I am straight but I had an amazing GAY experience on ECSTASY. I am confused now...

[IloveBJ]

First of all I want to say that I am (or I was) completely straight guy. Then something happened and I don't know what to think about myself anymore. Hopefully you can help me to understand better my situation. Before I start the story just want to mention this. So far in my life I smoked only joint and I am 31 at the moment, 30 when this story has happened. I didn't know anything about ecstasy, what is it, what effect has on a person. I just knew it's a party drug.

It’s a long story but I think worth of reading it. Your comments are appreciated after reading. Thank you.

It was summer and I was traveling around Europe. After traveling around UK, I came to Amsterdam and stayed with a gay guy I met on a forum for travelers. First day we went to a party, smoked one joint, drank beer, just a regular night out. He knew I am straight and he didn't try anything. He respected my sexuality.

Next day we went to a party during the day and came back to his place in the evening. We started drinking and chatting. He is very interesting person and we had many things to talk about. We also smoked few joints and started talking bullshit and laugh. We were talking about drugs and I told him that I never tried any drug like ecstasy. He said that he has one and if I want I can have it. We split one pill as I was afraid to take whole pill for the first time. After 30 minutes while still smoking joint and drinking, I started to feel the effect of E. I was very relaxed and really enjoyed the night. Felt very overwhelmed. As we kept smoking joint it had such effect that we were not able to have a proper conversation anymore. We would forget what we were talking about in the middle of the sentence. I was asking stupid questions, talking bullshit. Also I was shaking because I felt cold and it was middle of the summer. He explained me that is normal for the first time.

Ok. This was an intro. Now interesting part comes

He was laying on one couch and I was laying on a couch across him. We were both relaxed and I really enjoyed every moment and felt so nice. At some point I noticed he was rubbing his dick and it was erected and looked very big. My first thought was, OMG, I thought he is a nice guy and he is not gonna try anything and now he is horny and gonna try something even I told him I am straight. Anyway, I was not concerned as he is really a nice person.

I don't know how we pull this topic out, but at some point we started to talk about poppers. I had no idea what is it so he explained me and asked me if I want to try. Didn't know what to expect after sniffing. First sniff, my heart started beating like crazy, I felt like I can't breath and jump down from the bed and started rolling on the floor because I didn't know how to control the feeling. After was over I was like, OMG, it's amazing and tried one more time.

Now, are you ready for the real story?

He started talking about sucking cock while on ecstasy and poppers. First time he said that I had a discrete laugh. Then, he said it again "I like sucking a cock while on E, it's the best feeling in the world". I asked what is the feeling like and started to think about him sucking me if he really wants. At that point, E really overwhelmed me in co-operation with poppers. I couldn't think clearly anymore and started to imagine that feeling. I was also horny as I didn't have sex for more than 2 weeks. At some point I had to go to the toilet then went to take a shower. I was thinking like this, if something is gonna happen I'd better be clean (I didn't take a shower after the party that day). Still I wasn't sure if I will do something with him or not. Just wanted to clear out my head under the shower.

And then, BOOM. Under the shower I felt even more overwhelmed. It was like the best feeling in the world. He asked me how is it and I said it's good, you should join me. I couldn't believe what I just said. I just invited a guy to take a shower with me together, NAKED. That means only one thing.

* * * Now I have to make a break and tell you one important thing before I continue with the story. One year before this happened, I was in a sex club and had a sex with a girl as other people as well. There were gay, lesbians, straight people... While I was fucking a girl, one guy approached me from behind and when my dick was outside her pussy while I was licking her boobs, he grabbed my dick and started wanking me. First time I pushed his hand immediately. He did it again. I was way busy playing with her boobs and he was jerking my dick very good. The feeling was nice so I let him do it for about 10 seconds then told him to stop. After that great feeling I started to be curious how is it to be with guys, jerk them off, suck them, etc. I heard about app grindr, installed it on my phone and made two encounters with random guys from that app. It was just blow and go. With both guys I was very shy and afraid to do it but after they started sucking me I felt more comfortable and I sucked them too and I liked it very much. Even after these two encounters, I still felt as straight. No doubt about that. I was afraid I might turn gay or mess up with my sexuality so firmly decided to stop doing this in the future. * * *

