It's 2.13am and I want to rant. Sorry for grammar stuff cause it's already 2am. I'm tired.
My mother asked for money to fix one of the broken toilets today. I don't have problem to give her money to fix it. I gave my mother several hundreds last week to purchase a new washing machine because the old one broke down.
What bothers me is the person she's calling to fix the house. My parents have been hiring the same repairman for years; even though his work has always been a bit shady to me. Everything that the guy installed or repaired broke apart after several months. His charge was ridiculously expensive.
"Are you going to hire the same person again to fix it?" I sighed. I feel like I'm going to waste money by giving it to the repairman.
"Then who else can we hire??!! Your dad and I don't know anyone else. And we don't know if we can trust other repairmen." She claimed.
Sigh. There are countless of repairmen out there. My mom in particular just doesn't want a non Muslim repairman to enter the house. My mom has a thing with non Muslims ever since she becomes religious. My Chinese friend once wanted to introduce a Chinese repairman to fix our house but my mother said no. Even after the Chinese guy offers a lower charge.
My mother is relying on me because I'm the most financially stable in the family. I have my full time job as well as my freelance job so I make quite a lot of money. Okay, my big brother has the highest income in the family but he recently has spent a lot of money for his marriage, new house and pregnant wife.
My younger brother just finished a course to be a kindergarten teacher and currently unemployed. My sister who was making her PHD just got a temporary job as a teacher in an Islamic international school. She was jobless for almost 2 years because she delayed her PHD due to sorry to say, laziness. She was busy watching KPOP (South Korean Pop) on TV and laptop every single day.
Me. I'm saving my money as much as possible in my bank account to purchase my first car and to pay the cost of my last 3 surgeries. I previously spent about $15k for my last surgeries, post surgeries etc. I want to finish my remaining surgeries for god sake.
My mother always said to my siblings that we are short of cash. I love my parents but that's what happened when you mismanaged money. Can you imagine, my dad was a trade commissioner for our country and we used to live in a huge mansion with 4 maids, 2 drivers and so on. And now our bank accounts are literally dried out. My family relies on my dad's monthly pension. His pension is not a lot.
My big brother who resides far away from our family home questioned my mother on that. "You always said that we're short of cash but you guys often spend money on unnecessary things like buying fast food or go shopping every week."
For once in my life, I actually agreed with my big brother. I never understood that. While my big brother and I haven't spoken to each other for almost 20 years; I can tell that he was also a bit suffocated by our family's drama.
I sighed to my mom. 'I'm saving my money for a car and surgeries...how much do you need to fix it?"
"I don't know. The repairman is currently calculating the cost. Look if you don't want to give money to fix it, fine. Just don't go amok with me. Your dad just threw tantrum on your sister and me. I'll sell my jewelry to pay the cost." She went. There she goes with her reverse psychology.
And there she goes again with her favorite exaggerating word; Amok. I didn't even raise my voice to her. I did sigh but that was about it. She likes to say my father and I go amok when we disagreed with her. I find that to be so irritating. I don't if she knows the actual impact of misusing the word, Amok.
My mother then left the house with my big sister and younger brother to a night market.
I was so hurt by her. But I thought as her son, I should apologize to her.
So I gave her a call. She answered but she wasn't able to hear my voice. So she hung up her phone. Or so she thought she did. She didn't. I was able to hear her voice.
She was talking to my sister about me. "Oh...now he wants to give a call to whatever it is."
Typical of my mother. She likes to talk about a person behind the person's back. She called my sister a lazy daughter to me but she wouldn't say it to my sister. She talked bad about my dad to everyone even when when my dad is sitting close to her (My dad has hearing problem so he can't hear properly). She talks bad about my younger brother, big brother, her sisters and so on. I caught my mother talked bad about me several times before.
"That does it. I can't stand it anymore." I thought.
So I sent my mother a text message via my Iphone because she likes to send religious stuff and silly videos to my phone. Every single day.
