Where do I start?

[Insertnamehere]

You:

1) Tell him about it. Use witnesses, cause he might not believe you

2) May you should let it happen one more time, tape the whole thing and show him.

3) Seriously, though. Keep him off the booze.

4) He seems to be packing issues that he is suppressing, to later come out when alcohol desinhibits him. He needs better ways to deal with what troubles him. I suggest a therapist.

5) Mind yourself and care about your own safety. Yes?

[Anonymous]

You:

1) Tell him about it. Use witnesses, cause he might not believe you

2) May you should let it happen one more time, tape the whole thing and show him.

3) Seriously, though. Keep him off the booze.

4) He seems to be packing issues that he is suppressing, to later come out when alcohol desinhibits him. He needs better ways to deal with what troubles him. I suggest a therapist.

5) Mind yourself and care about your own safety. Yes?

OP here,

This was supposedly a life-altering event for him. He's not done anything differently since. He was supposed to go into rehab, but didn't, blaming it on confusion between him and his mom (he's on her insurance.)

I asked him to stay away from liquor, straight stuff, not beer or wine (which even the responding cop said he should do.) He (20yo) got his cousin (22yo) to get him a fifth of vodka, as well as some vodka coolers. He's stayed up several nights drinking with another roommate (18yo) switching between the coolers and shots of vodka. I'm not participating in that anymore. I stay clear of them when they are doing this.

I told him straight up that I didn't think his main issue was pills or alcohol. I wanted him in rehab, which he promised to do, in order to find better coping skills for his issuesm which include anxiety disorder, ADHD, depression, PTSD.

So far, he thinks the lesson to learn is to avoid pills and drinking. He has 2 appointments with his lawyer for these charges, and another with his therapist, which he hasn't been to in months.

He doesn't seem to care that I could be charged next time for providing him with alcohol. Cop said even if I don't give him the alcohol, I'm allowing it, and if they get called again, it's a possibility I will be charged. I poured out everything we had, though I forgot a bottle of fireball whiskey I occasionally drank from the first night which he made a big deal of.

Next time he's doing shots I'll be clearer about why I'm not going to sit around watching him drink (because I long ago stopped drinking when he drinks.)

Thanks for the advice everyone. TO much to think about with this situation.

[East]

If he really doesn't remember a thing..he might have had a blackout....

He is going to have to address this though...one day...one way... or the other....

You can't make him stop drinking though..no matter what you say or do. You have a choice...walk away...or stay....

It won't get better on it's own..and it will happen again....and again..and again....

The problem if you stay...not only will you be on the receiving end of the abuse...you will slowly become his co-dependent..NOT a good place to be...and much harder to leave once that dynamic has happened. It is a role that is very hard to walk away from once you have taken it on.

Walking away...might be hard as hell and expect alot of guilt trips and even maybe emotional blackmail...or threats of suicide. He might want to hurt you..emotionally...mentally..even physically....

Alcohol abuse can be nasty..and if he is an alcoholic...he will be cunning....

The thing you CAN do right now for yourself..whether you decide to stay or get out...go to a meeting of Al Anon to talk about it or even just listen so you can understand the dynamics of what you are dealing with. You will not get that understanding from him or anyone else except for the other people who are in your shoes....

[Genersis]

If he's resistant to changing, enjoys binge drinking and has friends who enable and encourage him to drink; I doubt very much he's going to change in the near future.

This to me seems like a good time to consider ending the relationship, as that seems like quite an impasse. Do you think you could put up with that abuse and similar situations for years/decades to come?
Sorry to be so pessimistic. Obviously what you do next is your decision: I'm far from a relationship expert...

[LJay]

I have twice had to sever ties with friends who drank. It was terribly hard because I cared for them. One recovered, did well and is a gem of a guy. The other was last seen on a street corner with a cardboard sign. They made their decisions.

[Anonymous]

Yes, he can completely black out. Usually has to have an additional stressor besides alcohol, usually when something upsets or angers him. He's also bi-polar. When he's past drunk, his emotions will often flow uncontrolled, either really down, or really angry. This is about the third or fourth time he's gotten drunk enough, and angry enough that he has blacked out.

I've prepared "the talk" with him, or at least part of one. Basically I'm telling him I'm not going to be drinking with him because he's only ever one text or facebook post away from being an angry drunk, and he treats me like shit when he gets like that.

He knows where I stand on rehab and counseling. I know he has to want to change for it to have any chance. We will see where things go.

[ceez]

I have to agree with the other posts here, tell him it's either rehab or you walk. It doesn't look like it would be worth it if you stayed, especially if you could face jail time.

[matty7]

well he sounds like he could be alcoholic which is a disease and so he's gonna have to get help if he wants to quit - but until he hits rock bottom then the chances of him stopping drinking are not great - he needs to hit his lowest point by doing something shamefully bad or even drinking himself critical ill...something so severe that her realises its time to stop....you could try an intervention if you can get others involved....or you could arrange to see a counsellor and go with him as support - good luck with anything you decide to do though

[Anonymous]

we will see... he met with a lawyer yesterday and I think woke up a little more to the consequences. he is meeting today with his therapist today so we will see how that goes.

[matty7]

That's good news about seeing a lawyer and seeing the therapist - maybe they can get through to him that the path he's on leads to nothing but bad things.....its a great first step at least