Let’s go back to the story. I invited him to join me under the shower and he came quickly. He started cuddling me and tried to kiss me but I refused. I can't kiss a guy. For me kissing is more personal and emotional. I can do it only with girls. He went down and started sucking me. I wasn't hard at that moment. Then he pushed my head to his penis. I was looking forward for it. He was not hard too and his dick was very small. I was kinda disappointed. WTF did I do. I came to someone's house, did all this things and realized that his dick is small. I finished the shower, went outside the bathrrom and started feeling very bad and I apologized to him. Btw. he is black. Not completely black, let's say 80%. I thought he must have a big dick plus I saw something big inside his underwear 10 minutes ago when he was rubbing his cock on a couch. I should have asked him first about the size then do something. I like big dicks. That’s why. He told me that I don't have to worry and we don't have to continue if I don't feel comfortable. I told him "I am fine with it but I thought that you have a bigger dick". He replied, "but I have a big dick, 19 cm" and then he pulled out his dick out of his underwear and WOW, his dick was really big and nice looking. I was amazed and couldn't get off my eyes out of his dick. Without thinking I grabbed his cock and put it in my mouth. The feeling was amazing. The best feeling in the world. He gave me more poppers and I became even more horny and tried to deep throat him. Of course I couldn't do it at that time, but I went like 70% even his dick was really big and thick. I stopped sucking him for awhile and said, "It's so beautiful, I don’t wanna suck you, I just want to admire your dick and look at it". Seriously, I couldn't suck him, I just wanted to stare at his amazing dick and admire it. I was cuddling with his dick, kissing the head, licking and the feeling was amazing. Later on I continued sucking him and he sucked me then we went to his room and played until 5 in the morning.

I was not sure about this but because I was horny as hell, I told him to come in my mouth at the end. He came like crazy and my mouth was full of his sperm. It was warm and the taste was ok but I didn’t swallow. I spitted it out.

The story is not over yet. The next day we repeated everything except E. It was nice again. Since then one year has passed. Meanwhile I was thinking about sucking him many times. I couldn’t forget that good feeling of sucking his dick. He said he wants to go one step further and kiss each other next time. I told him I can’t do that with a guy and he understood. We stayed in contact all the time and I visited him again last summer.

First night, even I took E again, I felt uncomfortable and was shy again. I was not sure about doing it again even I really wanted to. I guess I just panicked or was nervous. It has passed 40 minutes since I took E and didn’t feel very horny. Just a little bit. Then we rolled a joint, smoked and BOOM, I became extremey horny immediately because joint increases the effect of E and you become hornier. Again same thing happened. I just wanted to admire his cock, cuddle with it and kiss it gently. I sucked him very good a bit later. One more thing to add. While I am on E I have an urge to tell him some of my sexual stories from the past as well as some sexual secrets I didn’t tell anyone. I guess it’s the effect of E. Also I can’t stop talking. I was being honest with him, told him how much I liked what are we doing right now. Told him that I was thinking about his cock for a whole past year. Don’t know why. I couldn’t stop being honest and saying out loud all these things. He felt flattered about everything he heard from me and kissed me. I coudln’t refuse him. I kissed him back and it was nice. He has big soft lips. Great for kissing. We went to the bed and started kissing very passionate. I enjoyed every moment even I thought I wouldn’t be able to. Then he started touching and licking my ass. That was a big NO for me but at that time I was way too horny on E to tell him to stop plus I enjoyed it. The next day when the E effect was gone, I didn’t feel comfortable with kissing anymore.

