The secret of being an eternal optimist

[LONDONER]

Really what some people on this forum need:

http://goodmenproject.com/featured-conte...ma-hesaid/

[East]

OMG...THANK YOU FOR POSTING THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I was going to answer another part of the post asking about WHAT IS LOVE and pretty much I was going to say exactly what this guys said....

This part...I get furious when I hear people say this to me...and I have to walk away. Then I remember that their behavior will ultimately inspire someone else to be positive ...bad examples can teach other people ALOT and be a motivation to change...

I choose to live my life looking at the silver lining. Searching for the ‘frosting’ on the cake. Looking at the bigger picture.

On many occasions, people have asked me how I stay so positive all the time.

The truth, the real truth – is that…I don’t.

The general assumption is that since I can look at the positive side of any situation, I must somehow be avoiding reality. Perhaps I am too naive or too inexperienced or too used to wearing rose-colored glasses to understand the truth. Perhaps I am so blinded by what I want to see that I will not or can not see the ‘real world.’

Especially this part...this is totally my experience:

The truth, the real truth – is that…I have experienced the bad along with the good. I have had my heart broken into a million pieces. I have questioned how I was going to get up the next day. I have coped with my problems in destructive ways. I have wondered if I had the emotional capacity to push forward. I have stared into an empty glass of whisky and wondered what I did wrong. And financially – I have wondered how I was going to put enough gas in my car to get home.

I have needed to choose between just laying down, or standing up and fighting. I have needed to look at the big picture and realize that the life I want is not going to appear in front of me. Happiness…is not just going to appear in front of me.

...and this part....

To stop noticing all of the things we lack and start appreciating all of the things that we have.

To stop wasting time hating the people who hate us, and spending more time loving the people who love us.

To stop looking for problems and start searching for solutions…together.

To live, to love, to experience the journey. To turn up the volume on that song you love during your morning commute, because nobody said you are required to be miserable on your way to work.

To belt that song out so loudly your windows explode. To smile to the sulking person next to you. To say hello to the person passing by you in the grocery store. To paying for someone’s coffee when they’re behind you in line.

Nobody ever said you are required to be miserable.

The secret to being an eternal optimist is simple – you choose it for yourself.

You will become depressed, you will be sad, you will face challenges in life – but you will know each and every time that you will come out stronger on the other side. If this is you, congratulations – you can pick up your ‘Optimism’ membership card at the door.

You can be happy – eventually – regardless of what you are going through. Life will test you and challenge you, but it will never beat you.

Always remember..tough times don’t last, but tough people do.

[BlueStar]

So easy and so beautiful to speak. More pathetic quotes that make no sense. I could only wish the same for hatred, but it's not true. And no, tough people don't last, they break apart until it's too late to save them.

[Insertnamehere]

I'm not sure why I would want to be an "eternal optimist" to begin with. That sounds kinda deranged to me.

[InbetweenDreams]

I think it is good to be well, in the middle. I think a lot of people who feel unworthy are in some way programmed to think so. The bottom line is we're all a little bit fucked up, none of us are perfect and we all make mistakes and at some point make bad choices, are abused or abusive in some way at some point in time. We think we're right when we're wrong and wrong when we're actually right.

In my case I think I have "learned" to feel like I had to have something else to prove myself, whether it was having a beach body, a lot of money, my own place, a heart that is bigger than it really is....or something. I never gave much thought to make someone I really liked to PROVE their worthiness to me... I mean don't get me wrong I think I make it pretty clear when I don't like someone. I seem to not be able to let them come to me.

Not to steer this off subject, but I always hate it when someone plays hard to get. I don't think it accomplishes anything, embrace them, be honest with them. I get not rushing into things, but I can't help not to be excited about someone I really like. I don't want to feel like I am forcing someone to rush into things, and I don't want to rush into things, it isn't like I want to move in with someone right away. I think the best way to get to know someone is to just spend time with them and be able to see the things that are normally hidden. I think we try to be Mr. Perfect when we first meet someone and when it gets old doing that all the things we were trying to hide, or not do, well they come out. It isn't easy to let your guard down and I think I said something along these lines in another post, the things you find as flaws or embarrassing might be things that someone else might adore about you...and some of those things can seem to be quite odd....nothing is off limits.

However, getting back to the point I think it is good, after hearing this from someone else, to be more objective about someone else, to get out of fairy tale land and see someone for who they really are...are they worthy of having you and not worry so much about whether you're worthy of them.


I think HONESTY is the best practice, just get it out in the open, if you can't be honest from the start it will most certainly be the end.


