What Would You Do?

[TigerLover]

Gosh I'd never really looked at Cock/Ball Torture that way before...

WTF!!!!!

I can't believe that's a thing.... what.... why. Jesus that makes ball-gags and whips look vanilla.

Anyway know you're joking but to clarify I was talking about this CBT
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cognitive_...al_therapy

[TwisttheLeaf]

He flat-put refuses to accept responsibility for the tantrum(s)--according to him, the tantrums are my fault. He says he wouldn't loose his temper if I weren't constantly making mistakes.

~Beaux

Edit: And I DO make mistakes. I am not perfect, sometimes I forget passwords. Sometimes I forget appointments. Sometimes I forget. He does too, of course, but we don't discuss his mistakes, lest I be responsible for another tantrum.

~Beaux

A'right. So I had a different answer.... until I got to here and read these responses. SO, I had to walk away and think.

Fact is?

I don't put up with abuse, and what he's doing IS abuse. It's emotional and psychological abuse.

So... there you have it. I'd leave.

Like I've said on this board before. Love doesn't solve everything, love doesn't conquer all. And -guilt- is no reason to stay in a relationship that isn't working anymore.

So, if it were me... I'd walk.

[Camfer]

Oh!

Those acronyms get me every time.

TTYL

[Beaux]

*disclaimer* I don't really know anything about spousal abuse or hormonal imbalance. But I'm intimately familiar with uncontrolled outbursts of anger. So if it seems like i'm "taking his side" or trying to talk you into staying, I'm not. It's just what i see when i read your story.



He needs real therapy, maybe he hasn't dealt well with the trauma of cancer or hell it can be anyone of a thousand things but it is definitely not something you cannot fix alone. If he's externalizing blame to this extent then he's not going to listen to a thing you have to say. So long as he maintains this cognitive dissidence which absolutely blocks all attempts at introspection he will never ever get better, he can only get worse.

The brain sets up blocks like this to protect against shame and hurt, introspection and any kind of valid criticism feels like touching a burning stove you just reflexively have to escape from it. It takes a trained professional to defuse that reaction and until it's diffused nothing can be done to help him.
In my experience rage gives you unshakeable certainty, when the anger drains away the certainty goes with it and you're left standing there wondering why the fuck you just made those choices. you're left scared, confused and ashamed and often physically weak. It's a complete 360 mood swing. Personally I used to cry and try to crush a pillow but i can easily imagine that if i had a SO i would have clung to them like the last lifeboat on the titanic.



It is absolutely not your fault but you trigger negative emotions because you make him feel ashamed and trigger that knee- jerk reaction,
you cannot be the one to help him. Until that cognitive dissidence is repaired

He needs a therapist's help. Even if you leave him, please urge him to go get help ASAP.

Hi TigerLover,

Thank you, really. Thanks.

I am not even going to go back down Thearpy Road. Trust me.

The truth is, that he isn't the only one affected by the 360*-swings. I do my best to leave the room as soon as the tirades begin, but after it is over I am left shaken and weak. I genuinely believe that it is affecting my health; I (literally) feel physically "bruised" post-tantrum and after bad ones, it sometimes takes days bounce back.

I spent about an hour locked in the bathroom with my hands over my ears today, and yes, afterwards, he seemed contrite and "loving". And, yes, it is cyclic.

I have seeen that "unshakeable certainty" rise and fall like the ocean's tides, and I have watched him as he discovers himself standing in the front yard screaming "Fuck You! Fuck You!" at the top of his lungs. There IS a light of recognition in his eyes, of shame, but it is brief. It doesn't last long before that wave of certainty washes it away.

I really appreciate your input.
Again, Thank You,
~Beaux

[Beaux]

I am so sorry Beaux..I had hoped it would stop......

In the meantime..you have to take care of yourself. Has he hit you at all before? You may have to find a room somewhere you can rent..keep it private...and at least have a place you can feel safe.,...or somewhere to go when he does this.....

I think you need to make sure to give yourself options so mentally this will not defeat you....

Thanks East. I had hoped it would get better too, but....it is what it is.