I wanted to try a threesome with a guy so for the second night he invited his friend, a black guy from Africa with a big cock. I was very excited and, oh boy, it was a different level of everything. I sucked both guys at the same time while being high on weed and poppers. We all kissed each other, African guy sucked me and my friend was fucking me in my mouth at the same time, then, African guy and I sucked my friend at the same time and they both sucked me at the same time as well. Amazing feeling. It’s a pity we didn’t have E that night. I guess I would have enjoyed even more. At the end I sniffed poppers and African guy came in my mouth. I spitted out his sperm, then, while on poppers again, my friend came in my mouth. I have to admit that I like the feeling of someone coming in my mouth plus I know it’s a great feeling for the one who comes so I want him to have even more pleasure instead of coming in a napkin.

Third night we were alone and I told him I want to give him a blow job marathon. I wanted to suck him for 2 hours. I took whole pill of E, smoked joint and sniffed poppers. I ended up sucking him for 4 hours and deep throated him for about 90% of size of his cock. I still have to pactice that but I am sure next time I will do it. I am very slutty when I am sucking him. I like to be submissive (but I am dominant while having sex with girls). I like when he pulls my head towards his cock. Sometimes he wants to have sex on the bed but I prefer to stay in a living room on a couch because he is sitting on a couch and I am on my knees. While 4 hours session he got hungry and went to the kitchen to prepare food and eat. I couldn’t wait for him to come back so I went there, got down on my knees and sucked him in the kitchen. Don’t now why, but I feel much more horny while sucking on my knees. I like to be sumbissive and I like dominant guys who force me to suck them. I know it’s sounds like I am joking but that’s the truth. I became so good at sucking dicks. He told me I am in his top 5 suckers that he ever had and he had more than 50. He said I suck better than many gay guys and I put more feelings into sucking. And I just started doing it

I plan to visit him again and stay even longer. I can’t stop thinking about him. Not in a way that I love him, but in a passionate way that I want to have sex with him again. He is a nice person and a good friend and I feel very comfortable with him. I don’t mind kissing him anymore. Actually I like it now. Since we met for the first time, we significally imporoved our relationship (not boyfriend relationship but as human beings). Can’t stop thinking about what we are gonna do next time when we meet. I would like to try foursome next time possibly with black guys. I realized I like strong black guys with big dicks. Somehow they turn me on. I am caucassian btw. very tall, handsome and nice looking. Every night before I go to sleep I have sexual thoughts about me sucking him and having fun together. I even stopped masturbating on girls. I still do it but not so much like before.

Just want to point this thing out. I don’t feel like I want to have sex with unnumerous number of guys. All my passion is oriented to him. I just want to have sex with him and his friends if possible. I like to try new things. On the other side, I want to fuck every hot girl I see. Thats what I don’t understand. Why I want to have sex only with him and not with other guys.

So here is my question. What is going on with me? All my life I was 100% straight. I had 2 encounters with guys but that didn’t turn me gay. After I met this guy I started to feel more passionate about having sex with him than with girls. I don’t know what’s next. I am afraid I might stop liking girls. What do you think? Is it because of E or something else? Did something similar happen to you?

I don’t know why I enjoy sucking cock so much. Suddenly it became my passion even I never tried it since 2 years ago. I have a feeling that I could suck a cock every night. I don’t know what I am gonna do about this one day when I get married with a girl (I hope)

[kindy64]

Sounds like you are as you identify, a bisexual male. Could be you are just physically attracted to men and women, but only romantically attracted to women. Not that unusual.

You sound infatuated with your friend. I don't have experience with E, so not sure how that effects feelings towards another person.

[Cridders88]

It seems to be that you are bisexual but have been repressing your desires towards men. E does tend to make you horny, and to lose inhibitions, so it was a catalyst for sure. You said that you didn't enjoy kissing and being intimate with him, but now you do, I think you may have just been denying yourself before and was confused to what was going on, the confusion was probably increased by the drugs.

