Why Don't I like sex?

[haroldfruit]

Hi Guys

New to the forum. I admit to feeling very isolated/unique in the gay world for my feelings toward sex.

I gave up sex over 10 years ago because I just wasn't enjoying it. I gave it a good shot with a few relationships and one night stands but I never liked it, It always seemed like I was doing something to please someone so they'd be satisfied... and I dreaded it so much that having a relationship just wasn't worth it for the angst it caused.

I've had a happy and free 10 years. I have a very stimulating 'personal' sex life.... In fact have quite a high sex drive.... but I prefer to do it alone with my own fantasies. so i'm definitely not asexual... which I have explored.

It seems most people are the opposite and if there was a choice between real sex and masturbation - they'd go with sex every time. its worth Noting that I can never get an erection with someone present... but on my own its instant!

When I think of sex i just think STRESS. the stress of another person, expectations, judgements, physical discomfort (hot/sweaty/someone in a bed with me) climbing all over me, body anxiety issues.......and I've also got to find them attractive.....and I'm quite picky myself!

Going forward I would like a relationship.... I'm completely up for intimacy, and crave cuddles and kissing and holding hands....its just when they reach for my genitals that issues start!

It feels that My sexual self has separated from intimacy/romance etc ... and is its own entity!

I wonder if its my subconscious telling me I should be alone ... but then why can't I just be happy being single and stop romantically lamenting/dating

[East]

It seems to me you want complete control...and you have it now. I think you have made the right decision to be single and sex free. In fantasy....the other person has to be whatever you decide they are which by your own admission you prefer.....
...so you have the perfect arrangement right now IMO.....

[Cobalt]

Okay let's get down to the real issue. It's not about sex. Sex is what you're choosing to see the problem as. It's like you're wondering why the kitchen looks like a mess after you threw 20 gallons of milk all over the place. You're fixated on the end result: there's a whole lot that led up to this. My suggestion? A therapist. I would not bother with a sex therapist, as I said I truly believe sex is not the issue. I'm not educated enough on you or psychology to tell you if it's self loathing, social anxiety, perfectionism, etc. but from the little information you did provide, I highly doubt the issue here is sex. There's underlying problems here and I think if you want to be happy, in every area of your life, you need to explore with a certified therapist what those issues are.

[LONDONER]

After reading the OP I was going to write to suggest a professional therapist but scrolling down I see that Cobalt got there before me.

[Bhp91126]

I don't think there is anything wrong with you, so maybe therapy would be overkill. I'm asking lots of questions, not necessarily for you to answer them but thinking them over.

What is sex for you? Only full on intercourse or everything leading up to it as well, like, kissing, making out, mutual masturbation, blow-jobs, rimming, wrestling, etc? Do some parts seem ok for you and others not?

Do you dislike pressure to get off and/or getting him off?

You said, your fantasies mixed with masturbation is enough to get you off. Have you tried to realize your fantasies IRL? What happens? Why doesn't that work?

[thawoods]

Why would anyone give up on sex? >>>>> : )