Borg69 Wrote:You're definitely NOT ugly. I think the problem here is you're allowing anonymous, probably faceless people set your self worth from a hook up app. This is one of those cases where it isn't you, it's them. Some people love to use those sites to anonymously tear down those that they think wouldn't give them attention in real life. Those sites are geared more like the Cantina in Star Wars - full of the most villainous scum in all the galaxy. Anyone with an ounce of compassion, emotion, or feelings won't survive there.
There are evil people in the world who do mean things just because they can. Don't let them break you. Step away from the apps. Go out and meet REAL people, and build lasting face to face relationships.
I agree with Borg. I have not been on a dating site, but I know people who have and have read some of the negative feedback they received. It is just nasty people being nasty and they are probably fakes who get off on degrading others...probably the only way they can get off.
Anocxu Wrote:This thread is giving me low self esteem. .
If you think you are ugly..and fat .. and look like a drug addict.
I'm a busted giant fat chocolate cow...
"Don't look at my profile pic.."
"I'm hideous " !!
I'm sorry, I didn't mean to do that. I've actually seen guys who I thought were insanely attractive, and they were single for years because nobody would date them. But they lived nowhere near me. And also, they had better personalities than me.
axle2152 Wrote:Well I'm in Western NC, and the older crowd pretty much goes after whatever I guess I don't really know. I don't mind being friends with anyone but I'm not getting in bed with anyone I don't find appealing, it is not not really the age, I've seen guys my age who look "old."
But yeah you have nothing to worry about as far as your looks. But do work on smiling...I need to do the same too.
Well since I'm next to the beach, a lot of people here are older. There's barely any young people around here. I may have to move honestly. If only I had the funds and experience to...
And yeah all these older guys want is "bed" lol. Though tbh I usually don't make gay friends in real life... because they pressure me into things I don't want. I only do if they really have zero interest in me.
From what I've mostly seen though, the older guys go for younger guys. I have a friend who is my age but looks even younger than me. He can't grow facial hair and has a baby face. He agrees with me, no guys below like 40 have interest in him.
And honestly I'm not very sexual, I want more than that. Guys who only want that are wasting their time with me.
hank Wrote:Okay, Than I think finding some friends will help you out. I know it's hard, but I assume you did it before. Just try and get involved in various things. Volunteer, join an lgbt group, find social groups that share your interests. You might make some really amazing friends.
The second set of pictures you posted, you are adorable. Lighter colors look better on you. And I like your smirky smile in one if your pictures. You have deep and kind eyes. You aren't ugly at all.
I really suggest trying in person dating. Where you have pretty eyes, and your smirky smile hints at a slightly mischievous side, you don't get much information from a picture. There are other aspects to attraction. Your pheromones, the way you carry yourself, your voice. And I hate to sound hippy dippy but your energy are all halted online.
That and I have always thought of the online dating sights essay section like a resume and I believe most folks do as well. I tend to over sell myself. I'm damn good at interviewing. But puerile don't like falling in love with ideals, it's painful when they fail to deliver. So it's really pessimistic but I think it's honest. Most of what you read are lies. The good thing is, we do fall in love with people. I'm not saying best yourself up in your essay, just keep it short and sweet.
Are you a shy fellow?
I always was terrible at making friends. I'm extremely shy and have social anxiety and am very awkward. The few friends I had in NY are mere coincidence, like co-workers. I'm not good at going to social events, especially alone. I have no straight guy or female friends here. I'd really like some so that I could go to event and such without pressure.
hank Wrote:Also, I forgot to put this in my last post.
If you think about online dating it's really kind of a horrible concept. You are basically dangling a piece of bacon in front of hungry dogs. So you can't take disinterest personally. You really have to have a thick skin to be able to have any success.
Don't internalize these things. They aren't judging you, they haven't a clue who you are. They are judging some photos and a description. That isn't you. It's really your perspective of yourself and that is always skewed and in most cases it's skewed negatively. You recognize your faults a lot better than anybody else.
It's not an evaluation of you. It's just guys looking fur the perfect body and face in the profile to have sex with. And that's what online dating is. I'm not saying it's nothing else but that is what you are going to encounter more than anything. The freer the app and the easier it is to use the more you are going to see that.
There was one young guy I really liked who had interest in me. He said I was really cute after seeing him once, and wanted to meet again. But after the second time, he won't text me back. I don't know what I did wrong the second time. I know I have a horrible personality though- I'm told its even worse than I look.
This is what scares me about socializing in person- even if I look okay, my personality is more obviously bad.