It is perfectly ok to be bisexual. It's a perfectly natural thing, try not to get hung up on the label too much. Guys are more your focus now, but it may go back to girls later. Sexuality can be quite fluid in some cases.

[Darius]

I've always heard that e made you love everyone. Since you further described other experiences, you can't blame your interest in guys on the drug. You are just not straight.

Mixing drugs and sex is never a good idea, btw. Just saying.

[MikeW]

....So here is my question. What is going on with me? All my life I was 100% straight. I had 2 encounters with guys but that didn’t turn me gay. After I met this guy I started to feel more passionate about having sex with him than with girls. I don’t know what’s next. I am afraid I might stop liking girls. What do you think? Is it because of E or something else? Did something similar happen to you?

I don’t know why I enjoy sucking cock so much. Suddenly it became my passion even I never tried it since 2 years ago. I have a feeling that I could suck a cock every night. I don’t know what I am gonna do about this one day when I get married with a girl (I hope)

Ok, first of all, you need to try and understand that "straight" (heterosexual) "gay" (homosexual) "bi" (something that is neither heterosexual nor homosexual, a bit of both but not exactly)... ALL these terms are social concepts. Try to understand that.

Human sexuality is COMPLEX. And everyone is different.

For example, there ARE straight men who have sex with other men (straight, gay, bi, w/e). Some will say, well, but if they had sex with another man they are NOT straight.

Well, perhaps. But the point is there are men who feel themselves to be straight who get off having sex with other men. They identify in their own minds as straight (not gay or bi) and they do things with other men that are sexual. BUT this activity doesn't change their sexual "preference".

THIS IS A LINK to an interview with Jane Ward, an associate professor of women’s studies at the University of California, Riverside, author of the book, Not Gay: Sex Between Straight White Men. I think you may find it very interesting.

Although we can generalize about sexual preferences and create these social concepts, these labels, the reality is human sexuality is fluid. Believe it or not, you CAN be a straight (heterosexual) man who enjoys sucking cock. (I personally know one straight man who enjoys being fucked in the ass, either by a guy, or by a woman with a strap on or dildo. He does NOT identify as "bisexual". In fact, he is married with two children and happily so.)

Bottom line, don't get too caught up in LABELS. Labels are labels. That's all they are.



The NAME of a thing is NOT the THING named.

Understand?

You are an individual human being. You have discovered something about yourself you didn't know before. You can "label" yourself however you want... whatever feels most TRUE to you. Or you can choose to not label yourself at all. AND, moreover, this labeling (or lack there of) may change through time... as you get older you may discover more new things about yourself.

I will strongly advise you, however, to be very very careful with drugs -- especially in a sexual context. Drugs such as X do affect our perceptions. They can also lead us to make decisions and do things we regret later on. Don't get me wrong, I've done plenty of 'party' drugs in my lifetime. So I'm not being prudish. Then again, think of it as the voice of reason and experience. Be prudent. Take care of yourself. Your physical, mental and emotional health. It is your responsibility. If you feel yourself becoming 'dependent' on drugs (any drug, including alcohol) to "have a good time"... I strongly advise backing off. If drug use gets out of control it can ruin your life.

[starlight]

Ok, first of all, you need to try and understand that "straight" (heterosexual) "gay" (homosexual) "bi" (something that is neither heterosexual nor homosexual, a bit of both but not exactly)... ALL these terms are social concepts. Try to understand that.

Human sexuality is COMPLEX. And everyone is different.

For example, there ARE straight men who have sex with other men (straight, gay, bi, w/e). Some will say, well, but if they had sex with another man they are NOT straight.

Well, perhaps. But the point is there are men who feel themselves to be straight who get off having sex with other men. They identify in their own minds as straight (not gay or bi) and they do things with other men that are sexual. BUT this activity doesn't change their sexual "preference".

