talk to my Hiv counselor and figure out. This time I really want to help myself. I just want to make SEX just a small part of my life not HEART of my life and even if I don't get SEX ever in my life, I should not go mad. Any suggestions?

[IanSaysHi]

1) Why feel guilty over sexual urges? It's natural, most people beyond puberty get this
2) Until you find your partner, if you aren't going to have sex with anyone else, can't you, y'know, jack off?
3) If you feel you're going to give into sex, which isn't a bad thing, just be honest with the person you hook up with, and use protection.
4) Don't avoid surprises in life. I wish you luck in your search for a HIV+ woman who wants kids with you, but don't close yourself off to unexpected love and romance - you could create such a specific wish that one day you look back and realise you missed out on love that didn't necessarily meet your criteria but would have been worth it.
Best of luck going forward

[Edward]

Well, nowadays HIV is not as much a death sentence as it was a few decades ago. With treatment person with HIV can live a normal life but I believe you know that already.

And please think about your partners now. Tell them you're infected before anything happens so they can choose whether or not they want to have sex with you. I'm very sorry what happened to you but now you must also think about not putting the lives of other people at risk.

[Anonymous]

Hi all..here I am again. Guys for the past 2-3 days, I have been feeling depressed about my diagnosis. Though in between I started accepting my condition but lately, negative feelings are coming in.

How would my Mom react when I would tell her about my situation. She loves me to the core, and she is a strong believer of God even though she lost her husband (my father) long time ago when I was 8yrs old but she hasn't lost hope in God.

I fear that she would always feel sad about my condition and would never see her smile again. I loathe myself sometimes that why didn't i think about her at the time of hooking up randomly.

My brother has been very supportive to me and he says he would never leave me. But I am feeling very insecure that who would look after me when I am sick, by that time my would be old, my bro would have his own family and life.

I am just leaving it here now...feeling very sad.