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Insertnamehere · 02-17-2016, 01:21 AM

Anonymous Wrote:I don't know what took him so long to come around. Usually I don't hold grudge but the way he treated me was something I'll never forget. I was ready for hatred and I expected that from pretty much everyone but him. I trusted him completely and the things he said to me was like a knife in my back. I'm not sure we could ever be friends again.

Take what I've quoted and tell this to HIM. You can accept his apology, but he needs to understand, if you're unwilling to forgive him, the why, he needs to realize just how bad and hurtful for you his actions were. From someone who was so close to you, that reaction is indeed an extremely serious thing. You seem to have moved on anyway by now, so it doesn't really matter anymore.

02-20-2016, 07:33 PM

I would have a hard time believing a word he says. And I would have dismissed the message with no response, and blocked him.

There are very few people I actually "hate" in this world. I tend to be very tolerant of most anyone, but when you're on that bad side... forget ever talking to me, or even trying to extend that proverbial olive branch.

02-20-2016, 08:23 PM

I think this has probably taken a lot of courage for this guy to apologise and admit he was tottaly wrong. The world can only change when people with prejudices re evaluate them . If he has grown up or lives in a family circle or comuntiy that is homophobic and may not even accept people that are not homophobic then once again it may have taken courage just to re evaluate his indoctrinated views. It sounds as if you have been the catalist for this . The fact that he loved you as a friend may have been subconsciously eating away at him. I know it has taken him a long time but f@@k it took me nearly 40 years to come to terms with myself . Give him a chance be proud that you have helped change the world just a little yet in a massive way. Yes he is going to have to warn your trust again but atleast give him that opportunity he sounds as if he has come a long way. I think he deserves a chance . It will also have been hard to contact you and ask for your forgivness and friendship when he now knows he was in the wrong. He in his way is now fighting for your relationship with the red face of embarrassment and cap in hand. As a gay comunity we want a revolution in the way the outside world perceives use . Well this guy hase done exactly what we want. The revolution won't start with a gay person it must start with our families and friends. Give encouragement and acceptance not rejection . After all 5hat what we are asking for right? VIVA LA REVOLUTION!

I think in your heart you realy want this person back in your life anyway. Hopefully it will bring you some peace and love��

IanSaysHi · 02-21-2016, 12:02 AM

You could just as easily reject his apology with the same disgust that he showed towards your honesty four years ago - but from what I can make out from your post, you don't sound like that sort of person Smile

I do believe people can change. Not knowing ages in this story can make a bit of a difference - eg if you came out to him when you were 16 and now you're 20 then I can fully believe he could be a different person. Late teens can make a whole new person and meeting new people can have opened his eyes to the world. When I was at school there were a couple of people who were VILE to me. I happened to bump into them a few years later and they were so nice to me, one even said he was so sorry for the things he'd said at school and how it had weighed on his mind in the years since - I'd not even thought about this guy in that time. Okay fair enough, we weren't good friends like in your situation, but key thing is, people change.

However... Realistically I think accepting the apology is the best that can come out of this situation. Accept it, and both move on, but separately. I think this incident will forever be hanging around in the background if you tried to resurrect what you had.

Hope this helps.

LJay · 02-21-2016, 12:34 AM

How long has it taken YOU to come around to reconciling with him? He has taken four years. You are taking longer.

I would give him the chance to meet and apologize. He thinks it is still important after four years to contact you. That means that to some extent or other he also has been wrestling with this during that time. If someone had been that close before you should know enough about them to know how they must feel now.

Make that call.

TigerLover · 02-21-2016, 12:57 AM

Man it sounds like he did a thorough job of killing your friendship.

It would be a hard and unpleasant task to forgive him and you've no obligation to do it. Plus he's not the same guy you knew so your friendship is never going to be the same again, you'll never get your old friend back.

But was it his hate you felt or someone else's hate that drove him? If he's been brainwashed from birth then they were never really his thoughts anyway, just thoughts imposed upon him.

I say give it a try, you've got nothing to lose but your anger
Plus if it doesn't work out you can just say "Ok i forgive you but I don't want to renew our friendship. Please don't contact me again, goodbye."

Camfer · 02-21-2016, 01:37 AM

You forgive others not for their sake, but for your own. Carrying around this past hurt from years ago does not serve you. Yes, it's time to set the pain aside and be done with it. Forgive him for the very real pain and betrayal he caused you. What good does it do you to hold onto that?

Now, do you want to resurrect a friendship or acquaintance with him? That is a different question.

Sometimes someone has crossed a boundary so egregiously that we cannot accept them back into our lives. Other times we are so strong that we can bear the wound, release the hurt, and offer both forgiveness and a continuation of the relationship on some level.

Think about the worst you have done to another person. Think about to what extent you wanted to make amends for that, and to what extent that person was able to forgive you and be able to still associate with you. Maybe in that you can find a glimmer of how you might wish to proceed with this person who was once important to you.

meridannight · (Edited 02-21-2016, 02:55 AM by meridannight.)

give him a chance. this life is too short to eternally punish everybody who ever made a mistake.

good friends are hard to find in this life. think about that. if you two had a true friendship, then he made a mistake and deserves to be heard, at least. people aren't perfect. everybody makes mistakes. he made a big one, but it's not exactly unfathomable to see how a guy can react like that either.

02-22-2016, 05:53 AM

As others have said let him know how much it hurt you, how you felt entirely betrayed. Maybe you can be friends with him again, but at the very least try to find a way to forgive him. There's so much more pain when you don't forgive.

02-22-2016, 07:42 AM

meridannight Wrote:give him a chance. this life is too short to eternally punish everybody who ever made a mistake.

good friends are hard to find in this life. think about that. if you two had a true friendship, then he made a mistake and deserves to be heard, at least. people aren't perfect. everybody makes mistakes. he made a big one, but it's not exactly unfathomable to see how a guy can react like that either.

I feel like you have that backward. Good friends are hard to find which is why "so called" friend deserves to hear the truth about how his betrayal affected Anonymous.