Frustrated...

[ChrisH]

We've been dating for nearly four months, and for the last two months, we've been trying to introduce sexual activities every other time we're together. It's rather frustrating however.

We've tried mutual masturbation, and protected oral sex. The issue it seems is that we can't seem to get comfortable with any of it, and he tends to lose his erections quicker than they arise. I can maintain one but he has yet to make me come. We've talked about it, we definitely do not feel ready for anal penetration (as we're both vers), we feel that if we do that, it could wreck a good thing. (It could also do the opposite as I'm aware but he doesn't think it's the time to go "all the way" and I agree).

I'm just really tired and really frustrated that we can't seem to sexually please each other. I don't want to introduce porn into this just to sexually please each other. We've gone as long as two hours trying to have fun but...nothing.




Are we simply just not sexually compatible in this relationship? Does such a thing exist?

[Borg69]

Good god. Sex is supposed to come naturally and be fun and feel good. You're treating it like an obstacle to conquer with directions in some foreign language... like putting together Ikea furniture.

Are you guys in love, or just lab partners?

Loosen up and relax! Take time to enjoy it. Sleep together. Naked. Touching skin to skin. Spoon.

Let nature take its course.

[meridannight]

I don't want to introduce porn into this just to sexually please each other. We've gone as long as two hours trying to have fun but...nothing.

actually, maybe that is the place to start. i don't really know what the problem is with your two, but if you can't feel comfortable enough with each other in order to make each other feel good, then maybe you could start with the porn.

i usually wouldn't advise so, but it is a way to let go of tension and maybe you can both get worked up enough to finish each other off. next time should be easier after that. just don't make it a habit.

[TwisttheLeaf]

Does sexual incompatibility exist? Absolutely. Arousal is more than just stimulation with a happy ending. Sexual chemistry is, in many cases, -actual- chemistry. Scents that trigger an unconscious primal response, for example.

That said? You both sound a little uptight and stressed. It's not a race, yeah?

[Darius]

Why not just stick to sex play with no pressure to cum? Just be playful in a relaxed way, play with boners, do oral, manual, kiss, hug and if you don't cum, don't worry about it. Maybe when you are relaxed enough with each other you won't have any problems. Don't force anything.
Have you guys just tried jacking off with each other, each doing your own dick?

[princealbertofb]

Hi, [MENTION=17666]ChrisH[/MENTION], introducing sex into a relationship doesn't necessarily bring results, especially in the beginning, so it would seem you have to lower your expectations a little. We tend to measure the 'rightness' of a sexual situation by what we are capable of arousing in ourselves when we self-service our equipment. We know how our bodies work and we've had plenty of exploration to make it happen in the way we like it.

It is quite a different thing when you introduce a partner into the game. A bit like adding a new item to your own sex play, this is an element to get used to, but at the same time it's also a new element whose own rules and idiosyncracies your have to take into account. What I mean by that is that you can't expect things to happen quite the same way as you would handle them if it was just you bringing yourself to your own gratification. So part of a thriving sex life in a partnership is learning to appreciate your partner's body, their needs and to learn how they like to be serviced. Maybe you two need to have a bit more conversation.

Maybe your friend is not yet very comfortable with his own body, maybe you are both under stress because you both feel you need to 'perform'. But perhaps, as some have suggested, it would only be a question of getting used to being together on a skin-to-skin basis first. Or maybe you both enjoy to do the deed dressed, or partly dressed.

I would advise that you stay away both from cigarettes and alcohol (pre-emptively) because they can both lower your libido and level of performance, especially if you are anxious.

Other things that can kill libido are worry, fear of getting caught, fear of guilt and also medication for antidepression. Does your partner have any of this going for him? Have you?

You could enjoy a hot shower or bath together, maybe, just lying together spooning, and caressing or kissing, or watching a romantic movie together? Some things manage to take your mind off the performance and sometimes lead into sex. Music, and dancing could also be part of the foreplay... as well as stripping...

[princealbertofb]

We've been dating for nearly four months, and for the last two months, we've been trying to introduce sexual activities every other time we're together. It's rather frustrating however.

We've tried mutual masturbation, and protected oral sex. The issue it seems is that we can't seem to get comfortable with any of it, and he tends to lose his erections quicker than they arise. I can maintain one but he has yet to make me come. We've talked about it, we definitely do not feel ready for anal penetration (as we're both vers), we feel that if we do that, it could wreck a good thing. (It could also do the opposite as I'm aware but he doesn't think it's the time to go "all the way" and I agree).

I'm just really tired and really frustrated that we can't seem to sexually please each other. I don't want to introduce porn into this just to sexually please each other. [COLOR="Magenta"]We've gone as long as two hours trying to have fun but...nothing.
[/COLOR]



Are we simply just not sexually compatible in this relationship? Does such a thing exist?

The sentence in pink worried me a little. Did you really consider those two hours as wasted time? Did you really get NO fun or do you just mean that neither of you managed an ejaculation? Those are two quite different things. I have had sex which didn't end in ejaculation and other than being tired I've never felt that it was NO fun... I've enjoyed each minute of it. That ejaculation wasn't a part of it didn't make the session any less enjoyable or fun. So do you really mean NO FUN ???

[drobs]

Cialis works.

My 1st year contracting overseas, I came off the project for vacation, flew into Dubai with a whole bunch of older male co-workers. Their 1st stop at the Dubai airport was to the Pharmacy to buy Cialis or Viagra. Their thought was "gotta keep the wife happy." In the Dubai airport - no prescription is required.

I figured I'd give it a try. Expensive but it works. You have to get it started - jerk it a little, but then you're good to go.

Might have the boyfriend ask his doctor about getting some - or you ask your doctor for some.

[TigerLover]

Do you know why martial artists practice the same technique again and again and again?
It's so that the move becomes natural and the sub-conscious controls it instead of the conscious mind. That way during fights the body reacts automatically and the fighter doesn't have to think through every single movement. This results in a massive boost in reaction speed and accuracy.

But it's possible for the fighter to freeze up. Sometimes the conscious mind fixates on what can go wrong in a fight, the negative consequences. This stops the sub-conscious from taking over. That's why sports pundits talk about boxers and mma fighters having to recover from their defeats.

What does this have to do with your sex life?

The same thing is happening to you. You're so worried that you're gonna disappoint him, that somethings wrong with you or that you're not compatible. These thoughts buzzing around in your head stirs up anxiety, stops you from relaxing and so suppresses that part of your brain that responds to sexual stimuli.
You need to take of all that pressure and get rid of this anxiety.

Here's my advice. Get together in one of your bedrooms get naked and just cuddle up on the bed under the blankets. Don't try to have sex, don't try not to have sex. Just focus on feeling of his body. Lose yourself in the sensations and forget your concerns.
You may end up having sex or you may not it doesn't matter. No pressure.

In this way you can train you're brain to comfortable naked around him and to be comfortable touching him. Diffusing that anxiety.