Getting my feet wet; your advice?

[just4fun]

How hard would it be to find a person or people willing to hang out first or just let me watch before engaging?

[MikeW]

How hard would it be to find a person or people willing to hang out first or just let me watch before engaging?

You do realize it is impossible for anyone to answer your question, right? I'm sure many of us would like to be supportive but you're not giving us anything to work with here. Are you in a city? Suburb? Rural? What region of the US? Have you had any sexual experiences at all? What exactly are you looking for or fearful of? The more information you can give us about yourself and your situation, the more likely we'll be of genuine help.

[LONDONER]

How hard would it be to find a person or people willing to hang out first or just let me watch before engaging?

What are you hoping to watch?

[just4fun]

Are you in a city? What region of the US?

Have you had any sexual experiences at all?

What exactly are you looking for or fearful of?

City of fifty thousand in North-Central MA - I've been with women sure but never with men. I'm fearful of disease, exercising restraint, blackmail, and being outed as curious. I'm not attracted to men, I never have been; my heart and mind fall for women. I'm single, open-minded, and I'd like to experience something exciting.

[MikeW]

How hard would it be to find a person or people willing to hang out first or just let me watch before engaging?

Alright, so my GS account received a reply to my question above. It says it was a "deleted post" but it says that when it has held a post for moderation, too. The system is set up to thwart trolls so it randomly puts newbie posts in a moderation cue. Since you quoted me, though, it sends me the reply via email.

In your reply you've told me you've been with women, your not attracted to men, looking for something exciting. You give me some idea where you are, US North East, in a nice-size but not large city and you're fearful of disease, and being outed as "curious".

My first suggestion is that you just hang out with us here on this forum for a while. Get to know some of us a bit. We mostly identify as "gay," there may be a few bisexuals. There have been at times in the past even straight but gay friendly men who've posted here. Haven't seen one recently.

GS isn't a "hookup" type site. We're more a social club / community. Not saying there's no hanky-panky going on. May very well be, but it's not the focus of what goes on here.

How hard would it be to get what you want, safely and discreetly? Probably not as difficult as you might think. *Especially* if you're a good looking young man.

How to go about it? Well... perhaps some of the younger guys on this (or other) forums might be able to answer that question better than I can. You might see if there is any action in the "men seeking men" section of craigslist nearest you. Just make a post, be very clear about what you want and what you don't want. Include a picture of some sexy torso shot. Then sift through whatever replies you get. Another way would be to DL an app like Grinder, Scruff, or Hornet. Make a profile, again with an enticing photo that doesn't show your face, and describing yourself in brief, "Straight, gay curious, looking for safe discrete fun..."

As a general rule, it is a good idea to meet anyone your interested in hooking up with in a public place, like a coffee shop, prior to doing anything. Having a face to face will tell you more about wether you feel "safe" or "comfortable" with this person. Short of that, sometimes people use Skype or FaceTime or some such. As for not getting diseases, well you're not likely to get sick from a blow job... especially receiving but not even likely if you're reciprocating. Butt sex, yeah, best use a condom, especially if you're bottoming.

As for blackmail... IDK... I've been out so long I can't even imagine that happening. Who really cares anymore what any of us do or with whom? Then again, it depends, I suppose on whether or not you're married or in some sort of public job or politics or who knows what. I guess what I'm saying is, in general, I just don't see that as something to worry too much about. But if you're in some special circumstance where it IS something to worry about, then I have to ask why the hell you're risking being outed just for an "exciting" experience. Especially if you're not even attracted to men. I just can't wrap my head around that one.

Anyway, feel free to just hang out with us. See if that helps you get more comfortable. There's nothing wrong with wanting to have sexual fun, however you want to do it, so long as it is among adults, mutual and conceptual. If you're looking for a particular "scene" ... very likely its out there somewhere. It may not be local unless you're in a large city. The rest of it is just a matter of putting out some feelers, seeing what responses you get, sorting through those carefully, and making responsible adult decisions.

Welcome to GS If you have more questions, don't hesitate to ask.

[LJay]

Good post, Mike, though the word might well be consensual rather than conceptual there toward the end.

OP, this is hardly a site for getting your kicks. Have you tried gay porn online? It may tell you just how much you want to participate after watching.

[MikeW]

Good post, Mike, though the word might well be consensual rather than conceptual there toward the end.

OP, this is hardly a site for getting your kicks. Have you tried gay porn online? It may tell you just how much you want to participate after watching.

Damned autocorrect. *shakes head*

[Camfer]

Maybe a gay bathhouse is the simplest answer to the OP. You go in, you watch whatever you want, do whatever you want, then leave. Completely anonymous to any of the guys there, but ID checked to get in. Can't get any easier or less complicated than that. You have to be 18 or older.

Regardless of how you go about exploring this, be sure to use condoms if there's any anal sex.

[LONDONER]

How to go about it? Well... perhaps some of the younger guys on this (or other) forums might be able to answer that question better than I can. You might see if there is any action in the "men seeking men" section of craigslist nearest you. Just make a post, be very clear about what you want and what you don't want. Include a picture of some sexy torso shot. Then sift through whatever replies you get. Another way would be to DL an app like Grinder, Scruff, or Hornet. Make a profile, again with an enticing photo that doesn't show your face, and describing yourself in brief, "Straight, gay curious, looking for safe discrete fun..."

I agree, it's a good post Mike, however, as a word of warning, read this:

https://gayspeak.com/showthread.php?p=618962#post618962

[MikeW]

Thanks [MENTION=18457]LONDONER[/MENTION]. Have Hornet just for giggles but haven't used any of the others. Quoting and cross-posting for the info...

One other thing to be aware of on Grindr are the Spam/Scam messages. I wrote to Grindr about these and they feigned not to know anything. Basicaly you get a message from some guy who just says something like "How you doin' bud?" You reply and back comes a message something like: "I've just been working out and I am so horny". The messaages continue and eventually lead to a pay to view site.

Grindr says it doesn' know anything abou these but my profile was in Spanish and all the messages I received were in English. Not only that, the messages came through without the sender being online. All of their very brief profiles were more or less the same; all between 25 and 30 yerars and muscular and all of an extraordinary short stature, usually about 79 cms high!!!

What is obvious is that Grindr itself is behing these messages or at least condones them. It's not a site to be trusted under any circumstances.