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09-17-2015, 09:21 PM

Today I was sexually violated. I feel no need to be coddled but I understand concern to be natural. I had expressed a reluctance toward anal sex yet my partner proceeded. I am likely only now coming out of shock. I told my best friend about it and a clinic doctor. The experience was not violent, just uncomfortable and painful, but not direly painful. I actually had a vehicular mishap in the parking lot of my pharmacy. I've only now gotten home. I have reason to feel safe, but I am disquieted by today's events and by the nature of STD/STI testing, that it will likely take months to definitively assess the consequences of today.

IanSaysHi · (Edited 09-17-2015, 10:26 PM by IanSaysHi.)

Well I'm going to say it anyway: sorry to hear that this happened.

I'm glad that you have told a friend (and a doctor), because this is something I'd advise in this situation. Sharing this with someone you trust can help relieve some (however small) of what you feel.

In terms of the testing, yes it will take time for some results but in simple terms you may have caught something but equally you may not have. It's best to try to put this at the back of your mind (easy to say I know) until you get the actual results because worrying about them in the meantime doesn't do anything (except make you potentially ill from stress).

Last, but not least, it sounds like you need to get yourself in a good place (again, easy for me to say), by trying to steady yourself before deciding what to do next. I'm not sure if by partner you meant a casual sex hookup or an actual relationship but if you are saying that you said no but he proceeded anyway, then you have to decide if you want to take this further.

I'm no expert with this but please try to take some deep breaths, and maybe see if you can stay with a close friend or family member tonight so you are not alone? Please take care of yourself, I'm glad you posted on here because everyone here is very supportive.

09-17-2015, 10:18 PM

Oh wayward, that's terrible. I'm sorry that happened to you. Ian had excellent advice. It would be better not to stay alone tonight. Find a friend that can stay the night with you, no questions asked maybe? Make it an easy night for yourself. Take care of you.

Smheart

xx

LJay · 09-17-2015, 11:53 PM

Saying that I am sorry seems far from enough. Believe me, I have been there and really do hope that you will be OK. Try to hang with a friend and feel free to write on this forum on PM if it will help. You are a good man. You can get past this.

CellarDweller · 09-18-2015, 12:07 AM

that sucks Wayward. I'm glad you've confided in someone, and seen a doctor.

Have you made a decision as to whether or not to press criminal charges against the rapist?

LONDONER · 09-18-2015, 02:29 AM

That's just awful and I'm so sorry that you found yourself in that situation. I can't offer better advice other than what's already been given but I would follow up on what CellarDweller said; consider legal action against the person who did this to you.

Keep up posted on how things go for you.

09-18-2015, 05:06 AM

The last thing I want is to be defined by victimhood. The idea of rape is so polarizing. I don't want it to snuff out my identity and dignity as an intelligent, capable being. Pity has been far too common a response to my life. I am not making accusations here. I just think that getting people to listen to me has been so difficult already. I feel like if others knew, the pity would rob me of all credibility.

09-18-2015, 05:40 AM

wayward Wrote:The last thing I want is to be defined by victimhood. The idea of rape is so polarizing. I don't want it to snuff out my identity and dignity as an intelligent, capable being. Pity has been far too common a response to my life. I am not making accusations here. I just think that getting people to listen to me has been so difficult already. I feel like if others knew, the pity would rob me of all credibility.

First...let me say......EXCELLENT INSIGHT on the pity part...and you are so right. Very few people ever really understand this...you are very lucky to be able to know this now....

Second ..... Bighug

..and finally....I know you probably already know this but what he did was about power and control...not sex....

In order to have "sex" ......you need two consenting adults. ....

The best way to handle this is to be honest about it and call it what it is...and then put it on the table to come to terms with it. That will make you a survivor..not a victim...

One of the best things I ever learned in my life...every cloud has a silver lining...and when you are ready to let it go....find that silver lining before you kick it to the curb. The worst things in life often have the best silver linings....

I am sorry (((wayward))) ...I have been there myself... Bighug

09-18-2015, 06:07 AM

I much appreciate your view, [MENTION=18508]East[/MENTION]
I have finished writing my first poem since, and hope to agonize over a few more. Excuse my frivolous use of language. Jesting is uncommon for me. Good night unless I find difficulty sleeping, otherwise I will be back. Well wishes to forum posters in the meantime.

CellarDweller · 09-18-2015, 10:22 PM

wayward Wrote:The last thing I want is to be defined by victimhood. The idea of rape is so polarizing. I don't want it to snuff out my identity and dignity as an intelligent, capable being. Pity has been far too common a response to my life. I am not making accusations here. I just think that getting people to listen to me has been so difficult already. I feel like if others knew, the pity would rob me of all credibility.

Calling the violation what it is doesn't rob you of your credibility.

Standing up and facing the issue head on should inspire respect and courage, not pity.

The instant you said "no" and it happened anyway, it was rape, and he deserves to face the consequences for that.