Previous relationship still affecting me in a weird way

[Fairwooz]

Took me a while to come up with a title- still not very descriptive and accurate but I hope you get what I mean by the end of my post.

So my story in a nutshell: 21y/o guy who started ''sleeping around'' with people from 17-18ish- the number of guys I've slept with is way too high for me to comfortably admit it. Anyway, recently I had to relocate abroad for a year due to work. I carried on with my usual ''meet a random guy once per week at least'' kind of thing. But then a guy who I genuinely fell inlove with came along and things got weird- this is a long ass story by itself, but I'll sum it up in a sentence- I was going crazy about that guy, he didn't feel the same way for me, but didn't have the balls to say/express it. As a result, he stopped talking to me and I got ridicilously upset and mad at him. What pissed me off the most was the fact that I felt like I NEED to talk to him once more (not for the purpose of getting together again) just for the sake of clearing things up and ending them in a nice, humane way. That final conversation never happened, cause I felt that it wouldnt make a difference- he obviously didn't care about what I have to say.

3 months later, I'm still feeling slightly bitter about the whole thing. It was my first true love and he made it seem like he felt the same way but turns out, that only lasted a few weeks for him.He, however, was too much of a coward to say that to my face and instead faked interest and stopped talking to me in a convenient for him moment.

Having him in my life (for a very brief time) changed my views on relationships though- the idea of one night stands disgusted me now. I felt like I was ready for something more serious.

Long story short: I guy I dated shortly after that didn't seem to ''excite'' me that much in the bedroom and I was struggling to maintain erection. On top of that, things were not going good so we decided to be friends only (which actually works!!).
A month later, I met a great guy- handsome, funny, clever, easy to talk to etc.. Thing is, regardless of how good-looking I find him to be, our 'first sexy time' did not go well- I couldnt get it up. I felt very embarassed and got nervous, which obviously didn't help getting a boner again.Moreover, I don't really fantasize about having sex with him-I'd much prefer just spending time together- talking, watching a movie, cuddling.. Very unusual for me and my astonishingly high sex drive.

Question is, what happened to me and why am I not able to enjoy sex the same way as before? I was great at one night stands- I could sleep with a guy who I dont even find attractive, just for the sake of having sex. And now, I've got a great looking guy who likes me back, but my sex drive is close to nonexistent and getting a boner is a struggle . Thinking about the next time we are going to have sex freaks me out and makes me very nervous and scared.. what if it doesnt ''work'' again?
I thought everything is down to the fact that my first true love relationship didn't work out at all (and technically had no agreed and discussed end to it). I'd hate to admit it, but I feel like that person still affects me and my current relationship in a negative way. I'd love to hear your suggestions and comments in general.

APOLOGIES FOR THE EXTREMELY LONG POST!!!!

[Insertnamehere]

[MENTION=23170]Fairwooz[/MENTION]

At least you did paragraphs. Some people don't

Ah, so a guy you liked didn't like you as much and instead of telling you upfront he stayed quiet and then he just stopped talking to you?

Oh my, where have we ever heard that story before?

Welcome to one of the most PERVASIVE, COMMON AND REPETITIVE behaviors you will find in the gay dating world. This world is full of spineless piece of shit cowards like that guy.

I understand your bitterness, more than I'd like, and it will take a while for you to be back on track after that. You will get over it, even though there will be times that It'll all come back and you'll feel like sbit again. But as the time goes by, it will be easier and you will think about it less and less.


Now as for your problem, I can't say. It may be that you're afraid to get close to someone again, it may be that indeed you had a change of mindset and now casual sex doesn't do it for you anymore.

So I fear I don't have a solution for you there, except to take it easy and maybe take some time off it all, a time to be spent with yourself until you feel you're healed.

What is clear is that if you get nervous over a previous issue in the bedroom, that same nervousness will add to the problem and increase the probability of another issue happening.

[IndividuellaUni]

Take the time for you and get back on track. I'm echoing the sentiments InsertNameHere said, that the behavior is so typical, and in varying degrees. Been there, done that, learned to not really give a fuck, and burned that shirt with the quickness.

The only person that matters more is yourself. You're still young so you'll get the chance to meet a lot of different people.

I will freely say that you never forget your first true love. 6 years later, I still remember. And since he burned me so damn bad and left me without that closure as well, I had to resolve in myself in the fact that life happens for a reason, and his departure from my life only made my life move forward in the track it was supposed to.

[edkrfv]

I think you are growing up emotionally. A little.
Thinking that one-night-stands are not the only way is a start in my opinion. But you should not think about them to be a ”no”.
Not all people want to end things/connections in the way you want. You seem to be an organized and honest person.
I wish you courage and start searching a guy who deserves you!