Jealousy in friendships / partnerships

[Anocxu]

What's the Grand Difference between Envious and Jealous?


If you switched the topic around. .
Your opening post still reveals the context..

[meridannight]

Yeah, I know now, I am really sorry but I can't edit my opening post / topic anymore. I only meant envy, not jealousy.
It got lost in translation, as I obviously picked the wrong English word for the German word that I meant.

you don't have to apologize. i didn't read anything but your opening post, so i didn't know you guys had already gone through the differentiation.

[azulai]

Yeah, I know now, I am really sorry but I can't edit my opening post / topic anymore. I only meant envy, not jealousy.
It got lost in translation, as I obviously picked the wrong English word for the German word that I meant.

Please don't beat yourself up over this. We understand and you need to let it go. It is a good topic of discussion.

[Aquarius]

I don't know anymore. I think noone who's having a job can ever respect me.

My (supposedly) best friend from school days just texted me for the first time in months, and already he again began to pick on me because I don't have a job, that I have "always holidays", bla bla...
if even my best friend who knows me for 25 years treats me like this... how am I supposed to expect respect from anyone else.

Seems I can only be friends with people who don't work. Sad but seems to be true...

[Insertnamehere]

^ Or you can start looking for a job, any job and make a change!

[Aquarius]

How do you get through a job interview if you don't have any self esteem?

[Cridders88]

How do you get through a job interview if you don't have any self esteem?

I feel your pain Felix. That's part of the reason I have stuck with my current job for so long. Yeah, it's not the worst job in the world but it wasn't something I particularly wanted to do long term. Yet, almost 8 years later, I am still in the same job. Because the idea of finding a new job and going through the interview process again fills me with dread. I don't think much of myself, and I know that will show through in a interview, so who'd want to hire me right? Constant thoughts of doubt lead up to that interview that actually got me a job, so much so my anxiety levels went through the roof. So I can understand how you are really concerned about interviews. Yet I somehow was successful.

I don't know how I got through mine so I can't really help much. All I can say I did was to kinda blag my way through, say stuff that you know the employer will want to hear. No-one is entirely truthful in an interview. Ask THEM questions aswell, it shows a level of interest from you, and that will likely please the interviewer. The people interviewing will understand you being nervous, perhaps they won't know just how anxious you are feeling, but they will expect someone to be nervous in an interview.

Other than that, I don't have much advice. But I know where you are coming from. What I can say though, is that having a job is going to do you wonders. From reading your posts, I can see a big issue for you is a feeling of inferiority because you are unemployed. It's nerve wracking, but once you are through those interviews and in a job, it'll do wonders for you. Your anxiety is holding you back, but I know you can do it dude

[Jay]

I think a little envy is fine as it can motivate you (If you do it right). But don't get it to your head. Once envy conquers your little soul, you'll be eaten alive by it.

I like to look at the positive side and do my own thing. Everyone has a written path to success in friendship, finance, life and all. Some people take shorter time to reach them. Some people require to take twisted and longer time to get there. It's up to you on your willingness; are you willing to give your whole effort to get them?

I have a very good job with good wage and great future prospect. But my big brother leaps few miles ahead of me. He's 34 years old. He already fully paid his car, owns two houses, a very high income and all. I work hard to earn my stuff but I know my big brother works harder than me. I also acknowledged that he's wiser in managing his career, finance and future than me.

Do I envy my brother? I have no idea. But I like to see him as some sort of role model and competitor at the same time. I believe that I can be as successful as he is. I just need to work harder and smarter.

As for friendship. I had this one special friend. in 2013, I was practically his everything. He made me the happiest friend. I returned the favor. Then a third party came to mess up our friendship by spreading lies and all. My friend and I eventually fixed our relationship. But it has never been the same. He doesn't give his full attention to me anymore. He has a new close friend. He gave his attention to the new friend. It built some sort of envy in me. I confronted my friend and expressed my feelings toward him. I told his upfront that I missed him. I also confessed my envy towards his friendship with the new friend of his.

Did it help? Nope. He didn't want to hurt me so he didn't show his closeness too much with his new friend in front of me. But long story short, I caught both of them together at one night. It was exactly like a scene in a sad rom com dramatic drama. The other friend even said, "Oh, shit...hi Jay..."

I stormed out from the scene quietly.

I was stumped. I wasn't angry or sad. I just didn't know how to react at the time.

I soon realized in order to save myself from being ridiculously jealous, depressed etc. due to the friendship, I have to set myself free away from him.

I departed from the friendship. I haven't spoken to my friend for a month plus now. I'm in a happier state now and I wish my friend the same too. Our friendship/relationship is not meant to be together forever but I hope his friendship with the other guy will last better.

[matty7]

Aquarius - at least you know what personality trait your lacking in right now (self esteem) that's got to be a good start and talking about it on GS has to help reading positive replies,
Im sure there is therapy or even hypnotism courses for this but they all cost money and as your not working guess its not practical - have you searched the internet for support groups ? they have to be there im sure - I do know that UK job centres and other agency's run interview technique classes and have even advertised the fact on TV, do you have similar in Germany ?
Hope you find a solution to your problem, hopefully one of the members has some brilliant ideas for you

[Jay]

And then I realized, I went slightly off topic from the actual discussion.

I blame the food poisoning and Justin Bieber's Sorry that I've been listening to the whole day, which also due to food poisoning.

I zip my mouth now. It's 1am anyway. Nite.

My apology.