Came here to share experience and maybe get advice

[Acroposthion]

I am a 57 year old and came to this site as I wanted to share what is going on in my sex life and maybe get some comments and advice from other gay men. I am not out and have had very little gay sexual experience and for many years had straight relationships though they would never last very long. But over the past few years I have admitted (to myself anyway!) that I am really more attracted to me than women. And now I am going through a sort of sex frenzy as I try to make up for all the lost years not having boyfriends. This "frenzy" is stoked up by watching a lot of porn and having cam sex with guys on gayruleta, or on Skype. When on cam I get very turned on and go all out and frequently show my face. I am a slim fit guy for my age and I find I get a lot of interest from young men, 16 to 30 mostly who like "daddies". It feels a little weird that they would like a man so much older but judging from the number of cam boy friends I get it is not uncommon and as I like younger men I have just accepted it and enjoyed the experience. (incidentally, I have found it really hard to find attractive gay men of my own age - so many seem overweight or just can't get an erection). Now one of the boys I have been on cam with wants to meet me for real sex. He is 16 years old and above the age of consent in the country where we would meet. We have had a lot of exchanges so I feel we know each other quite well. I am very tempted but also wondering if I am doing something very stupid and also I do not want to do anything that would harm the boy. I'd appreciate any comments and advice. thanks

[Beaux]

I know for a fact, that you don't want my comments or advice...
~Beaux

[Anocxu]

If you have to roll thoughts back and fourth in your head "should I do this?"
"Does it feel right?"

Then maybe you shouldn't.

You said.."I don't want to do anything to harm the boy"

Well if you "see" him as a boy..
That's also another cue to refrain.

Wouldn't it be so much easier and way less complicated to choose a different path?

[Darius]

Yeah, I'd say pick someone in his 20s or 30s and leave the teenagers alone.

[Wolfpack]

First of all welcome to GS

As for this young man I thnk it's best if you leave him be and move on, i think it can only end in disaster for the both of you. Look for someone a little older , someone more experienced who will be able to meet your needs better and be a better match for you.

[Cobalt]

Well, where to start.

I can give you a few pieces of advice. You can take them or leave them, it doesn't matter to me. Whether or not you want to take my advice doesn't concern me. I'm the other side of your equation (read: I'm a younger guy only attracted to much older men, my partner is two years older than you).

1) It's great you're embracing who you feel you really are (homosexual, or bisexual with a male preference...whatever it is you are identifying with). Being a massive camwhore or whore in general to "make up for lost time" isn't the best thing to be doing though. My partner came out later in life (in his 40s) and was a virgin all the way until then, he didn't go through a hoe stage. If being a hoe is what you legitimately want to do, great. Admit it to yourself and your partner(s). If you think racking up sex partners/cam partners on some sort of invisible tally sheet will make you happy: it won't. You'll more than likely end up being somebody a handful of years from now who will be sitting in a psychologist's office trying to think of all the partners you had, breaking down and balling after you realize you're past the number 50 mark. You more than likely don't want to be that person. Figure out what you want, what you really want. If you're going through a stage of being promiscuous, again, great. Admit that's where you are and admit that to any partner(s) you have. Advice: don't even think about a relationship right now. You're not ready for it and you're going to mess up your partner and you. Have fun with your new found sexuality but two things:
1) Protect yourself. Seriously. It isn't even just about you. Considering you're attracted to young men, think of them. Don't give them a disease they'll have to live much longer with than you would just because you wanted to be careless.
2) Use the head on your shoulders more than the one in your shorts. Think often about where you are with your sexuality and what you want. If you just want sex admit it to yourself and your partner(s), don't play games. If you want a relationship, make sure you're ready.

2) This 16 year old may be "legal" where he lives but here's the thing: just because he's legal doesn't mean it's a good idea. A 16 year old is still a boy. I'm not here to tell you what to be attracted to and what not to be attracted to. As far as I'm concerned, as long as it's legal there's nothing anyone can do about it. But this goes beyond legality. He's more or less a boy, a kid. He thinks he's ready for sex with a 57 year old man: I can tell you: he isn't. At his age I wanted sex with a 52 year old man. Had I actually gotten it I honestly think it would have fucked me up bad. Sex in itself is confusing enough for a kid in their teens, the massive age difference is just a gigantic wrench to further complicate things. The kid isn't ready for you, I don't care if he's legal or not. Back off from him and cut ties. If you care one iota about him in the least bit as a human being: back off from him and cut all ties. If he's really set on sex with a 50 year old, he'll find it. Let him go ahead and do it, he'll realize he made a mistake only after it's done with. Don't be his mistake.

3) The legal age is 18 in most cases to consent to sex but honestly, that's rarely ever good enough. If you want my advice, I would (ironically given my own relationship) say stay away from anyone under 30. Most guys in their 20s have no clue at all what they want out of life. Never mind sex, never mind a relationship. Some will but I can almost guarantee you, you won't meet them. Given the odds, you're highly unlikely to meet them. You might think they have their shit together. That 24 year old guy seems to really have his head on straight and all his ducks in a row. I can say about 95% of the time what you see on the surface and after a few months of knowing him, that guy's a train wreck underneath. He's got his whole life for the most part to figure out, you more than likely (given your age) aren't going to be part of it once he realizes what he really wants. Even if you just want sex, hooking up with a guy in his 20s, unless you can really just be an anonymous fuck buddy he'll never hear from or see again, will more than likely end up going sour. In short: save yourself from the drama and keep away from the 20 year olds. Your odds of having a good experience (again, unless it's totally anonymous) aren't very good. As for 16-21 year olds, avoid them like you would an area that's just been atomic bombed. Dangerous, dangerous, dangerous. For both parties.

All my above advice is just that: advice. It's taken from personal experience and the experiences of others. Take it or leave it, I think most of it was pretty common sense stuff to be honest. Others here might disagree with me and that's fine, my experiences are my own, they have theirs. You can choose to take some of my advice or call it all bullshit, whatever what you want to do is your choice. Above everything else: protect yourself and your partner(s). That doesn't just mean physically. Mentally and emotionally too.

[Acroposthion]

Thanks to everyone who has commented. I am new to this forum and was sincerely appreciative of the thoughtful comments and very good advice. All things that I have considered and know are correct but have been ignoring. I need to cool down and, as Cobalt advises, stop thinking with my dick!

[LJay]

And who is to say that he is not 14 and claiming to be 16?

Oh, that could get messy.

Find something better to do.

[East]

Way too many red flags here. If there is even one red flag it is probably a good idea not to pursue it for everyone's sake...and this situation has nothing but red flags....

[LONDONER]

If in spite of most of the advice given here, you should go ahead with the "16" year old, for heaven's stake, ask for proof of identity first. However, as most have said, I would steer clear of such an encounter. He might just have fantasies of an older man but it could end disasterously for both of you.

I understand what you say about finding men of your own age who are attractive but they do exist even if they are in the minority.