01-09-2016, 07:24 PM
First of all, Happy new year!
Second, this new year came with a huge epiphany that solved my confusion for the past 10 years. It took me literally 10 years to figure this out and finally I know what's up.
You know, my family they love me, care about me and wish good for me, but I'll tell you this..
Even though they love me, they don't want me to have a character, a mind, dreams, an opinion, attitude, spirit, personality... They don't want me to strive for the best and be great. They expect me to do everything for them and ask nothing of them except for food, water, sleep and a very small amount of money. They want me a living corpse but dead on the inside. They want me a robot. They don't want me human. That's why I've been confused about them always thinking bad of me and putting me down yet caring for me when something really bad happens to me. They're not even aware of this, it remains in their subconscious mind. It is automatic and built in. I don't know what to call this but it is the way they are. That's how they all are, even my mom. She isn't who I thought she was and no longer the person I look up to. Turns out that she didn't stick around only for us. She's actually still in love with my dad which makes it all that fucked up. She still cares for him and still hopes for him that one day, he will come home to her, drop on his knees and apologize to her. Sweep her off her feet and they will live happily ever after like some fucking Disney fantasy. She's so delusional and hopeless. How the fuck is that even possible? These people are so conflicted and contradicting it doesn't make sense at all to me. I don't understand this and I never will. They all feed each other with toxic love and on each other's negativity. It is love yet toxic. That taught me that love isn't always good for you. Even unconditional love doesn't mean it doesn't do you harm. That epiphany changed my whole attitude towards them and the way I treat them. I have officially disconnected myself from my family and no longer depend on them for anything or expect them to be there at all for me even when they are actually there. They cannot be changed. I can just accept them the way they are for my own inner peace's sake, stay as far away as possible and keep my distance from them until I leave them for good. When I do. I'll deactivate my facebook account, get rid of my phone number and cut all ways of communication to them. Sounds about damn right.
Second, this new year came with a huge epiphany that solved my confusion for the past 10 years. It took me literally 10 years to figure this out and finally I know what's up.
You know, my family they love me, care about me and wish good for me, but I'll tell you this..
Even though they love me, they don't want me to have a character, a mind, dreams, an opinion, attitude, spirit, personality... They don't want me to strive for the best and be great. They expect me to do everything for them and ask nothing of them except for food, water, sleep and a very small amount of money. They want me a living corpse but dead on the inside. They want me a robot. They don't want me human. That's why I've been confused about them always thinking bad of me and putting me down yet caring for me when something really bad happens to me. They're not even aware of this, it remains in their subconscious mind. It is automatic and built in. I don't know what to call this but it is the way they are. That's how they all are, even my mom. She isn't who I thought she was and no longer the person I look up to. Turns out that she didn't stick around only for us. She's actually still in love with my dad which makes it all that fucked up. She still cares for him and still hopes for him that one day, he will come home to her, drop on his knees and apologize to her. Sweep her off her feet and they will live happily ever after like some fucking Disney fantasy. She's so delusional and hopeless. How the fuck is that even possible? These people are so conflicted and contradicting it doesn't make sense at all to me. I don't understand this and I never will. They all feed each other with toxic love and on each other's negativity. It is love yet toxic. That taught me that love isn't always good for you. Even unconditional love doesn't mean it doesn't do you harm. That epiphany changed my whole attitude towards them and the way I treat them. I have officially disconnected myself from my family and no longer depend on them for anything or expect them to be there at all for me even when they are actually there. They cannot be changed. I can just accept them the way they are for my own inner peace's sake, stay as far away as possible and keep my distance from them until I leave them for good. When I do. I'll deactivate my facebook account, get rid of my phone number and cut all ways of communication to them. Sounds about damn right.
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Libra
![[Image: 05onfire1_xp-jumbo-v2.jpg?quality=90&auto=webp]](https://static01.nyt.com/images/2016/08/05/us/05onfire1_xp/05onfire1_xp-jumbo-v2.jpg?quality=90&auto=webp)
Sagittarius
