Login

10-04-2015, 06:45 AM

It seems like forever now I've been trying to understand, but I can't figure it out. I start speaking to a guy, we seemingly hit it off, we have great conversation, but when it comes to meeting, he gets cold feet and we never speak again. I know the difference between a quick late night chat and real conversation, but I never understand why people would waste so much time and effort getting to know someone for no reason. It happens so often that I feel there's some "gay deal breaker" I don't know about.
Do people really lie about how they really feel? I have NEVER flirted with anyone I didn't have interest in. It's like people forget there's someone else on the other side of the phone.

10-04-2015, 06:47 AM

A lot of people don't know themselves very well....and their own reflection might scare them off..so instead of disappointment.,....consider it a bullet dodged....

10-04-2015, 06:54 AM

I feel like I'm supposed to catch it before it happens since it does so much. I ask the "right" questions about what the other person is looking for, go at their pace, try to get to know the "real" person, etc. I just don't understand. It sucks because I'm smart enough to know that I can't control anyone but myself, but being self-aware doesn't help anything.

Insertnamehere · 10-04-2015, 03:39 PM

One thing you need to learn, a lot of guys are full of bullsh*t and some WILL talk bullsh*t and seemingly want to get to know you yet still go on douchebag mode in the end.

Other groups might not be like this, and have other things going on you can neither know nor blame yourself for.

10-04-2015, 07:18 PM

Insertnamehere Wrote:One thing you need to learn, a lot of guys are full of bullsh*t and some WILL talk bullsh*t and seemingly want to get to know you yet still go on douchebag mode in the end.

Other groups might not be like this, and have other things going on you can neither know nor blame yourself for.

I get that people "have other things going on", but I guess my cherry-picking isn't good enough when there's no filters on real life. I never give the indication that I'm looking to play games and always make my intentions clear. I try to go for "men" and "adults" that have intelligence, but I guess there's no such thing.
I read another topic on here and MikeW. made some good points about the differences between a relationship and connection that made me think it's time for yet another change in the way I interact with people. If it's not in person it's not real no matter what.

Camfer · 10-05-2015, 01:30 AM

A lot of people are hiding behind screens and playing with other people's emotions. Yes, as you say, if you can't move it to real life or at least video chat within a couple of weeks, then it's not real. It's good you figured this out.

Cobalt · 10-05-2015, 02:04 AM

The majority of people are fickle. It can be hard to find someone you have a real connection with and when you do that person may not be what you want at all. I dealt with a number of guys I thought I was at least becoming casual friends with and all of a sudden it was like I ceased to exist. When I first met my partner online things were different. He was the one who offered to exchange phone numbers after about a month of e-mails back and forth. He didn't want anything other than to say "good morning" each day and check in from time to time. For once I wasn't the one trying to keep a connection and that things were actually mutual, that's how I knew something real was beginning to develop.

My advice: hang in there and don't get discouraged. If you keep trying, statistically you're bound to run into someone who is just as interested in talking with you as you are interested in talking to them.