Don't know how much I can take anymore ...

[verysimple]

It's not about my family as much as it is about this whole society. I keep asking myself is it me or is it them? In their world, Their shell. Yes, It's me. But when you look at it as this whole world outside of their shell. I think it is them. This is not a healthy environment to live in or to raise a child. Sometimes I keep thinking to pack my stuff and leave without having a plan to escape the country. Just go to some city and never come back. Deactivate my facebook, throw away my phone and be completely out of touch. Just disappear. This is how much I'm sick of my situation in here. Whenever I go to school, my energy drops, I become someone I'm not. Like a robot. I hate myself when I'm around these people because as I try to communicate to prove to myself that I can still be me even when I'm around those people and I'm just not.
It's revolting to be here. I just can't wait to graduate and get the hell out. It's a fucked up country with people who have the mentality of a baby which makes it harder for me to figure out a way to deal with them.

[meridannight]

isn't there any hope of the society there becoming more enlightened at all? you obviously have people who understand things are wrong the way they stand....isn't anybody thinking about doing anything about it?

[Scootaloo]

Sometimes a change of scenery is a good thing. If your close to finishing school, I would do that first, education is important.

[Anocxu]

This is one reason I love reading your theads...
You have a hyper analytical stance on everything I would consider substantial and you are passionate about everything.

I keep asking myself is it me or is it them?

Life has put me in so many circumstances where I had to ask that very same question.

What if I were to tell you... the answers.

It's the both of you..
It's you and "them"..
Your circumstances are about the combination .

To clarify your post a bit..
"Your environment does not reflect you .. at all"
"You don't belong" ?

In their world, Their shell. Yes, It's me. But when you look at it as this whole world outside of their shell. I think it is them. This is not healthy.

Omg.. no..!!
You'll drive yourself absolutely crazy with this line of thinking.
That would be the equavalent of playing a "psychological Sherlock Holmes."

The key to your peace of mind would be acceptance.

Your environment is the way it is.. you have to accept it !!
The influences , standards and overall cultural practices are beyond your influence at this point in your life.

What can you do?
You have a long list of options. .

Make the very best of the "positives" in your life.

*Take full advantage of your education considering it might be your ticket out.

*Make peace with who you are ...tolerate your circumstances with the understanding. . "This is temporary "

To eloborate. .
It would be pointless rattling yourself into trauma or depression, then fail classes.

*Not many people here know that you were involved in humanitarian projects. .
How about getting more involved ?

My point is..
Take the positive things in your life to a new level.

l Sometimes I keep thinking to pack my stuff and leave without having a plan to escape the country. Just go to some city and never come back. Deactivate my facebook, throw away my phone and be completely out of touch. Just disappear. This is how much I'm sick of my situation in here.

You sound like me ..
I was seriously ready to join a monastery. .
I think you're just venting here..
In case you are remotely serious..
Please don't. .that would be trading one set of issues for another.

Whenever I go to school, my energy drops, I become someone I'm not. Like a robot. I hate myself when I'm around these people because as I try to communicate to prove to myself that I can still be me even when I'm around those people and I'm just not.

The moment I decided I would never ever, ever "fit in" .. my world changed ..

I am tired of anxiety related issues. .
Tired of disecting details , so tired of worrying about things I will never be able to control.
I believe you should adapt more of that attitude .

It's revolting to be here. I just can't wait to graduate and get the hell out. It's a fucked up country with people who have the mentality of a baby which makes it harder for me to figure out a way to deal with them.

Well think of it as .."Temporary Tolerance". .
Either that. . Or drive yourself crazy..

I guess in the mean time...
Keep posting. .
Keep us informed. .
Keep a cool head..

Hugs. .

[jimcrackcorn]

I agree with Anoxcu 100 percent.

I will add a little more by saying; you are at a stage in life where you want to be independent, free from your parents & the society that doesn't accept your sexuality. At this point,,, they are holding you back from being who you want to be and you are stuck there until you finish college and can move.

You are going in the right direction,, just be patient and you will be able to live a full and happy life.

Sincerely,
Jim

[Anocxu]

I agree with Anoxcu 100 percent.

I will add a little more by saying; you are at a stage in life where you want to be independent, free from your parents & the society that doesn't accept your sexuality. At this point,,, they are holding you back from being who you want to be and you are stuck there until you finish college and can move.

You are going in the right direction,, just be patient and you will be able to live a full and happy life.

Sincerely,
Jim

Awesome post Jimmy. .

Sending you my latest sphincter pic...
Hugs

[jimcrackcorn]

Awesome post Jimmy. .

Sending you my latest sphincter pic...
Hugs

Honey,,,,, that not a sphincter,,,,, that's a CAVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Anocxu]

Honey,,,,, that not a sphincter,,,,, that's a CAVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

From a canyon to a cave?

So ..
The Kegel exercises are working!

Thank You Jimmy

[LJay]

VS, keep your chin up. You are at a very hard time in life. It is rough for everyone a your age and perhaps even rougher for you because of your situation, but it is not hopeless.

True, we are socially overloaded, overexposed to news and contact through social media, educated to a head-popping extent, given training in religion we may not want and manners we may never follow. It is all normal for guys at your stage of life to feel like double turbo overload is setting in.

Thought you might like to know about this little poem, published in 1896, that talks about the same thing,though in genteel terms. Sometimes it helps me to remember that others have had the same problems.

A. E. Housman (1859–1936). A Shropshire Lad. 1896.

XIII. When I was one-and-twenty


WHEN I was one-and-twenty
I heard a wise man say,
‘Give crowns and pounds and guineas
But not your heart away;

Give pearls away and rubies 5
But keep your fancy free.’
But I was one-and-twenty,
No use to talk to me.

When I was one-and-twenty
I heard him say again, 10
‘The heart out of the bosom
Was never given in vain;
’Tis paid with sighs a plenty
And sold for endless rue.’
And I am two-and-twenty, 15
And oh, ’tis true, ’tis true.

[Insertnamehere]

The macro-region you're in won't be changing regarding us anytime soon.

Finish your education and start making plans to get out, on that much I agree with you....NO, don't just "pack [your] stuff and leave without having a plan to escape the country"

Plan ahead, please. Be patient and strong and work towards that freedom.