Getting Into the Dating Game

[GMYT16]

Hello All. I was curious to see how others approach dating, as everyone has their own methods and styles. My experience with dating is very limited in general but I am avid user of online dating and its been very abysmal for the most part. I've met a handle of guys but they always turn out to be flakes...I did however meet my ex on a site and we were together almost two years, though that wasn't the best relationship honestly.

I'm wondering if I should just go out and try meeting guys that way, but I think I'd be a nervous wreck :eek: I've come a long way but still have a touch of social anxiety, added with introverted personality but I try. Ideally I'd like a ltr but I wouldn't know where to begin and it can be frustrating/depressing at times.

[Insertnamehere]

When I get on that (or learn how to be social for that matter) I'll get back to you

[East]

Most people need to get out of their own way. I don't know if you are one of them or not....but just in case...

NO EXPECTATIONS! Never put anyone on a pedestal....statues belong on pedestals. Real people all have flaws. I suspect there are a few people who want to be idolized but for the most part...it is uncomfortable for the object of your desires to be objectified. Even if you don't say it out loud....most people can sense it.

When you see someone you like..smile or nod...look them in the eyes...just smile or nod and say HI because you want to...not because you expect anything in return...

IF you get a date...don't talk about your ex...or what you hate in other people....or what's wrong with "everybody else"...it is never attractive....and what you might attract to you with that vibe is equally unattractive....

Be authentic...don't necessarily put your best foot forward.

My approach to meeting men..always in person...and I am blunt if all I wanted was sex...but with all the guys I have had relationships with..I was shy. UGH.....

....BUT..not shy enough that I don't respond to their advances. I celebrated my 30 year anniversary recently with the guy I am with now...

Oh yeah...one thing I have heard a lot that is "the trick"...and it was certainly the case with me...don't look for a relationship. I NEVER wanted one..LOVED being single...and so...there you have it. I have heard this a lot. I think what it means is that if you are happy with your life and yourself you will attract a lot more people interested in you.

Of course.,..all of this advice is meant for in person meeting. I have no idea how to go about meeting anyone on line and it will never really be the case for me so I never bothered to even get a sense of it. It sounds like you had success with this in the past so maybe you already have the key.

[1and1]

I don't approach dating. Gave up. Was never worth it. Go for meeting guys for not-for-dates.

[VirgoMasquerade]

I wouldn't mind jumping into the dating scene. Maybe give me something else to do on the weekends

[GMYT16]

Appreciate the insight East. I do follow much of what you said already, such as authenticity, keeping the conversation on your date (i.e. no ex talk). I do admit to putting some on a pedestal as you say, though that could stem from self esteem issues and fear in my case. I have heard about not looking for a relationship, and just being content with what you have...and the rest sort of falls in to place.

I just really need patience I suppose but being new to the whole scene can seem a bit much, and I can certainly understand why many would rather not play the game at all after doing so for awhile. The hopeless romantic in me doesn't believes its worth pursuing. I need to build up my confidence level some too but I'm starting to see my own qualities.

[Kenny221]

Hey GMYT16, Kenny here. I think I understand your struggles here. I've been trying to get into the online dating with limited success as well. It's tough. I'll say that much. I've been told the same things as well. ( Don't look for a relationship, just let it go naturally) But really, the hopeless romantic in me just wouldn't quite let that go. It's tough being new to 'dating' in general, and like me and you , our self-esteem isn't just quite there to allow us to really shine through our self doubt.

I'm a extrovert but even I'm finding it hard to summon the nerves to actually go out there and meet guys. Like you said, I become a nervous wreck just thinking about it. I think the only thing we can do is basically just really keep trying. I mean online dating is really a 'hit or miss' type of thing, and unless we summon our nerves of steel of going out and being guys on our own, I guess it's gonna be the only way for us for awhile..

[Insertnamehere]

The more I think about it the more it bothers me that it's a "game".

I hate "games" so so much and everyone seems to love them, which is why I'm single I reckon :eek:

*eagerly reads replies to find an answer*

[1and1]

Hey. I never said that the method of intentionally NOT looking for a relationship would in fact find you a relationship. I'm just saying that not looking for a relationship is much easier and hassle free than looking for a relationship.

[trywait]

it happens when you least expect it. though, it wont happen without some intervention as well. it's not going to happen without any effort either.