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Dear Mom,
I gave you a call to apologize and to tell you that I am fine to give $500 to you. Unfortunately you were not able to hear my voice but I was able to hear yours. You probably forgot to hang up your phone properly.
I heard everything you said about me to my sister. You talked bad about me.
You told us on how hurt you were when others talked bad about you. But did it ever occur to you that I have feelings too? You hurt my feelings by talking bad about me behind my back.
You told me to follow Islamic teaching and to read the Quran. Well the Quran says you shouldn't talk bad of a person to people around you. The Quran says don't talk unless you plan to say something good and nice.
But you hurt me by talking bad about me.
Let me tell you something. Do you know that I used to despise my face and avoided seeing mirrors for years because of you. You said that I have a sunken face? You keep reminding me that every single year. Our relatives eventually agreed with you and said the same thing to me. Strange thing is my friends and neighbors thought I have a beautiful face.
But good words don't matter when your own mother says otherwise. You destroyed my heart for years. I lost my confidence and self esteem. I hated myself because of what you said. You make me think that I'm ugly and unattractive.
I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings by saying all these. But have you ever thought of mine even once? It's not a good thing to talk bad about a person behind that person's back. Do you want me to speak bad about our family to all of my friends? I'm sure you don't.
You are fortunate because you can talk bad about me to my sister, younger brother and relatives. But I don't have that luxury. I always end up crying in my bedroom or in the gym.
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As I said, my big brother lives in his own house. My younger also has his own (He lives with his housemate). I decided to stay with my parents and sister because ...sorry to say, I am the most responsible son in the family. I decided not to move out because my dad is not doing so well as he has several illnesses. Someone has to be around in the house and to drive to hospital just in case (knock wood). My sister doesn't drive.
But I begin to think maybe it's time to be a bit selfish and move out. I love my parents but I'm so sick of mom's attitude of talking bad on everyone and self pity like she's not guilty in anything.
I haven't checked my phone to see if she replies my text message.
And now I'm talking bad about my family to others. God, this is so frustrating.
Nite.
My mother asked for money to fix one of the broken toilets today. I don't have problem to give her money to fix it. I gave my mother several hundreds last week to purchase a new washing machine because the old one broke down.
What bothers me is the person she's calling to fix the house. My parents have been hiring the same repairman for years; even though his work has always been a bit shady to me. Everything that the guy installed or repaired broke apart after several months. His charge was ridiculously expensive.
"Are you going to hire the same person again to fix it?" I sighed. I feel like I'm going to waste money by giving it to the repairman.
"Then who else can we hire??!! Your dad and I don't know anyone else. And we don't know if we can trust other repairmen." She claimed.
Sigh. There are countless of repairmen out there. My mom in particular just doesn't want a non Muslim repairman to enter the house. My mom has a thing with non Muslims ever since she becomes religious. My Chinese friend once wanted to introduce a Chinese repairman to fix our house but my mother said no. Even after the Chinese guy offers a lower charge.
My mother is relying on me because I'm the most financially stable in the family. I have my full time job as well as my freelance job so I make quite a lot of money. Okay, my big brother has the highest income in the family but he recently has spent a lot of money for his marriage, new house and pregnant wife.
My younger brother just finished a course to be a kindergarten teacher and currently unemployed. My sister who was making her PHD just got a temporary job as a teacher in an Islamic international school. She was jobless for almost 2 years because she delayed her PHD due to sorry to say, laziness. She was busy watching KPOP (South Korean Pop) on TV and laptop every single day.
Me. I'm saving my money as much as possible in my bank account to purchase my first car and to pay the cost of my last 3 surgeries. I previously spent about $15k for my last surgeries, post surgeries etc. I want to finish my remaining surgeries for god sake.
My mother always said to my siblings that we are short of cash. I love my parents but that's what happened when you mismanaged money. Can you imagine, my dad was a trade commissioner for our country and we used to live in a huge mansion with 4 maids, 2 drivers and so on. And now our bank accounts are literally dried out. My family relies on my dad's monthly pension. His pension is not a lot.
