I cant come out

[Delishes]

Hi evey1 thats my very first post in this site as well as about being gay!here is the thng,My father found gay porn in my ipad and shout at me however after that(act like othing happened and asks 1 week later) still he asks me if i got a girlfriend or not like before,i dont think my family will accept me also i cant think myself in a relationship with some other guy,so i think its not worth.i am 21 and i dont want to waste my time because of my familys approval however i am scared of rejections i become isolated from the real life and video game addicted,gained weight become unrecogniseable(i was modeling tiny clothing firms when i was 15)was in a bakestball team. i ganed 55 kgs after i lost my mum also thats the time i accept that im gay.(for example i start to watch gay porn instead of straight) now im hopeless and not ready to anything ...also i have never dated any girl or boy and never asked or think abot that until 16 and,dont have gay friend to discuss as well...and about sex, even with a pornstar ,i cant see myself do any kind of thing,i only masturbate, is this normal?and should i come out?or go to gay bars?i once tried but when i look around myself i looked like from different planet so i didnt go inside.what im gonna do

[MikeW]

...what im gonna do

Ok, well, welcome to Gay Speak.

You say you're 21 in your post but your bio says you are 20. In any case you are still very young and obviously have a LOT to learn about life.

No one can tell you what to do. However I can suggest you begin to think about your own life and your own happiness. Right now you sound miserable. You sound like you've let yourself go... get terribly out of shape... probably depressed... anxious... not sure where to go or what to do with your life.

Well, ok, accept this is where you are now. BUT do not accept that you have to STAY in this mess. You CAN get out. It is just going to take some time and effort on your part.

Frankly, I don't really know you but I don't think you should even be worrying about "coming out" or "being gay" right now. Ok, so you jerk off to gay porn. Fine. No problem. Don't worry about the REALITY of being gay just yet. YOU need to take care of YOU first. Get your life together. Start eating better. Loosing weight. Begin doing something physical so you can shape your body up. I don't care what. Working out, swimming, riding a bike... even walking. GET BACK IN YOUR BODY.

As you do that you'll begin to feel better. You'll feel better physically and emotionally. You'll begin to feel better about yourself.

In a few years if you keep it up THEN you can begin to think about what it means for YOU to be gay. You can begin to think about what kind of life YOU want for you. How you want to live it. Who you want to share it with.

But for now, don't even worry about it. First things first.

[VirgoMasquerade]

Once you learn to accept yourself for who you are and what you like, Your already kinda out. You need to learn to love yourself again before you try to have a big coming out party because you will have your own back before someone else will

[Delishes]

Thx for posting,also becoming back to my true weight and shape,every1 around me tells that however i can reply to that girlfriend thing with using my overweight,i will become a very good looking boy if i lose weight and they will be more suspicious about it.

[matty7]

Well firstly "you are not hopeless" as you say , you have lost your mum and come to accept you are gay in a very short space of time, plus you believe your father will not accept you for this - Many people would react the very same you have by removing themselves from the outside world , the comfort eating or moving your life to online gaming is a total normal reaction buddy.

Your father has seen the gay porn now and he has reacted like many parents do with shock , if you do give excuses for not dating girls or turning down invitations from girls then he does know the real reason weather he says so or not - im not saying he will come around and accept you as a gay man straight away but over time he will hopefully come around to having a gay son. If other people comment on why you are not dating or ask if you are gay then you don't have to tell them your gay - there's no rules that say you have to confess anything to anyone

Take care for now and welcome to gayspeak Delishes

[Sotres]

Hi Delishes welcome to Gayspeak my Turkish gay friend I'll tell you a little story, it was only last year that I managed to accept to myself that I was gay, I felt the way you are feeling now, and sometimes I still feel hopeless and depressed that not everyone is accepting of who I am. I aswell have never been out with anyone ever and it's awkward talking to people you don't trust about girls. My dad was a homophobe and was part of the inner circle of the Orange Order in my area. My mum and I left him for various reasons, and it was not long after that I came out to my mum. Ever since then I have felt 100 times better and have started only recently coming out to people I trust. My point is you are who you are and nobody can change that. You will be so much happier when you come out, even if your dad disapproves. It's your life, live it the way you want it to be, and be happy

[Insertnamehere]

The first thing that I would recommend is getting you overall life back on track. Get back in shape if you don't feel good about your current appearance, ackwoledge whether or not you're attracted to guys first. Everything else, dating, coming out (or not) will have to come later. Are you studying something? Working? Start thinking about moving out of the parents house.

After those things are settled, I think you'll have a bit more freedom to do things without having to worry about the family. It'll take time and effort but it's not impossible.