Attraction to one person?

[JosefOlive15]

A year ago, when I was still in college, I lost my virginity to a guy. He is dating a girl and we both come from families where what we did is totally unacceptable. We saw each other twice at the end of the spring semester of 2015 and for the summer we both went back home and did not see each other for about 4 months but remained in touch.

On the new school year (Fall 2015), we remained friendly to each other and casually hung out. But then in October we couldn't resist temptation and made out. We kept seeing each other for 2 weeks, but then we did not do anything until last week. He decided to stick to his family values and his girlfriend and decided not to have contact with me in order to avoid having sex. He says that he cannot be two persons.

He was a good friend to me and that bothers me more than not having a sex partner. After the last time we had sex, I did not feel it was that good, it was ok. But ever since then I do not feel attracted to anyone but him. I am very confused. He is not that handsome, he does not have a sexy beach body, but I can only think of him.

What is this feeling? Am I ever gonna feel sexually attracted to someone else? I can say: "hey that guy/girl is handsome/pretty" but I wouldn't imagine myself kissing them or having sex with them.

[TwisttheLeaf]

It happens, man. I would say that you're one of those people whose mind and emotions are "wired for monogamy".

I personally never thought I was one of those people until I met Gideon. Now, I don't even -see- other guys most of the time.

I would say that yes, it will pass once you've accepted it's over with him. Not just logically and in your mind accepted it, but with your heart and emotions as well.

[LJay]

The feeling is disappointment and heartache that you have lost someone who meant a lot to you. He had a good reason for cutting things off and you should respect it but that does not make things easier. Keep busy, face the facts of the situation and give it all time. If you want to be with a guy, there are likely to be several times this happens. You hardly ever, ever, ever find the perfect match in one try.

Count yourself lucky. At least your friend did you the favor of being honest with both you and himself about his preferences.

[Insertnamehere]

It's understandable if you feel like this. I can see there was mutual attraction but external pressure took a toll.

He is right in one thing, no one can be 2 persons, not for long anyway.

In time, you will get over him and you will meet another person that will have a similar effect on you, and it may just be that said person will be able to be with you.

[MikeW]

...What is this feeling? Am I ever gonna feel sexually attracted to someone else? I can say: "hey that guy/girl is handsome/pretty" but I wouldn't imagine myself kissing them or having sex with them.

I suppose different people would give "this feeling" different names. From what you've said, I would call it mourning or grieving. It may not be as intense as, say, loosing a loved family member to death, but it is a 'kind of' death. You've lost a friend and more than that you've lost someone you felt strongly attracted to sexually. (Again, so far as I can tell from what you've said.) So you are mourning this loss.

As others are suggesting, this will pass in time. But I think it may be important to not just brush this off. It means something. As [MENTION=20738]TwisttheLeaf[/MENTION] said, it sounds like you may be 'wired for monogamy.' Not everyone is but some men are. Or, they are with certain men. But given that you say the sex wasn't all that great, I don't doubt that your hormones will come back online in the relatively near future. You'll find yourself looking, and not just admiring, but feeling lust. It may take some time ... and no one can say how long ... but it will happen.

Take deep breaths. Allow yourself to feel the feelings of loss. Accept them. They're painful feelings (of varying degrees) but they're good. They show us that other people can become very important to us. So much so that when we loose them, we experience that loss as pain. Healing occurs as you allow yourself to grieve, however that works for you. Cry if you feel like it. Just be quiet and keep yourself away from other people, if you feel like that. Let yourself feel the intensity of it, however it is.

Then just let it go.

Practice just letting it go.

You may have to practice that many times but eventually you'll see. We're dynamic creatures, always changing, growing, hopefully evolving toward maturity. This may be a 'first lesson' in romantic loss. I doubt it will be your last. But that's alright. There's nothing to fear. All we need is to pause, reflect, accept what is, and move forward with life.

[JosefOlive15]

Update: I talked to him and he said he's not mad at me and that he still wants to be friends but that he needs time to get over this. Even though I feel a little bit relieved, I still feel sad and worried.

[MikeW]

Update: I talked to him and he said he's not mad at me and that he still wants to be friends but that he needs time to get over this. Even though I feel a little bit relieved, I still feel sad and worried.

Im curious why you say you feel "worried". Sad I can understand but why worried?

I'd also be curious to know, if you could have things exactly the way you want with this guy, what would that look like? What do you want with or from him? What's your ideal fantasy of how things would be with him?

[JosefOlive15]

Im curious why you say you feel "worried". Sad I can understand but why worried?

I'd also be curious to know, if you could have things exactly the way you want with this guy, what would that look like? What do you want with or from him? What's your ideal fantasy of how things would be with him?

I feel worried because he is the only person I feel sexually attracted to currently and I don't know if this is going to change.

I just want us to keep seeing each other. I am moving to another place and I don't think I will ever see him again. So I just wanted to spend as much time as possible with him and slowly prepare to say goodbye. But he said goodbye and I was not ready.

Maybe is good that he ended it already, otherwise I would have been more attached to him.

[MikeW]

I feel worried because he is the only person I feel sexually attracted to currently and I don't know if this is going to change.

I just want us to keep seeing each other. I am moving to another place and I don't think I will ever see him again. So I just wanted to spend as much time as possible with him and slowly prepare to say goodbye. But he said goodbye and I was not ready.

Maybe is good that he ended it already, otherwise I would have been more attached to him.

I see. Thanks for your reply. As was said above, I believe you're feelings of being attracted only to him will change in time.

[Cuddly]

Update: I talked to him and he said he's not mad at me and that he still wants to be friends but that he needs time to get over this. Even though I feel a little bit relieved, I still feel sad and worried.

So he's going to stick to his girlfriend and get married, buy a house, have a bunch of kids and a dog? One day he's going to abandon all of that and be true to himself. The wife and kids then pay the price for his cowardice.

Conservative christian values van't change your sexuality. If your families cannot accept you for who you are, then that's their loss and their problem. Live the life you want, not the one you think somebody else wants you to.