My big brother who resides far away from our family home questioned my mother on that. "You always said that we're short of cash but you guys often spend money on unnecessary things like buying fast food or go shopping every week."
For once in my life, I actually agreed with my big brother. I never understood that. While my big brother and I haven't spoken to each other for almost 20 years; I can tell that he was also a bit suffocated by our family's drama.
I sighed to my mom. 'I'm saving my money for a car and surgeries...how much do you need to fix it?"
"I don't know. The repairman is currently calculating the cost. Look if you don't want to give money to fix it, fine. Just don't go amok with me. Your dad just threw tantrum on your sister and me. I'll sell my jewelry to pay the cost." She went. There she goes with her reverse psychology.
And there she goes again with her favorite exaggerating word; Amok. I didn't even raise my voice to her. I did sigh but that was about it. She likes to say my father and I go amok when we disagreed with her. I find that to be so irritating. I don't if she knows the actual impact of misusing the word, Amok.
My mother then left the house with my big sister and younger brother to a night market.
I was so hurt by her. But I thought as her son, I should apologize to her.
So I gave her a call. She answered but she wasn't able to hear my voice. So she hung up her phone. Or so she thought she did. She didn't. I was able to hear her voice.
She was talking to my sister about me. "Oh...now he wants to give a call to whatever it is."
Typical of my mother. She likes to talk about a person behind the person's back. She called my sister a lazy daughter to me but she wouldn't say it to my sister. She talked bad about my dad to everyone even when when my dad is sitting close to her (My dad has hearing problem so he can't hear properly). She talks bad about my younger brother, big brother, her sisters and so on. I caught my mother talked bad about me several times before.
"That does it. I can't stand it anymore." I thought.
So I sent my mother a text message via my Iphone because she likes to send religious stuff and silly videos to my phone. Every single day.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Dear Mom,
I gave you a call to apologize and to tell you that I am fine to give $500 to you. Unfortunately you were not able to hear my voice but I was able to hear yours. You probably forgot to hang up your phone properly.
I heard everything you said about me to my sister. You talked bad about me.
You told us on how hurt you were when others talked bad about you. But did it ever occur to you that I have feelings too? You hurt my feelings by talking bad about me behind my back.
You told me to follow Islamic teaching and to read the Quran. Well the Quran says you shouldn't talk bad of a person to people around you. The Quran says don't talk unless you plan to say something good and nice.
But you hurt me by talking bad about me.
Let me tell you something. Do you know that I used to despise my face and avoided seeing mirrors for years because of you. You said that I have a sunken face? You keep reminding me that every single year. Our relatives eventually agreed with you and said the same thing to me. Strange thing is my friends and neighbors thought I have a beautiful face.
But good words don't matter when your own mother says otherwise. You destroyed my heart for years. I lost my confidence and self esteem. I hated myself because of what you said. You make me think that I'm ugly and unattractive.
I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings by saying all these. But have you ever thought of mine even once? It's not a good thing to talk bad about a person behind that person's back. Do you want me to speak bad about our family to all of my friends? I'm sure you don't.
You are fortunate because you can talk bad about me to my sister, younger brother and relatives. But I don't have that luxury. I always end up crying in my bedroom or in the gym.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
As I said, my big brother lives in his own house. My younger also has his own (He lives with his housemate). I decided to stay with my parents and sister because ...sorry to say, I am the most responsible son in the family. I decided not to move out because my dad is not doing so well as he has several illnesses. Someone has to be around in the house and to drive to hospital just in case (knock wood). My sister doesn't drive.
But I begin to think maybe it's time to be a bit selfish and move out. I love my parents but I'm so sick of mom's attitude of talking bad on everyone and self pity like she's not guilty in anything.
I haven't checked my phone to see if she replies my text message.
And now I'm talking bad about my family to others. God, this is so frustrating.
Nite.