Now...to practice what I preach (and from what others have preached ).

[MikeW]

I'm not sure why I would want to be an "eternal optimist" to begin with. That sounds kinda deranged to me.

Why do you say that?

If you're only speaking semantically, perhaps I can see your point. "Eternal" isn't accurate. But what is "deranged" about being an optimist? From what [MENTION=18508]East[/MENTION] quoted it's obvious the author isn't saying he's "happy all the time". THAT would be deranged. He's saying he chooses to not let adversity bet him, much less destroy him. So, what's "deranged" about that?

[MikeW]

...I think a lot of people who feel unworthy are in some way programmed to think so. ...

I'm trying to imagine anyone being "unworthy"... what exactly does that mean, anyway? I understand FEELING that way, yes. But what does it really mean? How could anyone BE "unworthy". So, my point here is that if anyone is feeling unworthy then they MUST have been programmed to feel that way. I don't think that's something we're born with. The only exception I can imagine to that would be someone who had committed some grievous error and was now feeling a remorse of conscience.

The bottom line is we're all a little bit fucked up, none of us are perfect and we all make mistakes and at some point make bad choices, are abused or abusive in some way at some point in time. We think we're right when we're wrong and wrong when we're actually right. ...

QFT

[MikeW]

So easy and so beautiful to speak. More pathetic quotes that make no sense. I could only wish the same for hatred, but it's not true. And no, tough people don't last, they break apart until it's too late to save them.

Life can be brutal absolutely brutal. There are parents who have seen their children slaughtered, children who have seen their parents slaughtered, people who've been tortured, in some cases literally torn limb from limb. Whole groups of people have been enslaved by other groups.

The thing is, life goes on, doesn't it? The question we each face is how do we deal with such brutality within ourselves? Do we just close off and ignore it? Do we become brutes ourselves and inflict brutality on others? Do we allow the grief of its existence to destroy us, eat us alive from within? Do we go catatonic? Do we write beautiful essays full of pathetic quotes to make ourselves and everyone else "feel better" for a bit? What do we do?

WE (humanity) do it all. That's what I see.

I have no control over what anyone else does. The only person I have any control over (and even this is sketchy) is myself. Only *I* can choose how I wish to live my life, how I wish to respond within myself to the brutality of life... or, short of such abject brutality, the aches and pains and on-oging irritations, mostly caused by the selfishness and ignorance of others of my kind.

The point being: It boils down to me. What I do. Not what anyone else does. SO what if I get shattered? SO BLODY FUCKING WHAT? What makes ME so special that I shouldn't escape the fate that awaits us all?

[Insertnamehere]

Why do you say that?

If you're only speaking semantically, perhaps I can see your point. "Eternal" isn't accurate. But what is "deranged" about being an optimist? From what [MENTION=18508]East[/MENTION] quoted it's obvious the author isn't saying he's "happy all the time". THAT would be deranged. He's saying he chooses to not let adversity bet him, much less destroy him. So, what's "deranged" about that?

To me, TO ME, it's deranged, illogical and utilimately inconsequential to spend so much time thinking about everything that may be. It serves no purpose other than distraction and the atomization of my efforts.

Oh, I don't have enough money right now and rather than staying pragmatic am I gonna start hoping for the day when I will? Nonsense! Bullshit!

Make a freaking budget and be done with it.

That's all very nice to hope and wish but how about you work with what you have at the moment and stop wasting so much bloody time in the past or the future and focus on the goddamn present moment that needs to be adressed?

I may have fucked up notions here, but optimism and negativity are both illusory pshycological needs that I deem need to be overcome.

I am not free of them myself but I try my best to be. That seems to work for me,for me

Am I fucked up and mind-wrecked? Have I gotten to be an unstable mess a few times? Sure thing. But I'm still here and functional and "staying positive" isn't what keeps me that way. That's me, though.

If that is what works for everyone else, lets say 80% of the people, I concede reason then, although I personally won't find it any less crazy, I'm sorry.

[matty7]

the way I feel right now is he can stick his silver lining up his arse for all I care - and as for "You can be happy – eventually – regardless of what you are going through. Life will test you and challenge you, but it will never beat you " he can fuck right off with that too , an optimist for me is someone who sails through life with all the luck of the Irish - what's the real worst thing that's happened to this guy...he says " I have wondered how I was going to put enough gas in my car to get home " is that the bloody worst thing he can think of - that's absolutely fuck all mate .... idiots like this make me want to vomit ,,,,that's my rant over anyway