First sex - How to have it safe but still hot?

[Anonymous]

Before the first time, I wonder how much you really can prepare to stay safe, and still make it hot for both.

In my fantasy, of course I'd love to ignore STI and let him cum in my mouth, but I know that's very risky.
In my fantasy, I'd fuck him with condoms, but my cock doesn't really get hard enough I'm afraid (and not everyone is into it).
In my fantasy, I'd love to be sucked by him, but even that is considered risky I heard.
And I don't want to bottom, that's for sure.

So what's left really? Jerking off each other, that's not sex in my opinion?

And what do I really want?

When I am masturbating to a hot pic, I often imagine how it would be to be with the guy, but then I don't know what I wanna do really.
I'd like to cum on his chest or his face... but then I'd not be close to him during orgasm.... I guess I want to be close to him, suck his nipples, feel his hot body, have my head close to him, that's not possible when I'm cumming on him...

and with sperm flying uncontrolled through the room, that's not safe either, because it can land in my asshole or on my cock or in other holes...

I'm really quite running out of options in my fantasy that are kinda safe but still hot and rewarding!

I wish I could go into my first sex relaxed enough to live out my lust, and without constantly having to think "omg is this safe?"... but then I want to stay safe... any ideas?

[Cuddly]

Relax buddy.

Firstly sex is not just about what you want. It's a compromise of two (or more) people's desires.
Secondly cum flying wildly through the room and somehow landing directly in your bloodstream is extremely unlikely.

As for mutual masturbation, it's hot as hell. You're touching and kissing each other while potentiale climaxing together. Then cum really does fly everywhere. Might even get your next-door neighbour pregnant.

Just relax and don't do something you'll regret.

[LONDONER]

Secondly cum flying wildly through the room and somehow landing directly in your bloodstream is extremely unlikely.

Cuddly, you crease me up at times. Thanks.

[Insertnamehere]

Well, if you both want to try unprotected anything, then by all means, get tested! Why leave it at chance, when you can actually know?

Of course, in my view, unprotected sex is a thing better left to long term monogamous couples, if at all, but meh, that's jut me.

[MikeW]

Well, Mr. Anonymous, you need to educate yourself about safe sex. That's clear from what you posted. Who told you oral sex is "risky".... "risky" by what measure?

Walking out your door is "risky". You could get run over by a buss or bitten by a dog or stung by a bee. Staying home is "risky". It might get hit by a tornado or a meteor or an earthquake. Breathing is "risky". You might breath in something toxic or some polonium or some such shit.

IOW... educate yourself. Know HOW "risky" something is or isn't.

I lived with an HIV+ man for years... had unprotected oral sex... I am negative. We even had unprotected anal sex... when his viral load was near undetectable... and he never came inside me. NOW.... I'm not recommending that to anyone. It was "risky" no doubt. But the point I'm making is, if you haven't read the literature from authentic sources that explain what is and is not "risky"... then that right there is just RISKY!!!

[Anonymous]

Different comments about safer sex is just the most confusing thing ever.

I heard people state that sucking a stranger's cock without condom would be a huge risk to my health. (here on the forum)
Then my friends swallow, and you compare it to going out of the house.

I am just lost in confusion, and in the end I'd do what's the safest, but that probably means that he'd get bored and goes away. Fine. Better than catching an STI. That means no sex then..

unless we get tested, but who says he'll say the truth about his results? Don't we have to enclose ourselves for three months after getting tested?

I'm just lost, really lost... I guess most people don't think as much about it as I do.. and then they catch an STI... one of my best friends recently got his result, HIV positive, because he trusted his friend to be negative when he stated it.

[East]

You are gonna die of something whether you get laid or not.....

[MikeW]

Different comments about safer sex is just the most confusing thing ever.

