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How do you deal with things that were said by your partner while he was completely out of it? When he gets really drunk he treats me like shit, calls me derogatory names, and brings up everything I've ever done wrong in our relationship.
Doesn't happen often, but this last time was really bad. He ended up calling for an ambulance because he got into a panic attack and was short of breath. His rage just kept building and building because no one would let him leave and smoke a cigarette. He eventually started getting physical with security, they put him in restraints, and later when he was going to be released, cussed out the doctor. He ended up in jail for disorderly conduct (disrupting the hospital environment,) and battery (kicking a cop while they were restraining him.)
Of course, after he sleeps it off he doesn't remember a thing about what he said or did.
I've been quiet and moody since this happened. Don't have a clue about where to start talking about this with him.
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Well if he is getting really drunk and ending up in jail for all this...I don't know that I would be tolerating that... I mean he 's the one getting drunk, it isn't like he's got epilepsy or something physiological going on... You DON'T want to stay around all this and allow it to become an abusive relationship which it sounds like to me you're kind of there...
Whether or not he remembers doing it is besides to point...he's till doing it...he's getting drunk and being a douchebag...
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I would never put up with that behavior from a partner. If he gets physically violent with police, he'll do it with you very easily.
I can't tell you what to do, but if it were me, my bags would be packed and I'd be out of there.
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Sorry, these are deal breakers. If he does not recall his behavior, the court will remind him of it with fines and jail time. You should not tolerate abuse, either verbal or physical. Get out now. Distance yourself immediately before you get beaten up.
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Some people stay in relationships hoping that things will improve. From what you recount there doesn't seem much possibility of that and I would urge you to take the advice of the others who have posted here. You are in a toxic relationship that is doing you no good.
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Some people just can't handle alcohol - but it's whether they choose to acknowledge that fact and drink moderately, or persist with reckless drinking when they have a history of incidents like this. If they value drinking enough to get in this state over a relationship then it's not a good sign.
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He's a mean drunk and it makes you wonder when his verbal abuse toward you will turn to physical violence. He needs to choose between you and the booze and you need to make that clear to him.
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If he was my partner,,the first thing I'd tell him,,,, is to stop drinking!!!!
The second thing I'd tell him,, is to start attending AA meetings.
The third thing I'd tell him,, is,,, if you get all crazy like that again,,, I'm leaving...
Sin-cerly,
Jimerooo
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You cannot reason with a drunk. Drunk is not a state of temporary being either, it's a way of life. Sounds like this partner has an addiction and is quite unhealthy.
Where do you start? At the end of this relationship, because that's where it would be if it were me. Someone who can't keep their alcohol under control doesn't need to be in a relationship. But that's up to you.
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I can only echo what the others have said here. You can't put up with behaviour like that. Some people just shouldn't drink alcohol. It may have only happened a few times as you said but the fact that it has happened more than once is enough in my opinion. That aggression that he has displayed whilst he is drunk could end up being directed towards you, as he is out of control when drunk. If he is not willing to stop getting in this state then I'd be right out of the door. Drinking for most people is a fun and social activity, he clearly has a unhealthy relationship with it, and if he can't see he needs to stop then that just leaves you open to more verbal abuse, and who knows, maybe physical.
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