THIS IS A LINK to an interview with Jane Ward, an associate professor of women’s studies at the University of California, Riverside, author of the book, Not Gay: Sex Between Straight White Men. I think you may find it very interesting.

Although we can generalize about sexual preferences and create these social concepts, these labels, the reality is human sexuality is fluid. Believe it or not, you CAN be a straight (heterosexual) man who enjoys sucking cock. (I personally know one straight man who enjoys being fucked in the ass, either by a guy, or by a woman with a strap on or dildo. He does NOT identify as "bisexual". In fact, he is married with two children and happily so.)

Bottom line, don't get too caught up in LABELS. Labels are labels. That's all they are.



The NAME of a thing is NOT the THING named.

Understand?

You are an individual human being. You have discovered something about yourself you didn't know before. You can "label" yourself however you want... whatever feels most TRUE to you. Or you can choose to not label yourself at all. AND, moreover, this labeling (or lack there of) may change through time... as you get older you may discover more new things about yourself.

I will strongly advise you, however, to be very very careful with drugs -- especially in a sexual context. Drugs such as X do affect our perceptions. They can also lead us to make decisions and do things we regret later on. Don't get me wrong, I've done plenty of 'party' drugs in my lifetime. So I'm not being prudish. Then again, think of it as the voice of reason and experience. Be prudent. Take care of yourself. Your physical, mental and emotional health. It is your responsibility. If you feel yourself becoming 'dependent' on drugs (any drug, including alcohol) to "have a good time"... I strongly advise backing off. If drug use gets out of control it can ruin your life.

Some good advice and perspective there Mike

[LJay]

The varieties of human experience are many. There is no reason that an experience with a friend should not be enjoyable for you. There is also no reason to let labels rule your life. Mike has written a good caution about drugs. It is worth heeding. Be the person you are and not the person a list of labels says you are.

For your own safety and the safety of your friends, learn about safe sex and practice it. Enjoy your life.

[IloveBJ]

Thanks Mike and thanks everybody for your support. I don't mind being bisexual, straight or gay. Whatever. I don't judge people by their sexuality. What I wanted to say is that I am a bit confused now after all.

Everything started because of curiosity and now I like it and can't stop. I am kind of a hedonist. I do what I like and what makes me feel good in my life. If at the moment sucking cocks will make me happy, I will do it. I still like girls, I still approach girls in clubs, but at the same time, can't wait to meet my friend again and suck him.

It's something that I recently discovered I like and at the moment he is the center of my passion and my sexual thoughts.

It's good that I found this forum so I can confess you guys and get some support. It really means a lot.

Thank you.

[Insertnamehere]

You are clearly (in my eyes) a bisexual man who's been supressing his taste for men, which pops up when your less inhibited (i.e. packed with drugs).

You wouldn't have had those encounters with men before if you were in fact 100% straight.

You shouldn't worry too much. Sexuality is a fluid thing sometimes, and labels are nor for everyone.

Go and be with whomever you like. You like men only in a certain way and women in another? That's fine. Emotional/Sexual attraction CAN be separated items.

Confusion, being overwhelmed, is understandable when noticing something about yourself that you hand't before. Don't worry, that's normal.

I don’t know what I am gonna do about this one day when I get married with a girl (I hope)

You will do nothing.

If you're married you're expected to be faithful. It doesn't have anything to do with being gay, straight, bi, etc.



What I get from all of this, however, is that you are (or were) not ok with the idea of liking men. That's normal, but the sooner you fully embrace it the greater a favor you'll be doing to yourself.

Who knows. Maybe you'll be married to a nice guy one day. Or at least be able to be with them without drugs as a factor.

Don't run away from what you feel.

The place where you are is probably one of the best ones in the world to be of any sexuality (not everyone gets that luxury), so if you're noticing that you like different things, go for it!

You can be with a girl, guy, whomever (and in any kind of way) makes you feel good!

[Radbot42]

I'd suggest having an encounter with another guy and see where that takes you, outside this friend of yours though.