I Married A Moron

[Beaux]

The title says it all really...

My "husband" has decided he would rather spend Christmas with his parents than with me, which (tbh) I am STRONGLY in favor of.

I have BEGGED him for a divorce more times than I can count, but he says he doesn't want a divorce....despite the fact that he says I am a "pathological liar" and that I "have the mind of a child" and that he wouldn't lose his temper if I "didn't make him"...if I am so awful to live with, WHY won't he divorce me???

Tonight, he popped out with another brilliant observation: "I purchased the house the year before we got married, so if you divorce me, you won't get anything".

What an idiot. Yes, he took out the loan to purchase the house 10 months before we were legally married, but he used his veterans-loan to get it with out a down payment....SOoo...that means the first 10 months of payments are technically "his", however, all the payments after we married are community property, which he would know if he actually spoke to a lawyer....

He CLAIMS he has spoken to a lawyer, but he is lying. He is a terrible liar. The last time he claimed he had hired a lawyer, he said he had hired our estate lawyer to represent him as a divorce lawyer (which made the lie apparent, as our estate lawyer CAN NOT represent EITHER of us in a divorce due to it being a conflict of interest).

I am so sick of the lies, the fights, the screaming, the threats (and all the rest of it!) that I will GLADLY spend Christmas alone!

Hell, the ONLY reason he is even able to afford to make the trip to see his parents is because MY parents sent him $100 for Christmas!!! For the past 3 months, he has been telling anyone who would listen that *WE* we're going to be going to Louisiana for Christmas, and the whole while I kept telling him we don't have the money to go. Sure enough, as Christmas approched, our finances remained seriously strained and there simply wasn't enough money for us to make the trip. Then my parents sent us money for Christmas. I refused to make a trip when we have so many outstanding bills, but rather than pay bills he is taking "his half" of the money and going.....

At least this way I won't have another miserable Christmas.

~Beaux

[jimcrackcorn]

Being separated for a while may be what you both need right now. I always look forward to my husbands birthday because I usually buy him a plane ticket to go visit his relatives,,, which gives me a week of peace & quiet... I often joke about how it is really a present for me instead of him.

I hope you guys can find a way to move forward without any further pain.

Sincerely,
Jim

[InbetweenDreams]

Sorry to hear all that, hope things get better between you and your husband.

[Cridders88]

I'm sorry to hear that things haven't improved Beaux. I really hope they do, even if this involves you both splitting. From reading your posts, this behaviour from your husband has been going on for some time now, and as long as he continues to blame you for everything and not acknowledge how abusive he is being to you, it'll probably continue . And no-one deserves to be on the receiving end of that! I hope you find the solution that is best for the both of you soon.

I hope you have a nice peaceful xmas, this little break seems to be just what you need.

[Borg69]

Yes, your bf is a moron. No... you're not alone!

[kindy64]

You should not have to put up with the emotional abuse you are suffering through. The distance may provide some relief, but do you think it's likely to cure your husbands disordered behavior? If he doesn't even acknowledge that he's part of the problem, how are the issues going to be fixed? Don't remember if this has been suggested, but you might think about getting a small spy camera, set it up in the house, and record the verbal/mental abuse he is dishing out on you. At the least, you can show him how unreasonable his behavior is.

Now with all that said, have the two of you sought couples therapy? I don't recall from your previous threads about this.

You don't have to BEG for a divorce. If you want to divorce, you will need to move out and get the papers filed.

Arm yourself with the facts. I will tell you that you will need a retainer to get a divorce lawyer, here in Indiana that was $1800 up front. So, you might want to sit down with a lawyer and discuss with them the process of getting divorced. Initial consultations are often free, so it shouldn't be difficult to shop around and find a lawyer to find out the facts.

http://www.scstatehouse.gov/code/t20c003.php

[LJay]

Beaux, you should seriously consider initiating a divorce from your side, though you must move out and take what is yours first because it it is obvious you will only get it through legal proceedings later.

I do hope Christmas provides you some peace. Perhaps it will help him, too.

[meridannight]

sorry to hear this, Beaux. i can't possibly give you advice on what to do though. it's your relationship and only you know whether the guy is worth it.

i wish you the best for the holidays. and i hope things will get better for you and your guy.

hugs!

this comic below has no association with your situation whatsoever, but i love these heart and brain comic thingies all over the net. the heart is so damn adorable. call me silly.

[TwisttheLeaf]

This may be useful to you, man. I dunno.
http://info.legalzoom.com/happens-person...20107.html

I hate to see you going through this. In your shoes, I would have walked a long time ago. I'm guessing there must be something holding you there yeah? Something in your heart... or finances... or... I dunno.

I'm glad that you're going to get a peaceful Christmas, tho.

[Lacitis70]

Well, I'd like to ask why did you marry such a person in the first place but I guess he wasn't like that when you married him.