i need advice it's urgent

[sam]

hey there ..

i'm from the middle east , when i was 13 i met a boy in my school , we became friends he also lives in my neighborhood so we go to school in the bus together .. in the summer we became really good friends we would always go out play together and hang out with each other alot in his house or mine .. and we used to chat ALOT on MSN . we'd return from school and start chatting till we sleep and wake up and do the same thing all over again .
i have a lot of friends and cousins who i hang out with all the time but him ,, let's call him X .
but X was different we just loved hanging out together and spending time together .. so in that year i had to travel to another country i wasn't thinking about what will happen to X , when i arrived there we started chatting and he told he was so sad that i left and he's not going out and he cries sometimes! i was surprised i didn't see this coming so i started to tell him its okay i'll be back and talked him through it .. when i came back our relationship became even stronger and we watch soccer games together , so one day he was at my place watching a game in the break we went to my room .. we were lying next to each other -we used to play some physical games but not sexual - .. out of the blue we found each other making out! and boy what a great feeling it was .
so that's when it started, our relationship stayed strong and we still do the same things but we do more now! .. so when he asks me to come to his place we'd do things and on the other hand i do tell him to come by if my place was empty .. after that we started fighting everyday and at the end of the day we'd be back to normal and even when we are fighting i would just come down to his place to fight and end up making out(love) .
we were like this for almost 4 years .. we grew up and i passed the high school but he did not! .. so he's an american so before 2 months he went to the US .. i was devastated and so bummed about him leaving i'd cry for hours .. and for him it was the same thing.
i didn't take it anymore and sent him a massage telling him "X i love you .. not love between normal friends but love between couple and a just want to be with you all the time , i dont know about you but i dont care about anyone i just want to tell what's in my heart and this is me i dont care about the consequences of this"
he started telling that this is wrong and he does'nt feel the same way and we can't be like this and things like this .. i know he wants to have a relationship with .. BUT what's the kind of this relationship thats the thing i dont know !!! i would appreciate some help here .. this is my first time ever writing something like this in my life and i just registered under a fake name and email so please help

[MFD000]

You should probably just let this go and find someone else to occupy your time. As much as you may not want to hear this, X is gone. Sure you guys were friends that fooled around, but that's where it stopped. This is what most gays have to go through. He moved to the US and you're in the Middle East, why would you want to attempt to put yourself through that? Yes it hurts, yes it sucks, but this is your first gay experience. They usually don't last a lifetime.

[IanSaysHi]

I agree with [MENTION=23099]MFD000[/MENTION].

I know this will sound patronising and how could anyone know how you feel if we brush this off so lightly, but time gives you a valuable insight.

With my first guy the feelings were incredibly strong, intense and my thoughts just flowed around him. When it was over, I was devastated, and didn't know how I'd recover. My friends didn't understand and I felt very alone. He also cheated on me so at least yours is a 'clean' break.

Now, looking back, I smile and can't believe how I felt! Things are always more intense with your first. I promise, one day you will look back and just appreciate the time you had, whilst embracing what you will have in the future.

You will have to just go on until time makes you feel better, and it will. You'll eventually find the right guy. Good luck.

[sam]

i think time is the best thing in my hand right now .. but the problem is im only attracted to this guy .. only him in the whole world no other guy can make me fall in love with him cuz im just not interested in any other one .. we grew up together we did a million things together we slept together we sat next to each other at the school we live in the neighborhood we went shopping together i have a lot of his things in fact im wearing his t-shirt right now as we speak .. everything in my life is related to him everywhere i look there's a memory with him , we still talk everyday but i told him my feelings my true feelings about him and he just doesn't want to say it back to me but i know he has them .. i dont know what to do with him i want more i always tell him i miss and i love and he tells me me 2 and sometimes he says it to me on his own .. he just wont say he loves me the same way i do! even though i know it!

[TwisttheLeaf]

I'm sorry man, but I'm going to tell you a really HARD lesson to learn in life, yeah?

Love -does not- conquer all.

Life is not a fairy tale, and love is a wonderful thing, but it doesn't make the insurmountable suddenly easy. It doesn't make the impossible possible. It won't make the miles (and ocean) between you disappear, or his denials either if he's not ready to go there.

It makes misery more tolerable, definitely, but it can create its own misery as well.

I would say either let him go. If he refuses to let go? Then maybe in time he might come around, but it's far more likely he will simply remain a long-distance friend.

[MFD000]

i think time is the best thing in my hand right now .. but the problem is im only attracted to this guy .. only him in the whole world no other guy can make me fall in love with him cuz im just not interested in any other one .. we grew up together we did a million things together we slept together we sat next to each other at the school we live in the neighborhood we went shopping together i have a lot of his things in fact im wearing his t-shirt right now as we speak .. everything in my life is related to him everywhere i look there's a memory with him , we still talk everyday but i told him my feelings my true feelings about him and he just doesn't want to say it back to me but i know he has them .. i dont know what to do with him i want more i always tell him i miss and i love and he tells me me 2 and sometimes he says it to me on his own .. he just wont say he loves me the same way i do! even though i know it!

This is not true and until you stop telling yourself this you will be in the vortex. If you want to believe that this person is the only person in the world that you can hold feelings for and you can love then you're doing it to yourself. The truth is no one can get you out of your funk but you. You have to be strong enough to do it.

[Scootaloo]

Not to sound like a broken record as others have said the same, but when my first love broke it off with me I was devastated. It was very similar, I was deeply in love and didn't want to admit he was gay. !5 years later and may loves past, I realize it was just a life lesson.