I am working in getting myself better equipped if I have to literally run away. <SMFH...I am 45 years old and I am having to make plans to run away....> I am currently working to get my new business off the ground (which has been chock-full of unexpected complications...), and will hopefully go into operation by the last week of this month. I went and looked at an apartment last week, too...

~Beaux

[East]

Thanks East. I had hoped it would get better too, but....it is what it is.

I am working in getting myself better equipped if I have to literally run away. <SMFH...I am 45 years old and I am having to make plans to run away....> I am currently working to get my new business off the ground (which has been chock-full of unexpected complications...), and will hopefully go into operation by the last week of this month. I went and looked at an apartment last week, too...

~Beaux

I am glad to hear that Beaux ((()))......I did hope that you had thought of that...you need to have a place to go.....

Ah.,..the business thing...ARRRGGHHHH

Always expect the unexpected....

[Beaux]

I am glad to hear that Beaux ((()))......I did hope that you had thought of that...you need to have a place to go.....

Ah.,..the business thing...ARRRGGHHHH

Always expect the unexpected....

Well, there is the unexpected and the willfully deceptive....I have been waiting for over a month for the delivery of a food-service trailer I ordered from China. I emailed my customs broker repeatedly asking for an estimated delivery time, but he never responded. I found out today, that the broker didn't accept delivery when the ship made port here in Charleston and that my trailer has been sitting in a warehouse in NY for the last 5 days...
Now, I have to pay $600 to the shipping company for warehousing, AND still pay my customs agent his fee before I can make pickup....
I intend to file suit against my customs agent as soon as all of this is sorted.

~Beaux

[East]

Well, there is the unexpected and the willfully deceptive....I have been waiting for over a month for the delivery of a food-service trailer I ordered from China. I emailed my customs broker repeatedly asking for an estimated delivery time, but he never responded. I found out today, that the broker didn't accept delivery when the ship made port here in Charleston and that my trailer has been sitting in a warehouse in NY for the last 5 days...
Now, I have to pay $600 to the shipping company for warehousing, AND still pay my customs agent his fee before I can make pickup....
I intend to file suit against my customs agent as soon as all of this is sorted.

~Beaux

Oh man...so frustrating .....

I am glad you are going to file suit.....

...any reason why he didn't accept delivery?

[Beaux]

Oh man...so frustrating .....

I am glad you are going to file suit.....

...any reason why he didn't accept delivery?

He has been a twat from the start.

About 10 days after I hired him, I called his office and asked for an estimated time of delivery. He was rude on the phone, and told me he only communicated through email. So...I emailed him. Twice. He never responded.

I knew already that the carrier would deliver in 18-25 days, so as we reached the outset of the 25-day mark, I got frustrated and called his office again.

He claimed he never got my emails, but that there were papers that he hadn't gotten from the manufacturer, and that I had to get them for him....so I got the papers (from China!) within 24 hours. That was 6 days ago.

This morning I get an email from the manufacturer asking why I didn't make pickup when the ship docked in Charleston....

As though I don't have enough going on already.

~Beaux

[East]

He has been a twat from the start.

About 10 days after I hired him, I called his office and asked for an estimated time of delivery. He was rude on the phone, and told me he only communicated through email. So...I emailed him. Twice. He never responded.

I knew already that the carrier would deliver in 18-25 days, so as we reached the outset of the 25-day mark, I got frustrated and called his office again.

He claimed he never got my emails, but that there were papers that he hadn't gotten from the manufacturer, and that I had to get them for him....so I got the papers (from China!) within 24 hours. That was 6 days ago.

This morning I get an email from the manufacturer asking why I didn't make pickup when the ship docked in Charleston....

As though I don't already have enough going on alread.

~Beaux

What an asshole...that sucks.....

I would definitely file a case against him.....

Hopefully this will pass soon and you can get your business up and running.

I will be promoting a show this next year (YIKES) and part of it will be to get the gourmet food trucks...it's a big thing now. I have a street set aside for them already...but getting all the fucking papers and permits in order is a nightmare...