I'm in a relationship

[Si.sehc1]

Hi All

I'm in a straight relationship, 35 with thwo children. I definatly know through the way i feel that I am attracted to men and women. This feeling has been getting stronger lately and I am constantly thinking about having gay sex. I feel that I am deniying myself something if I dont have gay sex, what do I do? I feel that I cant wait to experience this. I am constantly masturbating over gay sex...any siggestions?

[princealbertofb]

Hi, Si... This is a tough one because of you being in a relationship and having children to top it all. How open is your partner about sex in general? Would she be willing to help you experience that side of your sexuality or is that something definitely out of the question (in which case I guess you'd have to wing it alone, and on the side)? The important thing here is to keep it safe, whatever you do. You do NOT want to bring back something nasty to your current relationship, should you stray for a bit, say.
Can you give us more details of how things are with your partner? Are you feeling less attracted to her lately?

[princealbertofb]

BTW, welcome to GaySpeak. Hope you find some solutions to your questions here.

[yar]

Welcome to GaySpeak be true to your self the others will follow.

[marshlander]

This is a really tough situation to be in. I'm not sure there is a happy way through this. Like PA, I would suggest you think about the relationship you are in. How important is it to you that you keep your vows?

If, and this is a huge if, you think your partner might allow you some space to explore this you could approach her with the idea and discuss what rules might be set to keep you both as safe as possible. Theoretically all sorts of options exist, but reality is usually very different. Pandora's box was closed and locked to keep problems like these sealed away.

A lot of married men play away without consulting their wives. Cottages and cruising grounds are filled with them. The danger is that you bear the burden of your knowledge alone and eventually you have a parallel existence built on lies. Then you have to remember what you told to whom and the pressure builds. Some men find others in the same situation and meet clandestinely for mutual release. Some seem to feel they can keep the lies going forever. Others cannot and the guilty conflicts can cause so many problems.

Do you see yourself still being with your partner in five, ten, twenty years time or do you feel a breakup is inevitable somewhere down the line? If you are at a stage where you think the relationship is unsustainable should you move out now and let everyone pick up the pieces while you are still relatively young? You have to take things at a speed you can manage, but you have much to risk. If you are gay and have been unable to acknowledge it before Mother Nature will have her way. Eventually it will become too difficult to stay as you are. Masturbating over gay sex only feeds those fantasies tiny snacks that won't stop the hunger for long.

I don't envy you and wish you good luck.