Google has been invented. I would say the "authority" on the subject is the CDC: http://www.cdc.gov/msmhealth/hiv.htm

Excerpt:

Your chances of getting HIV from oral sex are much less than from anal or vaginal sex. You have the most chance of getting or giving someone HIV from anal sex. If you are HIV-negative, insertive anal sex (topping) is less risky for getting HIV than receptive anal sex (bottoming). You won’t get HIV or give it to someone else from sexual activities that do not involve exchanging body fluids.

[MikeW]

Here's a longer version of the INFO re oral sex:

Penile-Oral Sex

Of the different sex acts, the one that often causes the greatest amount of confusion in terms of risk – and raises the greatest number of questions – is penile-oral sex. The fact is, most experts agree that fellatio, sometimes referred to as "blow jobs," is not an efficient route of HIV transmission. However, this does not mean that it cannot happen.

Research attempting to evaluate the risk of fellatio has often faced important limitations. For starters, very few people participating in studies only engaged in penile-oral sex. Many people also had unprotected vaginal or anal intercourse, making it very difficult to determine if unprotected fellatio is an "independent factor" associated with HIV transmission. There are also people who test positive for HIV and claim that unprotected fellatio was their only risky behavior. However, it's virtually impossible to know if these people are always reporting their sexual behavior accurately. (Study volunteers often have a difficult time admitting the truth about potentially embarrassing behavior to healthcare professionals conducting scientific studies.)

Because unprotected fellatio can mean that body fluids from one person can (and do) come into contact with the mucosal tissues or open cuts, sores, or breaks in the skin of another person, there is a "theoretical risk" of HIV transmission. "Theoretical risk" means that passing an infection from one person to another is considered possible, even though there haven't been any (or only a few) documented cases. This term can be used to differentiate from documented risks. Having unprotected receptive anal or vaginal intercourse with an HIV-positive partner is a documented risk, as they have been shown in numerous studies to be an independent risk factor for HIV infection. Having unprotected oral sex is a theoretical risk, as it is considered possible, but has never been shown to be an independent risk factor for HIV infection in studies.

Here's a good way to think about theoretical risk: In theory, it is possible that while walking down the street, a meteor will fall on your head and kill you instantly. This is because meteors do occasionally fall to earth. People live their lives above ground, so there is a theoretical risk of being hit be a meteor. In fact, there have been reports of a few people being hit by meteors. But because the risk is so small, given that few meteors fall to earth and the large number of inhabitants of this planet, the risk is purely theoretical. The same principle holds true with oral sex – millions of people all over the world are believed to engage in unprotected oral sex and there have only been a handful of documented cases of HIV transmission. In turn, fellatio, and other types of oral sex (see below), remains a theoretical risk for HIV infection.

There have been a number of studies that have closely followed MSM and heterosexual couples, in which one partner was HIV positive and the other partner was HIV negative. In all of the studies, couples that used condoms consistently and correctly during every experience of vaginal or anal sex – but didn't use condoms during oral sex – did not see HIV spread from the HIV positive partner to the HIV negative partner.

There have been three case reports and a few studies suggesting that some people have been infected with HIV as a result of unprotected oral sex. However, these case reports and studies all involved MSM – men who were the receptive partners (the person doing the "sucking") during unprotected oral sex with another HIV-positive man. There haven't been any case reports or studies documenting HIV infection among female receptive partners during unprotected oral sex. Even more importantly, there hasn't been a single documented case of HIV transmission to an insertive partner (the person being "sucked") during unprotected oral sex, either among MSM or heterosexuals.

Is insertive oral sex a possible route of HIV transmission? Yes. But is it a documented risk? Absolutely not.

Source: http://www.aidsmeds.com/articles/Transmi...9927.shtml

[starlight]

This is something that needs to be judged on a case by case situation in my view in regards to catching things as maybe take the view that everything is risky so make sure your safe always, then if you decide to meet that person again and things happen gradually as you get to know them you can be more open with them as in not using protection. When i gave similar advice on another forum site i was shouted down so i dunno how much worth my advice is here, if at all on subject.