There is no LGBT community

[Beaux]

That's his prerogative and right. Which I am neutral in. I both agree and disagree with his thought process. As a gay man I have no idea what a transgender person goes through and can't relate to them. Similar to how a Lesbian can't identify with someone gay. So that is basically the jist of what he is trying to convey. The LGBT community isn't a community both inside and out. So many harsh realities.

Umm..No again.

Is responded to your assertion that the OP was lamenting the fact that there is no longer a gay community, by pointing out that (though true) that was not the OPs assertion.

ALTHOUGH, I am able to see why the OP and yourself don't have a place in the LGBT community....and it isn't the community's fault....

~Beaux

[Emiliano]

Before I add any of my own opinions to this, I want to ask -
What are we defining a community as in this discussion?
What are the expectations we have of a community?

Maybe its because I live in a place that has a huge and very visible gay population, which I know is something a lot of you guys don't have where you are from. Or maybe its because I'm just 24 and have very little point of reference of how different the experience of being gay and having a gay community is now vs how it was in the 90s, the 80s, or the 70s.

Id be interested in discussing whether it is a functional or dysfunctional community. If it is one that is actually as inclusive as it likes to label itself. Or if it is one that can successfully advocate for the needs of all the people it labels itself as serving. Or why and how gay communities came to be and whether or not they still serve any purpose in modern society. I think a really interesting conversation can be had about the gay community and intersectionality.
But to argue that a gay community does not exists... I guess i don't understand that perception.

I wouldn't define myself as being an active part of the gay community, but I am friends with many people who are outspoken activists and advocates on behalf of those who fall under the umbrella of LGBTQ when it comes to education, health services, support, and legal protection. But again, the fact that it is so obvious to me might strictly be because of where I live and who I know. In NYC I think you can find people who would consider themselves a part of a broad LGBTQ type community as well as people who view themselves as part of a very specific community within that - like latino men over 50 with AIDs, for example. Im sure that sort of depth and diversity doesn't exist every where.

So again, how are we defining community? How similar do members of a community have to be? What is it that we expect from a gay community? What responsibility does a community have to those who identify as part of it? Is it better to be specific and exclusive or broad and inclusive? Do those of you who feel no such community exists - is it something you wish did? What would an ideal "gay" community look like - or is it something that we don't need?

Is this website not a type of gay community?

[Emiliano]

And just to add I don't think I need to be trans to have empathy for trans people. Or to care about their health and well being. Or to want to get to know them and share my experiences with them, and learn more about theirs. Or to have some kind of common ground at all with them. And the same goes for lesbians, bisexual people, people who define themselves as just queer, disabled gay men or white gay men for that matter.

The truth is, it is possible to relate with others, just as long as each of us are not requiring everyone to meet us on our own level. To say that lesbians being included as part of the gay community is enough to make a gay man decide that he has no place in the gay community and is insulted by being grouped in with lesbians is silly, and sounds like an argument that would fit better on a kindergarten playground than in a serious, adult discussion.

[MikeW]

...[OP] sounds like an argument that would fit better on a kindergarten playground than in a serious, adult discussion.

People aren't born mature. Maturity is something one learns, develops, grows into.

Or not.

Some get stuck in the "The whole fucking world is all about ME ME ME MEMEMEMEMEM and if it isn't EXACTLY THE WAY I FUCKING WANT IT then IT TOTALLY SUCKS forever and ever and ever so go fuck yourself..." POV.

Totally lame but there you have it.

[Anonymous]

Ask a serious question and get ignored or start a serious thread and get views but no replies yet we play games on here so there is your fake caring community.

[Cridders88]

Ask a serious question and get ignored or start a serious thread and get views but no replies yet we play games on here so there is your fake caring community.

You must have had your head up your arse for quite some time to be seeing it that way, because that is not what I am seeing.

[Emiliano]

To me a gay community is where everyone is united. You aren't judged by your body type, whether you like men or women or both. You aren't discriminated against because of your racist. You're not feminine enough, you're not masculine enough. You're not old enough, you're too old etc.

You have to be apart of a certain group. You have to be apart of the queen group, the trans group, the black group, the asian group, the butch lesbian group, the fem lesbian group, the bear group, the daddy group, the gym group, the masculine guy group etc. Why can't we all unite?

The internet is also not real life. Which is why outside the internet, there isn't that much gay coalition. There are certain things you can do in the virtual world, you can't even think of doing in reality without negative repercussions.

Sorry, I didn't see you had replied until just now.

I definitely see that divide you describe within gay men. And it's a good question about why we can't unite. If gay men oursekves are so divided, no wonder we can't empathize and unite with lesbians or trans people, even though we might have common goals or are at least united in our "otherness" to the larger society.

I'm of the belief that there are larger goals to strive for, and there are groups within the broader gay category that would benefit from the numbers and influence that other groups within the gay community have. That we could support each other and help lift each other....But the same can be said of humanity in general... What stops us all from uniting?

And I don't mean it as a rhetorical question. In your mind what do you think keeps us from being that more ideal community?

[Emiliano]

Ask a serious question and get ignored or start a serious thread and get views but no replies yet we play games on here so there is your fake caring community.

So contribute. It's easy to complain and get hung up in the negative and what you don't see. But that goes nowhere. There are people here who prefer serious conversation to the word games. They might not get as many participants as the word games but people will show up to have the serious conversations. It just takes patience and a more productive attitude, it's not as easy and instant as the games.

[Emiliano]

No it's not just with lesbians or trans. It's within the gay male community.

I can easily say I have never seen a twink hang with a bear. I have never seen a really masculine hunky guy with a geeky type average guy.

I do very rarely see interracial gay couples, but usually it's two very masculine straight looking and acting men that are into the gym lifestyle.

If I do see them together it's not on a support level. It would be because they were at a gay bar or club. and everyone was shitfaced drunk that they didn't know who they were dealing with.

Me personally, it's the fact on personality.

Usually masculine/bear type gym muscle type guys. Work blue collar or some type of tough guy job and hang out around that culture. They keep their rigid style and roughneck attitude and anything fem or anything not tough, they want nothing to do with. Motorcycles, horseback riding, etc.

Average and white collar gays work in fashion or in sales. They are around that culture. Being treated as party favors and usually have female friends.

Then you have the offbeat types of gays that keep to themselves and can't fit into either of the two groups I mentioned above. These are usually the fems, freaks, geeks, fats and weirdos. I consider myself in this category.

In the straight community, guys generally stick together and go by the bro code. You always see all types of straight men hang and flock together. Not the case with gay men.

So that's the issue.

In my experience and what I've seen, division by interests happens with straight guys too - I don't think this division is unique to gay men. Whether it's rich people vs poor people, white people vs Latino people, nerds vs athletes, or whatever else.. We may be hyper aware of it as gay men, and because there is a name for all of our different categories, but I wouldn't paint the picture that it doesn't exist for straight people too.

I think a lot of gay men view themselves as outside the norm, which we are. And we often are reminded of that in a lot of negative ways. And through that experience of being rejected or discriminated against, we have blinded ourselves to the discriminatory ways we behave ourselves. Racism, sexism, classism, ageism, ableism, shallowness, and all kinds of other things divide gay men as sharply as they divide any other group of people.

Is there a reason to expect those things to be any less than they are with straight people?

[Anocxu]

To make my post short ..

I do not necessarily "chalk up" conflict or friction to sexual orientation ..

I figure ..differences in personality, values or morale that will determine how well you get along with a person.

To twist your opening post around .. what did you "dislike" about the lesbians that you did not "like"?