Darius Wrote:I agree with Borg. I have not been on a dating site, but I know people who have and have read some of the negative feedback they received. It is just nasty people being nasty and they are probably fakes who get off on degrading others...probably the only way they can get off.
They are the losers, subdivisions, not you.
How do gay men date without the internet? That seems impossible to me. I've spent my entire life online since I was 13 years old. Even stuff not related to LGBT or dating, I do it all online. My friends are online, my life is online. I don't know how to do things in person. I'm not very likeable so it makes things hard for me.
Online dating sights are a joke, you look great
best way is just delete any online apps and just enjoy life a guy will run into you somewhere on the way no need to rush meeting someone
There is NOTHING wrong with your looks, though frankly I would get rid of the beard and loosen up on the hair a bit. Those, however, are things you can play around with until you feel good about it all. Exercise to be healthy and energetic. those things are good for confidence and frankly, that is all you need. Have a great time, smile and tell the jerks to bug off.
The internet in general and gay apps in particular can be a very cruel world. Do not internalize the immature rantings of people hiding behind screens, trying to build themselves up by tearing others down.
The 3/4 profile is best for you. Not a full profile, not facing the camera straight on. I'd tell you you're attractive, but I'm 51 years old so you don't want to hear that. The new shots and the shots in the red shirt are your better ones. Yes, your skin tone does strongly contrast with that red shirt. What's best about those shots is the angle of your face.
As quickly as you can, make friends/dates in the real world so you are free of dating apps. You'll feel better.
Best of luck is establishing a great life for yourself in your new location! You're going to be fine. A guy your age is gonna want you bad!
TomStatic Wrote:Online dating sights are a joke, you look great
best way is just delete any online apps and just enjoy life a guy will run into you somewhere on the way no need to rush meeting someone
I just don't know how else to meet men into other men... I've never done that IRL. Almost did once, the guy was bi but was taken and I soon realized we didn't have enough in common anyway. I don't really "go out and enjoy life" to be honest. It's just not my thing. So I need the internet.
LJay Wrote:There is NOTHING wrong with your looks, though frankly I would get rid of the beard and loosen up on the hair a bit. Those, however, are things you can play around with until you feel good about it all. Exercise to be healthy and energetic. those things are good for confidence and frankly, that is all you need. Have a great time, smile and tell the jerks to bug off.
PS--There are guys over 35 who are worth it.
What do you mean by "loosen up on the hair"?
And I thought most men love hairy/bearded guys... the only guys I know into smooth guys are the older guys that already hit on me, and the really domineering type and I'm not into being submissive like that. Also, my face doesn't look good without facial hair.
And yes I know there's great older guys. But I want a long-term relationship. With someone my age. Two of my relationships (out of 3) were with men over 30. It just wasn't right for me. 90% of guys I've done anything with were over 30, many 40s and even 50. So I've done enough and now I want a change. I want someone young. I can't say I didn't test the waters because I did. But I guess we all want what we can't have.
I get along best with people near my age, we have more in common, etc. It's bad enough I have no people near my age to hang out with.
Camfer Wrote:I admire your honesty here.
The internet in general and gay apps in particular can be a very cruel world. Do not internalize the immature rantings of people hiding behind screens, trying to build themselves up by tearing others down.
The 3/4 profile is best for you. Not a full profile, not facing the camera straight on. I'd tell you you're attractive, but I'm 51 years old so you don't want to hear that. The new shots and the shots in the red shirt are your better ones. Yes, your skin tone does strongly contrast with that red shirt. What's best about those shots is the angle of your face.
As quickly as you can, make friends/dates in the real world so you are free of dating apps. You'll feel better.
Best of luck is establishing a great life for yourself in your new location! You're going to be fine. A guy your age is gonna want you bad!
Honestly, in your pics, you look in your 30s. So you must be doing something right! Most of the men I see are not. Lol. They look way too old for their age. I just hope I don't become like that.
Wanting a guy near our age is cool, why not? It is off the wall to think that guys your age do not think you attractive. Just keep looking.
What I mean about the hair is that it looks like you are trying to make it behave in a certain style. I'd talk to a good hairdresser about something a little more easy going and less structured--the comb it back with your fingers sort of thing. A new haircut might just put a glint in your eye. If you don't like it you can always change it. That's what's great about hair.
But take the advice and comments only for what you think they are worth. The real trick is to go for a "Don't worry. Be happy." outlook on life. Others will notice. I saw this kid at the grocery store tonight. He kept breaking into a little dance in time with the store Muzak. He was just having a good time right there with the canned peas. It was hard not to feel better just watching him. Happy is contagious.
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And also, they had better personalities than me.
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