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01-05-2016, 02:30 AM

Ok...I know a lot of new members do not know my story, and I am not going to re-iterate it. For those "in-the-know" this post is mainly intended for you. For those who aren't, feel free to ask questions, but I don't want to rehash every year...

My HIV-Positive husband, the one who has been acting crazy after his cancer diagnoisis, has suddenly decided that his HIV diagnoisis was wrong. He has no relevant medical person or personal back ground to justify this...but he doesn't believe that he is HIV positive and he thinks they mis-diagnoised him....

He also just informed me that, even though he has been prescribed a medication for Hepatitis, that he DOES'NT have Hepatitis..... Why would his doctor perscribe him the medicine then? Well, apparently THAT is a big mystery bc he DOESN'T have it.....

It is my opinion, that he realizes that he has reached the end of the road when it comes to the about of bullshit I am willing to suspend disbelief for, and he has decided to get his story ready for the next sucker. Unfortunately, I am too good a person to just say, "Let the next fool deal with it".

I am worried. What is my responsibility, to "humanity" if you will, what should I do to make sure he doesn't rope some other poor sucker into his destructive fantasy world....?

~Beaux

Camfer · 01-05-2016, 03:00 AM

I think your responsibility is to answer questions as truthfully as you can, should someone ask you about him. Other than that, if/when you leave, you need to truly leave and not try to manage his life or his relations.

Given how you describe him, he might have a very hard time 'roping some other poor sucker into his destructive fantasy world,' or finding another guy, how ever you want to phrase it. Humanity may be safe from him just because he's become so obvious. Who knows, he might end up moving to Louisiana and you stay in SC. But people are adults and can draw their own conclusions about him, however and wherever it unfolds.

01-05-2016, 03:20 AM

Beaux...simple..you can't.

I know from experience..and I got spanked good and proper for it. You see..when AIDS first began..even before they had a name for it and called it the gay plague....or God's punishment...as a bartender..I knew thousands fo guys and I knew who "had it" and watched them trot off with guys I knew didn't have it..and I was freaking out..so I started to warn people....

Not one thank you..instead they owned me and told me that it was none of my business and how did I know they hadn't told him themselves....people across the board got angry with me for not minding my own business....so I backed off and watched "stuff" happen...and people die one by one....

What I learned ...guys who lie...they are gonna get away with it.....IF they find a person who is a co-dependent type and will make excuses for them...and if he finds someone like that...you will end up being the horrible vindictive ex....which of course is NOT the case...but he will be able to paint you any way he wants with whoever he is with....

God...

Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change
The courage to change the things I can
...and the wisdom to know the difference

01-05-2016, 04:33 AM

There's nothing I can say here that East and MikeW haven't already said, man. You need to worry about yourself for once, yeah? It's time to take care of yourself and let him deal with his bullshit in his own way without you there to pick up the pieces.

LJay · 01-05-2016, 05:29 AM

Beaux, all you can do is all you can do. It is his life and he has to live it. From what you say, I honestly think that there is dementia at work here and you are over your head in dealing with it. You have to let him go his own way. The divorce is a necessity. You MUST establish legal separation so that you do not end up being responsible for his actions in any way.

It hurts. I know. I have been involved in two of these cases. One went well. One did not. It still hurts.

MikeW · 01-05-2016, 06:18 AM

I agree with everything that's been said. IF dementia is part of what is going on here, perhaps you should seek professional advice about his condition.

01-05-2016, 11:54 AM

Thanks everyone. I needed to hear some reasonable voices on this. Dementia sounds so weird when you are talking about someone who is only ~46, but I honestly cannot think of anything else it could be. The statements that come out of his mouth are INSANE (and lately, frightening).

Luckily, I have my business to keep me busy, and busy is an understatement! Unfortunately, the commercial kitchen I am leasing underwent equipment failure in the form of the walk-in refrigerator going down over the holidays and I lost the bulk of my food. So...I am having to spend the very very very last of my money to restock and try to get ready to open the cart in a new (hopefully busy!) location.

I have spent the past 3 days re-working the menu, I have added savory hand pies (Natchitoches Meat Pies, Crawfish Pies, Chicken Pot Pies, and Beef Wellington Pies), as well as fruit pies (Peach, Apple and Cherry) to the menu and I have high hopes that business will pickup.

I just pray I am able to get myself established and consistently working so I can put some distance between the two of us. The next time he has one of his outbursts or tantrums, I don't want to be around for it. I would feel much better, physically AND emotionally, if I could afford to get away from him and get some breathing room.

I hope you all have a wonderful day! Thank you for listening and sharing your advice! I need it!

Xoxo,
~Beaux

01-05-2016, 02:16 PM

It is definitely early onset dementia and it may be as a result of lesions on the brain as a result of HIV or some other condition. Several of my friends back in the early days of AIDS gradually lost their minds. Problematic psycho-social behaviours that could be overlooked when they were healthy, became more and more exaggerated and destructive as the disease took hold of their brain chemistry and structure.

All you can do is speak with the Doc.

Your guy isn't acting crazy. He is 'crazy' for want of a better term.

01-05-2016, 06:24 PM

Beaux Wrote:Thanks everyone. I needed to hear some reasonable voices on this. Dementia sounds so weird when you are talking about someone who is only ~46, but I honestly cannot think of anything else it could be. The statements that come out of his mouth are INSANE (and lately, frightening).

Luckily, I have my business to keep me busy, and busy is an understatement! Unfortunately, the commercial kitchen I am leasing underwent equipment failure in the form of the walk-in refrigerator going down over the holidays and I lost the bulk of my food. So...I am having to spend the very very very last of my money to restock and try to get ready to open the cart in a new (hopefully busy!) location.

I have spent the past 3 days re-working the menu, I have added savory hand pies (Natchitoches Meat Pies, Crawfish Pies, Chicken Pot Pies, and Beef Wellington Pies), as well as fruit pies (Peach, Apple and Cherry) to the menu and I have high hopes that business will pickup.

I just pray I am able to get myself established and consistently working so I can put some distance between the two of us. The next time he has one of his outbursts or tantrums, I don't want to be around for it. I would feel much better, physically AND emotionally, if I could afford to get away from him and get some breathing room.

I hope you all have a wonderful day! Thank you for listening and sharing your advice! I need it!

Xoxo,
~Beaux

MMMM..... would love to try some of your pies... crawfish pie sounds, interesting. sorry about your inventory loss, that must suck. If only you had a kickstarter to donate to, I could afford to send $50 or $100 to see a budding business keep going.

There's really nothing you can do about your husband (stbx?) You're not going to put a bullet in his head, or give him gun to do it himself (you're too nice a guy.)

You are only responsible for yourself, not his future co-dependent victims.

Take care of yourself, because it doesn't sound like he's going to be taking care of either you or himself.